This is episode 237, and I’m so excited for this one because I noticed something recently, and it just lit something up inside of me. So get ready for a bit of a wake-up call.

If you want to do things differently but need some help making it happen, then tune in for your weekly dose of coaching from me, Maisie Hill, Master Life Coach and author of Period Power. Welcome to The Maisie Hill Experience.

Hi folks. Before we get into today’s episode, if you hear any screams or thumps or yelling, loud bangs of various kinds, it’s because I’m recording this at home, and there are children here. It is now the summer holidays, and I usually record my podcast in my studio, but we have had torrential rain in the last 48 hours, and some of the building’s ceiling has fallen through the building. Thankfully, not in my room, but the building is off limits for now, so I am recording this at home.

Also, if you heard about the launch of my membership about a month ago and you wanted to join, but then you told yourself that now’s not the right time, then this is your chance to rethink that. So, if this episode hits close to home for you, if it resonates, then you are going to be able to join the membership because I couldn’t talk about today’s topic without giving you a chance to join.

So if you’re listening to this when this episode airs, then you can go to maisiehill.com/powerful and sign up. That link is going to work and allow you to sign up until next week’s episode drops. If it’s not working for you because you’re listening to this in the future, then just drop your name on the wait list instead.

Okay. Now that I’ve got those announcements and caveats out of the way, I’m really happy to be back here today. I had actually planned on recording this episode several weeks ago, right after the launch happened, but I have had a couple of weeks of taking care of myself because creating a whole new membership has been a massive project, a huge undertaking, and after it was all done, there was this day where I just woke up, it was a Monday, and everything felt very strange to me because I realised that I had nothing to be done.

So for the first time in 18 months, there was no big decisions waiting, no content to create, no videos to film, no writing deadlines, just stillness. And it’s not that I’ve been working nonstop for 18 months because I’ve certainly had afternoons off, periods of rest, days of doing less, but even during those, there’s always been this ever-present list, like a background hum of things that still needs to be figured out, choices to make, and stuff to be done.

So to suddenly wake up and feel none of that was very, very different, and I keep forgetting how much I’ve actually done until I talk to Paul or a friend, and I like, describe the process of what’s happened to them and list it all out. And Paul recently said that watching me build the membership, like rebuild the membership, has been like watching me write a book.

And he’s not wrong because that’s usually like a year-long process of planning, writing, and editing. And that’s what this has been like, and in actual fact, I did write a book, or at least half of one, because the PDF that is inside the Inner Odyssey course that’s within the membership is 30,000 words. That is literally half a book. So I wrote that and created all the slide decks for the course, then I filmed the lessons, and that is just the course part of the membership. It’s one aspect of the membership.

So now, at the end of this epic and important journey, I’ve been resting and recovering. So if you remember the episode that I did about the three phases of success, where we have the approach, like the preparation, then there’s the actual jump, like taking the leap and doing the thing, and then riding away afterwards, I’m in that riding away phase. And actually, I’ve just come to the end of a whole series of jumps, so I’m kind of beyond the riding away phase, actually. I’m out of the arena. I’m lying on the sofa, I’m watching Nordic dramas, I’m hanging out with my horse, Buttons. I’m enjoying TikTok.

I’m hanging out with my family, and there’ve been days where even going to the yard to see my horse has felt too much, and especially in the heat wave that we’ve had, I find the heat quite dysregulating. So I’ve been hanging out on my own as much as possible, just taking care of me, because this is part of success, and not many people talk about this, but I really believe in the idea of intentional collapse on the other side of doing something.

And I know that there are people out there who say that it doesn’t have to be this way, and that might be true for them. Okay? But I’m like, are you sure about that? Because for me, the creative process is cyclical, and just like any birth, any creation, it needs a period of post-birth recovery, and that recovery is really crucial, especially for me being autistic, and when I start to lose my words, that is one of my biggest tells that I need to stop and be alone and take care of myself because when I start struggling with simple words and like jumbling them all up, instead of car, I might say key, and it takes just enormous effort for me to get a sentence out and do any kind of communication.

That’s my body’s way of saying like, “Okay, time out, we’re done, time to rest.” That’s just my experience of being autistic, but I think even just for anyone who’s involved in a creative process of any kind, think about some kind of intentional collapse on the other side. I love that idea.

So that’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve been hiding out. I’ve been letting myself collapse with intention, and now I’m coming out the other side, and it feels so good to be back and be able to speak like this again, and I’m really grateful to be able to hang out with you like this.

Now, today, I have got to talk to you about something that came up during the most recent launch of my membership, Powerful, because this is something that really took me by surprise. So over the years, I have done a lot of launches, and with every launch, we get questions from people who are interested in joining, but you know, they’ve got a question or two about how it will work and if it’s going to suit them.

And this time, I invited anyone who was considering joining but had like some questions to message me directly on Instagram and tell me what they were feeling unsure about. And usually, we get very practical questions about what time the calls are, what kinds of things you can get coached on, those kinds of inquiries. So that’s what I was expecting, but it is not what happened.

So this time, one theme rose to the top, and as I was reflecting and preparing to record this, I was like going through all the messages, and I think there was only a few questions we got that weren’t about this theme. And it was just so fascinating to me that I decided we have to address it on the podcast because it’s not just to do with the membership.

This is a pattern that shows up in so many ways, and I even noticed it in myself fairly recently. So the most common hesitation that people shared was some version of, “I’ve got a lot going on right now. Maybe I should wait until things are calmer so I can make the most of it.” And for some people, it was that they had a really intense work project happening for the next few months. For others, it was that they’re pregnant and going to be giving birth in a few months, stuff like that, all important stuff.

And listen, I love it when you buy in an intentional way because how you buy is how you’ll show up in the membership. People who jump in and buy immediately usually jump in with the materials and coaching very quickly. The people who are more considered are also very intentional with how they use and interact with the membership. So both of those ways of being are great from my point of view.

What I don’t like is people who need to be convinced to join. This is why I’m adamant with my team about not convincing people to join. Firstly, I just think it’s a really yucky way of selling things. I don’t like to be on the receiving end of this kind of selling, and I don’t like selling from this place, so I don’t do it. It’s just gross to me.

But also, when you need to convince someone to sign up, you usually then need to convince them to come to the calls and to convince them that what you’re teaching works and is worth doing. And I’m just very unwilling to expend my energy on convincing people of things. It’s just not the kind of relationship I want to be in with my clients or my business, and it’s not good for anyone. It’s not good for the whole vibe of the membership to have that kind of needing to convince people energy going on. And it’s not that everyone in the membership needs to agree with what I’m saying, but it’s just about degrees of readiness and being willing and able to interact with things rather than having someone convince you that it’s a good idea that you should, right? Notice that difference.

So buying with intention and in a considered way is really great. And although saying things like, “I’ve got a lot going on right now, maybe I should wait until things are calmer so I can make the most of it,” that sounds so reasonable on paper, but when you zoom in on what’s really happening there, it is wild.

So I’ve got to point this out to you. It sounds considered because on the surface of it, you’re thinking about your schedule and how much time you have to invest, your energy levels, other stuff you’ve got going on in your life. But you don’t need lots of time to get results from using the membership. That is not how it’s set up.

So let’s just do away with that and address what this is really about because what you’re actually saying is, “I have something big and intense and important happening in my life, so I’m going to wait until it’s over until I get support. I’m about to enter a high-stress, high-demand, high-emotion period, so I’ll do it alone.”

Right, when I say it like that, how does it sound to you? It doesn’t make any sense. It’s very understandable. We all do this. As I said, I caught myself doing this literally a week or so ago and interrupted it. This is why I love coaching so much, because you train your brain to spot these thoughts, and you can interrupt and interrogate them.

So when we delay support, that is one form of perfectionism. It is self-abandonment dressed up as being practical and considerate. And there’s also a belief that you need to earn help by surviving something first. And I get it because when you’ve been raised to be low-maintenance, to not be a burden to others, to be competent and capable, and you know, figure it all out yourself, of course, your nervous system is going to flinch a bit at the idea of receiving support mid-chaos.

I mean, what does that bring up for you when you think about receiving support in the middle of your mess? What happens? What reaction do you have to that? Because this is exactly when you need it most, not on the other side of it. You need help when you’re in the midst of it.

Support at any time is great, but why wait until after? And by the way, there is no after. It’s a lovely idea, but there is no after. Okay? Once the baby’s born, then there’s the fourth trimester, and then there’s the next phase of parenting, and then the next, it doesn’t stop. If anything, I found the first few months to be the time when I had the most time to watch and listen to stuff.

It’s the same goes for your big project. When your big project wraps up, there will be a next project. Life doesn’t stop. So don’t wait until your calendar is suddenly and miraculously clear because it isn’t going to happen. But it is something that we can coach you on and help you with. 

So the way to have more freedom and space in your calendar is to get coached on making it happen, not having no coaching and life just passing by and your calendar remaining the same, and you keep saying, “Oh, wait until I have more time.” It’s not going to happen.

So let’s get into the meat of what this is about. It is the collision of two things: internalised beliefs about worthiness and performance, and then conditioning around what it means to be seen while you’re struggling because we are taught, especially those of us who’ve been raised and socialised as females, that help is something you get once you’ve tried everything else and that being messy makes you harder to love and that support for you is indulgent, so it has to be earned. And even then, it’s uncomfortable.

And we see this all the time because with every cohort that joins the membership, there’s a bunch of you for whom this will be the first investment you’ve made in yourself. I mean, it gives me chills every single time I see someone talk about this in the membership because we’re socialised to be okay with investing in everyone else with our time, our energy, our love, but not ourselves. We’re socialised that it’s okay to spend money on your kids’ shoes or on your family holiday or on makeup, that’s acceptable, but not your own mind and well-being.

So instead of letting people see our mess, we delay getting help until we’ve like tidied ourselves up. And this can be tidying your mindset up, or it can be tidying your home. How many of you clean the house before the cleaner arrives, or you know someone who does this? Or you try to solve the problem before you bring it to a coach. And by the way, for those of you in the membership, that is different to you doing some self-coaching first and then going deeper with a coach because the place you’re doing it from is different.

So one is self-exploration that’s coming from curiosity, and one is coming from self-judgment where you’re trying to make yourself presentable and you’re hiding the overwhelm and hiding your mistakes and your tender parts and the stuff that you feel ashamed of because being seen like that feels like exposure.

And you’re thinking, well, if I can just get through this part, then I’ll be ready for someone to help me, or then I’ll be worthy of receiving help. But what happens is you get through it, which, you know, there’s other ways to experience life other than getting through it, but then the next hard thing arrives, and then the next, and the next. Meanwhile, your nervous system, your body, is holding everything alone without community and quietly believing that this is how it should be. So you keep reinforcing this pattern, never getting help when you need it.

So here’s what I want to offer instead. The time to receive support is when you need it. Not when you’ve earned it, not when you’re calm, not when you have time, and not when you’re polished and presentable. But in the middle of the mess, that is what coaching is for. And by the way, that is when you can get the biggest breakthroughs. When you get coached when you are in the thick of it, the coaching is 10 times more powerful and valuable than the coaching that you get when life is calm and lovely. And you know, coaching is always valuable, so that is a lot of value.

Now, I told you that this came up for me recently. I have been wanting to go back to working with a personal trainer to do some strength training for a while, and I noticed myself thinking that I should do some kettlebell work on my own first at home, and then start working with someone. And guess what? I thought about doing this a few months ago as well, and nothing has changed. Why on earth do I need to do it myself first? I just have this thought error that the work I do with the personal trainer will be more valuable then, which just isn’t true because the most valuable thing is to get started.

So if you’re listening to this and thinking, “Yeah, but you don’t understand, I’m about to start a new job, I’m pregnant, I’ve got things happening in my life, I’ve got a massive project,” let me really be clear here. You are the exact person who needs this work. You don’t need to be less busy to get support. You don’t need to wait until it’s some perfectionist tidied-up version of yourself. This is about helping you, the real version of you, not some imaginary perfectionist version in your future. Okay, you don’t need to be less busy to get support. You need support because you’re busy.

So if your inner voice is telling you to wait until things are calmer, I want you to pause and ask, what are you really afraid of? Is it really about time? Is it about being seen? Is it about being honest that you need help? Is it about investing in yourself? Is it about receiving help and feeling worthy of receiving it? Is it about being in community and being held and supported in a community? These are big questions. They’re real questions. So my recommendation is to give them real answers. Really answer those questions.

And as I said, of course, there’s the practical part that’s wrapped up in this hesitation as well, thinking that you need time in order to get the full value. But that’s based on the assumption that this work requires hours of free calendar space, which is not the case, okay? You don’t need to clear a whole afternoon and sit at your desk and take notes to do it properly. That’s not how it works.

So of course then when a big life thing shows up, a new job, a new baby, a new season of some kind, your brain is going to go, “Well, now’s not the time because I won’t be able to do it right,” because it has this idea that there is a way of doing it right. And this perfectionist pattern of thinking will for sure be showing up in other aspects of your life, so I would love to help you address it and knock it on the head. Just think about how liberating that would be. Okay, because you don’t need to watch every video. You don’t need to attend every call or show up perfectly. In fact, I strongly discourage you from doing that. You don’t need 10 hours a week or a quiet house or a magic block of free time.

Some of the biggest shifts I’ve seen from members come from watching a single coaching call replay or submitting one coaching request in our written coaching service, or reading someone else’s post in the community before going to bed. These are all opportunities where you can hear exactly what you don’t know you need to hear right now. There are a lot of resources in the membership, but every single video or resource is designed to get you a shift. You don’t have to finish everything in order to feel the impact, okay? This is a membership that supports you in real time while you’re living your actual life. There is no completing the membership option because there’s just so much in there.

So if you’re waiting for a spacious week or your calendar to behave itself or the humans in your life to behave themselves, please release yourself from that unrealistic standard. It’s not serving you. Okay, if you have listened to this episode and you felt seen, and you’ve been waiting for the right moment to join the membership and get coaching help, your chance is here. We are reopening Powerful for the week after this episode airs until the next one comes out. So you can either just DM me on Instagram for the link or go to maisiehill.com/powerful. We’ll put the link in the show notes too.

I hope this has been a good wake-up call for you because this shows up in so many areas of life where we deny ourselves the help we need because we think we’re too messy to show ourselves at this moment in time, and we wait until we’re some tidied up version of ourselves, and it’s just not useful. So let’s drop that standard and get help when we need it. Okay, folks, I will catch you next week.

Hey, if you love listening to this podcast then come and check out my membership, Powerful, where you get my best resources and all the coaching you need to transform your inner and outer life. Sign up to the waitlist at maisiehill.com/powerful, and I’ll see you in the community.