During a Q&A I did in The Flow Collective this week, someone asked me how they can explain their sensitivity to noises and smells that they experience during their Autumn (the premenstrual phase) to their male partner. 

As I shared my favourite way to do this, I thought that all of you would benefit from my favourite tip too, regardless of whether sensory sensitivity affects you or you have other cycle-related shifts that impact your life.

It’s a topic that comes up a lot – whistling, noisy eating, mouth-breathing, deep voices, and sudden noise all have the potential to result in anxiety, frustration, irritability, overwhelm and feeling scared. 

And cycle-related sensory sensitivity can show up at various points – some of you will experience an enhanced sense of smell around ovulation or you might feel permeable to sensory input when you’re premenstrual or bleeding. 

Or, you might not experience sensory changes but be aware that your energy, mood and interests evolve throughout the cycle. And if that’s the case then there’s possibly someone around you who just doesn’t get it, either because they don’t have a menstrual cycle or have a different experience to you.

If you want to help them to understand, here’s what I recommend you do:

Ask them the other person to consider what a typical day is like for them. 

Are they full of energy first thing in the morning or do they take a while to wake up?

Is there a part of the day where they have energy and feel positive and productive?

How do they feel after lunch, do they experience a shift in energy?

What about at the end of their working day, is there something they like to do or not do just before they finish work?

And how about the evening, does how they feel vary between finishing work and falling asleep?

We regularly accept that some people take a while to be functional in the morning, that once they’ve had some caffeine and moved their body they have more energy and are productive, that around lunchtime they might feel social but experience a dip in energy afterward, and that in the evening, being chatty might transition into being more subdued before winding down and falling asleep.

Can you see where I’m going with this?

We accept experiences like these as normal. We understand them and make allowances. We don’t require someone to qualify their variations in energy, mood and behaviour throughout a 24-hour cycle, but when we stretch that time frame out to the length of a menstrual cycle, all of a sudden we’re different, abnormal, and dysfunctional. (I’ll save that rant for a future post, but I think you get my drift!)

The key is to give examples from their experience of a 24-hour cycle and relate them to your experience of your menstrual cycle.

Feeling energised upon waking could equate to the relief of your period starting whereas needing to hibernate during your period could be like those people who just need to be left to themselves in the morning.

Feeling better after caffeine or being outside in the morning is like the effects of oestrogen once it starts dripping in from day 3.

Productivity and motivation in the run-up to lunch can be compared to rising oestrogen and testosterone in the run-up to ovulation.

Post-lunch dip in energy? That’s the post-ovulation drop off of hormones.

Feel better in the second half of the afternoon? That’s similar to progesterone and oestrogen rising a few days after ovulation.

Want some peace and quiet at the end of the day so that you can wind down and fall asleep? That’s like the end of the cycle. (Though what I describe as ‘the end’ may well be a whole week or two, depending on your experience)

I hope we can all agree that the time before we fall asleep is not the time for bright lights and loud or sudden noises, and that’s how I suggest explaining cycle-related sensory sensitivity (or any other cycle variation) to those around you who don’t get it.

Communicating with others is an excellent form of self-care

It will hopefully mean that you’re less likely to experience anxiety, frustration, irritability and overwhelm. And they’ll probably feel better about things too, particularly if you’re putting boundaries in place about how you spend your time and energy that they need to know about.

My personal experience is that my sensory sensitivity skyrockets in the second half of my cycle and what tips me over into feeling frustrated and full of rage is usually forgetting to tell my boyfriend where I’m at and what I need, so take it from me and talk it out.

Want to talk to me?

I’ve released some one-off coaching sessions and you can book one here.