This is Episode 236, and today we’re talking about believing in yourself. Let’s get into it.

If you want to do things differently but need some help making it happen, then tune in for your weekly dose of coaching from me, Maisie Hill, Master Life Coach and author of Period Power. Welcome to The Maisie Hill Experience.

Hey, folks, welcome, welcome to today’s episode, which is all about the power of self-belief, especially during challenging times, and how to connect with self-belief when it feels elusive. So, I was walking along the cliff today where I live, just overlooking the beach, and I like to just as I’m strolling along, take a few minutes to just look down and look at the beach, look at the tide, watch the water, just see what’s going on.

And so, I was taking a few minutes to just watch the shoreline. And as I was watching the waves, I was thinking about how I have been reflecting on my self-belief, particularly over the last couple of weeks. And just assessing what level of belief I have in myself in the various aspects of my life, and the various projects that are ongoing, that are coming up, and the goals that I have. And building self-belief is one of those key things that my clients in the Membership work on, and it’s also perhaps why you listen to my podcast.

So, this is something that affects all of us. And I’ll be exploring today how that ebb and flow of life, the ebb and flow of your tides can influence your self-confidence and your belief in yourself. So, let’s start off with the sunny days and your belief in yourself when times are good. It’s so much easier to believe in yourself when you’re experiencing sunny days. And when you have evidence of your capabilities, when you’ve already achieved something, or when you receive praise. That’s when your self-confidence is likely to just naturally soar. Don’t make that a problem by the way.

That’s just how we’re wired. That’s how we work. It’s all good. My hope, though, is that you’re not just reliant on that external praise, but it’s okay to respond to it when you receive it. So, back to our picture of the beach. Think of a nice, calm beach day, the sun’s shining, you can feel it on your skin. The sand is firm beneath your feet, and you can just stroll along with ease, feeling the sun on your skin. This is how it feels when everything just aligns in your favour, when things are going well, and when you’ve achieved something.

And it’s so much easier to believe in yourself when you have proof that you can do it. But what I will add here is I know a heck of a lot of people who, even in their successes, are still plagued with doubt and disbelief. And their success feels fragile because they’re thinking, it’s just a fluke, I got lucky. And by some mercy, I managed to achieve this. So, it feels like it’s something that could just crumble away at any moment. And that’s what happens when you build your self-belief solely on your achievements.

And if you do that, you will always need to be achieving in order to feel good about yourself. So, relying solely on the self-belief that comes from the good times is limiting. It’s like building a sandcastle near the water’s edge; it might stand tall and proud for a while, it will have its moment, but it’s vulnerable to the next wave that comes in. And it doesn’t even need to be a substantial wave to come in, but that sandcastle’s going to get taken down.

So true self-belief is built not just on the sunny days, but also on the stormy ones. And understanding that even if that sandcastle gets washed away, you have the skills and the grit to build it again, and you have that resilience and belief in yourself, regardless of what’s happening with the weather and what’s happening with the tides. And it is essential that we celebrate our achievements along the way and let them boost our confidence. I’m a big believer in that.

Definitely keep doing that or start doing it if you’re not doing it already, because one of the ways that you can dial down your reliance on external praise from other people is by learning to praise, acknowledge, and celebrate yourself. And I recommend that you do that extensively and thoroughly. My clients are so good at doing this, it is a joy to read through our weekly wins thread in our community every week, not just because of all the things being celebrated, but the amount that everyone celebrates now, and just seeing the tangible impact of that.

So, by all means, celebrate hard. I remember when the wins thread began, it was a tentative celebration. Now people really go for it, and I just love to see it. And as I said, we can really see the impact of that. That’s the feedback that we get. So, for all of you listening, celebrate yourself hard. But then within that, recognise that your worth isn’t tied to your successes, it’s just inherent. Your self-worth is inherent. So, whilst it’s natural to bask in the warmth of the sun on those lovely days, remember that you also have the strength, the capability to weather the storms, no matter what happens.

So, let’s talk about when we’re venturing into uncharted territory. So, when you’re doing something that you haven’t done before. So, you have no proof that you can. And this is where the real challenge of self-belief lies, because it’s easy to believe in yourself when you’ve already done something once. So, let’s go back to the beach. You’re standing there. It’s low tide. So, the tide is out, the seabed is exposed. So, you see the jagged rocks, the seaweed, and then the ocean floor.

It’s a landscape that’s usually hidden beneath the wave,s and walking on it feels very different to the sand. It’s much more challenging and uncertain. The rocks can be sharp, the seaweed is slippery. And each step that you take on it is more considered; it requires awareness. And I like to think about that exposed seabed as being a lot like the times in life when we feel most vulnerable and seen.

And there are times when we really feel our insecurities, our doubts, and it’s like our imperfections, inexperiences, and insecurities are just laid bare for all to see. So, venturing out onto this terrain, despite feeling exposed, and navigating the slippery seaweed and the rocks. That is how we move through our fears and our doubts. This is about believing in ourselves even when we feel vulnerable, when we’re treading on unfamiliar ground and feeling exposed.

So, rather than fear this part, I want to encourage you to see it as a fantastic opportunity because it really is. If you can cultivate self-belief when the tide is out and you’re on that uncertain ground, then imagine what your self-belief will be like on the sunny days.

So, this is where that intrinsic motivation and self-trust really comes into play. So intrinsic motivation is that inner drive that propels you forward, and not because of the external rewards or recognition or the kind of end product as a result of all that effort, but just because of your desire to do the thing, whatever it is, and the satisfaction of undertaking it.

And then when you trust yourself, you’ll listen to that inner voice, that inner GPS compass, that gut feeling that tells you this is the path for you. And that you’re on the right path, even if it’s one you haven’t been down before, or one that nobody you know has been down before. So, imagine that you’re on that exposed beach during low tide. There’s no one around to guide you, no signs that are pointing the way giving you guidance. It’s just you, the terrain, and your internal compass guiding you.

That’s the intrinsic motivation and self-trust is the confidence to follow that even when it’s tough. So, of course, that naturally takes us into how, how do you cultivate self-belief, not from likes or shares or comments, praise from other people. And that external validation which can so easily dictate your sense of worth. So, we’re talking about the self-belief that comes from within, where you recognise your worth even if no one else does and that you don’t make your self-worth contingent upon your productivity or your achievements.

So, I’m going to give you an overview of how you can do that now. My recommendation, if you really want to learn how to do this, is to join us in The Collective because that’s where you’ll learn how to do this step by step. Listening to the podcast every week is helpful, but there really is nothing compared to what I can teach you inside the membership. And there are so many ways that we can help you, not just through teaching you, but by coaching you and doing it all together as a community.

And once you know how to do this, you will always know how to do this. It is a skill that will always be useful, and the way I teach you means that it will never go away.

So, when we’re talking about cultivating this kind of belief, the first way to do this is to examine your thoughts. The thoughts that you have are either reinforcing limiting beliefs about yourself and what you’re capable of, or they are reinforcing belief and support in you going for it. They’re doing one or the other.

The second way to do this is to reflect on your past achievements. So, you have to look for the times when you did overcome challenges or that you achieved something that was meaningful for you. It was satisfying for you to do regardless of what anyone else thought or any validation you received. Go to those memories, those examples of your strength, your capability, because if you don’t steer your brain in that direction you could end up focusing on all the times that didn’t go well and then get into a cycle of blaming and shaming yourself.

And that’s when the inner critic really likes to take over. So, you have to steer your brain. You have to take responsibility for your brain and be like, “No, we’re not going to do that. We’re not going in that direction. We’re going over here to that time where I was really proud of myself, I felt very accomplished. That was something challenging for me, and I did it.” That’s what I’m talking about.

The third way is to seek internal feedback. I mean, all of these things link together. But instead of looking outward, you go inwards. You can do that through journaling, through reflecting, just through your thinking, and definitely through the self-coaching techniques that I teach my clients. That will help you to tune into your feelings and notice the beliefs that you have about yourself. And you can get in the habit of giving yourself that internal feedback, that helpful feedback that’s supportive, not talking about deluding yourself here, but seeing your wins.

So that’s actually the fourth one I have here: celebrate all of your wins, not just the so-called big ones that come at the end of all of your efforts. We’re talking about celebrating every step along the way, including the failures. Can you love yourself through the failures without criticising and shaming yourself? Can you continue to believe in yourself in the failures? That’s what I want for you, that’s my goal.

And the fifth way is quite meta when we’re talking about self-belief but just start to believe that it’s possible for you, that it’s possible for you to believe in yourself. Again, this goes back to having awareness of your thoughts, your internal monologue, and for sure your inner critic and everything it has to say. But I can help you with all of those things, just join The Collective.

So, while the tide is exposing the seabed and making you feel vulnerable and seen. It’s also an opportunity for you to create self-belief, an opportunity for you to trust your inner compass and navigate the challenges, and to believe in yourself even when all that is happening. So, we’ve covered the sunny days and then the low tides with the tricky terrain. But we’ve also got the in-betweens, the transitions, and the unexpected turns. Our lives are always in constant motion. The tides are always in constant motion. Things are always shifting.

And that’s why I want you to have the belief through all of those times. So, as I was watching the tide today, I was thinking a lot about my life, and kind of at the same time just thinking about how the sand shifts every year. I know, of course, it’s shifting every day, several times a day, but every summer our beach is different.

So, along our stretch of beach is a walkway, a promenade. And at some points it’s a couple of metres down to the sand, and then at other points it’s only half a metre. So, you get to know the points where it’s easy to jump down onto the sand and where you kind of need to use the steps or whatever. But every year these points change. So, some years the sand is low at the bottom of the steps down and other times it comes up really high. It really fascinates me seeing how the sand shifts.

And I was reflecting on the places in my life where the sand is shifting, some of those shifting sands are planned out. So, I knew that it’s coming and why, but beyond that, I can feel something in me shifting just like the grains of sand kind of going through a sand timer. I can just feel them beginning to shift, and I don’t know exactly what that is yet, but I can feel it in me. So, there’s a shift going on within m,e and that brings some uncertainty.

So, whether it’s an internal shift, like a change in your values or your beliefs, or an external one, like a career move or a personal loss, or shift of some kind. Changes can shake your self-belief and challenge it. But just as the tide comes in and out, these moments are temporary, and you have a say in how you respond to them and how you navigate through them.

So, when you’re standing on the sand and it’s moving underneath your feet, can you go with it? Do you need to adjust your stance a little bit to get rooted? Or if you’re sinking and getting stuck, can you move, can you get out of it? Do you trust your ability to sense these things and discern what needs to be done, and believe in your decision-making and ability to take action? It’s those moments of the shaking and the challenging that creates strength and resilience.

And I want you to get to the point where you can embrace the constant tide, the ebb and flow, the lows, the moments of doubt, the times when your inner critic is louder than ever. I want to help you maintain self-belief during the low tide moments.

So, if you don’t know how to do that, let’s get to work on those deeper underlying currents, the ones that are hidden from view, that are influencing your self-belief. The ones that have been there, sometimes unnoticed, but always present, always shaping your perceptions and your reactions to things. Because just like the ocean has its undercurrents that we don’t see, but they’re powerful enough to influence the entire sea and shoreline and everything else that the ocean does.

You have deep-rooted beliefs and patterns that are doing the same. The beliefs that you’ve held onto since childhood. The patterns you’ve unknowingly adopted, the narratives you’ve been told by others explicitly or subtly, and have then gone on to repeat to yourself for years. These are the undercurrents that are either going to support your self-belief and propel you forward, or they’re going to dismantle your self-belief and make it very hard for you to build any. That’s why we have to address them so that they’re not going to pull you back into old habits and doubts.

So, I’m going to show you how to recognise and understand those undercurrents and then take the power out of them and replace them with beliefs that support you. Because once you’re aware of them, you get to choose to either ride with them and use them or redirect them in a way that serves your growth and self-belief.

And with all the tools that I teach you inside The Collective, you are going to be set up to navigate the tides with grace. If the doors are closed when you’re listening to this, then just get your name on the waitlist and come and join us in the future, and I will see you in there. 

Hey, if you love listening to this podcast then come and check out my membership, Powerful, where you get my best resources and all the coaching you need to transform your inner and outer life. Sign up to the waitlist at maisiehill.com/powerful, and I’ll see you in the community.