This is episode 245, and today we’re talking about mental blocks or, to put it another way, all the times you’ve slid your chips across the casino table and handed your future to someone else.

If you want to do things differently but need some help making it happen, then tune in for your weekly dose of coaching from me, Maisie Hill, Master Life Coach and author of Period Power. Welcome to The Maisie Hill Experience.

Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening, folks. I am recording this in Arizona. I’m back here for an additional eight-day training just to round off my apprenticeship in equine facilitated learning that I’ve been doing here. And this time, most of my cohort were all staying together at this ranch that’s in the desert, and it’s just, it’s amazing.

But usually, when I come to Arizona, the air is very dry, and my body always seems to respond really positively to the respite from the UK humidity. But this time, it’s actually humid, and it’s like 36 degrees, so I’m doing a lot of sweating. But it’s just so gorgeous and green because they’ve had rain recently, and it’s just amazing. There’s so much space, just wide open space, but there’s also these mountains in the distance. So it’s like very expansive, but you feel contained at the same time.

Now, there is also very little signal here, so I’m not entirely sure how I’m going to upload this once it’s recorded, but I will figure it out, which is fitting because that’s exactly what I want to talk to you about. Because today I want to talk about when your mind tells you that there’s no way forward unless a certain external block shifts in some way, but really the way through it is already available to you. Because recently, I’ve been thinking about mental blocks, and I realised that the first, and perhaps most challenging aspect of it, is actually recognising that you have a mental block in the first place. Because your mind tends to present these things as facts. Well, I can’t do this thing until this thing happens.

And that other thing is always out of reach, right? Someone else has to approve or say yes, give permission in some way. A piece of equipment has to be bought and needs to arrive. You have to move. You need a certain amount of money. It’s going to involve other people. A condition has to change. So it feels like a very real roadblock. But really, it’s just a story that you have.

So I remember talking to a business owner who was telling me about their future plans for their business. And the main part of their plan for their business was that they were determined to get their product in front of a certain person who they deemed as being really influential because they were convinced that person, if they promoted their product, would super launch their business in some way.

Now, first of all, we don’t know if that’s true, okay? We have no idea. But whilst I think it’s great if something like that happens to happen, I don’t think it’s a good idea to plan your success around someone else like that, right? That’s quite a gamble. You’re handing your entire future to some other person that you may never even meet, and you certainly can’t control what they decide to do or not do. So it’s like being at the casino and just handing over all your chips to someone else. Complete stranger, maybe someone you know, but you’re just handing everything over to them instead of betting on yourself.

And maybe you think, yeah, but I wouldn’t do that, right? But I want you to pause and think about where are you already doing this? Where are you already waiting for something or someone external to you to shift or respond in order for you to succeed? Maybe this happens in your profession. Maybe women don’t achieve a level of seniority or pay grade until a certain age or stage in their career. So you’re just waiting till you hit that age in order for you to move ahead in your career.

This can also show up in relationships. So it could be with your partner, a family member, one of your friends, where you’re waiting for them to get on board with your plans before you pursue something, when you actually already know what you want. You already know what you want to pursue. But this can also be about availability of resources, like the amount of time you have or don’t have, the amount of money, the amount of support, energy, attention, etc., etc.

There are all sorts of versions of this. It comes up a lot when there’s something that you want to do, but it just involves or it will affect other people, which is most things in life. And if those people aren’t readily available to you in the way that you want them to be, or they don’t get back to you, or they don’t reply with a yes, then that thing that you want is no longer on the table. But only because you’ve made yourself dependent on that person by thinking that you are. All right? We’re not saying that you are. You think that you are.

And I know that some of you will be thinking, yeah, but Maisie, you don’t understand my situation. What’s happening with me is blah, blah, blah, blah. And that means that I’m different from what you’re talking about, and I really can’t do anything. And if you’re thinking that, I just want to invite you to just put that belief to one side for a moment and just hear me out. And by the way, I am right there in this with all of you, okay? This is a conversation I am having with myself at the moment. So I get how real the, quote unquote, “limitations” can feel.

But we do this to ourselves to get away from the discomfort that comes with being in your power. All right, we talk about how being powerful is going to feel really good. Actually, it can feel quite uncomfortable. But if someone else has the power, then you don’t have to face your own resistance. You don’t have to risk failure. You don’t have to deal with the discomfort of trying and not getting the outcome you wanted.

So instead, what we do is we place bets on other people and external factors because then we get to abdicate our responsibility. We can delay doing things. We don’t have to confront any challenges within us. And it gives you this illusion of safety, and it really is an illusion, right, because it doesn’t make you safer. And it can come at great cost. So it’s quite an expensive bargain to be making. It’s like leaving your chips on the table and just watching everyone else play with them whilst you convince yourself that you had no choice in the matter, which is not true.

So when you notice yourself doing these things, when you notice yourself handing over your power to other people and external things, I want you to picture yourself at that casino table with all those stacks of chips in front of you. And then see yourself just sliding them all across to someone else and saying, here, you bet on my behalf. You make the moves. How does that feel? Really notice what happens in your body when you imagine yourself doing that. Because to me, it feels alarming. It feels alarming to hand over my power to someone else like that. I don’t want someone else to gamble on my future. I want to be the one that gambles with my future.

Another way that we can create mental blocks is with the words that we use. So words really shape how we feel, and then how we feel drives our behaviour, all the things that we do or don’t do.

So again, think about sitting down at that casino table. And as you sit down, the dealer says to you, “You know, sometimes you’re going to lose, sometimes you’re going to win, but just enjoy learning how to play and figuring this out.” Right? That’s to me, at least, feels inviting. It’s like no big deal. But if the dealer says, “Listen, this is a high-stakes game,” that probably feels very different.

But some of you literally say this to me in your coaching submissions that this thing that you’re trying to do is high stakes. That description is optional. You don’t have to describe it that way. And you just want to always check in on, is it useful for me to describe it this way? That’s your check-in. If it feels fine to you, if it’s going to help you do the things that you set out to do, then keep it. Some of you will be quite thrilled by the idea of it being high stakes, but for many of you, that will be intimidating and a reason for you to stop.

So language matters. And when you’re rubbing up against a limiting belief of some kind or a tendency that you have, and you tell yourself that you have to overcome it, check in with how that feels. Is the emotion that you’re feeling going to lead to the type of action you need to do in order to move through that challenge? If it does, great. By all means, stick with it, and just go ahead and do that thing. If it doesn’t, though, then we need another way of thinking about it.

I am very sensitive to words, right? My demand avoidance alarm just goes off pretty easily anytime someone tells me what to do in some form. Even if it’s something that I really want to do or had already planned on doing, once someone tells me to do it, my heels dig in. And language choices might not matter so much to you, but this is something that I just invite you to play with. Do you need to overcome an obstacle, or are you going to sweep it away? Those things might feel quite different to you. Do you want to battle or struggle with something, or do you want to dance with it?

Sometimes, a simple language tweak can make a massive difference in how you approach things by opening a path which your mind had insisted that there was no path beforehand.

Now, the other way that we can block ourselves is by thinking that we don’t have options when in fact we do. There are always options. You might not want to go with those options, but be honest about that because it’s better for you to tell yourself that you do have options, but you’re not willing to do them for whatever your reasons are, than to tell yourself that you have no options. Because again, how do you feel when you think you have no options? For me, that feels very final and absolute.

So there’s a sense of despair and hopelessness that’s created in me when I think that way, which isn’t conducive to creative problem solving. So instead, I want to actively engage my creative thinking and challenge myself to solve the puzzle. Because if I think something along the lines of, there’s a way I can make this happen, that’s very stimulating to me. It’s challenging in a good way, and I feel determined, and it gets me hunting for the solution. So you can think about that. So always be reminding yourself that you do have options.

Now, the final part of this is that in being attached to the 100% version of your dream goal, you can end up blocking other points of access to it. So think of your 100% dream goal as the jackpot. And as I said, I’m in this at the moment. I’m right there with you.

So there’s the 100% version of my dream goal, and that is going to require a lot of resources. Or it means using less resources in some areas but being willing to make bigger changes and compromises. And I don’t have it figured out, and it does involve other people. It will affect other people. But it’s just, I’m in that phase of goal setting and goal getting that it’s the beginning. It’s the “wouldn’t it be cool to do this” stage.

So right now, I’m just letting myself want it. I am practising wanting this thing, which involves me giving myself permission to want it and to consider it. I haven’t figured out the how yet. I don’t actually need to. I am in the wanting of it. I could list all sorts of reasons why this dream of mine won’t work. But all of that is story. It’s just an opinion. None of it is fact. So you’ve got to watch out for the places where your brain is presenting something as if it’s a fact, and it’s the truth. And really question if it is.

But what I can do instead is do the 2% version of that big dream. Because if you only ever focus on hitting the jackpot, you miss out on all the other tasks along the way, all the wins that allow you to build your skill and confidence. What can I do now? What’s already available to me? Just enough to get me going with this so that I can build the skills and resources that I need in order to achieve the full 100% version.

That is how I’m approaching this in my own life. Because that 2% version gets you playing. It gets you learning and moving, and it’s just like having one single chip at that casino table and putting it down on the table. You’re counting yourself in. You’re in the game. Learning how to play, getting involved with the odds, and getting comfortable betting on yourself.

All right, let’s finish up with your all-important coaching questions to reflect on. Where are you waiting for someone else to take charge or place your bet? What chips have you already slid across the table that you can now take back? What’s the smallest bet you could make on yourself today? And what language can you use that’s going to help making that move easier?

And those of you who are inside Powerful, go ahead, share your answers in the community so that we can all explore them and coach you through them.

All right, folks, I am sending love from Arizona. Have a cracking week, and I will catch you next time.

Hey, if you love listening to this podcast then come and check out my membership, Powerful, where you get my best resources and all the coaching you need to transform your inner and outer life. Sign up to the waitlist at maisiehill.com/powerful, and I’ll see you in the community.