Okay, folks, this is episode 223, How to Sell Yourself. This is an episode I’ve been mentioning doing from time to time for a while, and the topic came up on a coaching call recently in the membership, and I was like, okay, it’s time, let’s do this one. So here it is, enjoy it.

If you want to do things differently but need some help making it happen then tune in for your weekly dose of coaching from me, Maisie Hill, Master Life Coach and author of Period Power. Welcome to The Maisie Hill Experience.

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. It is amazing to have you here. Now, this is going to be a really good episode. So buckle up, strap yourselves in, and get ready. So let’s talk about making plans. Have you ever made a plan, like a really good one, and then just ghosted on it?

Maybe when you came up with it, you were feeling like really aligned with it and really excited, and maybe you blocked it out in your calendar in some way, imagined how future you would just absolutely crush it and this was the best idea ever. And then you didn’t do it. Maybe you avoided it. Maybe you just kind of conveniently forgot about it. Maybe the time to do things related to it rolled around, and you just thought, “Well, oh no, not today, I’ve got this on,” or “This is more important, this is urgent, I’ve got to deal with this.”

And instead of getting curious about that, maybe you got judgmental about it in some way. Maybe you didn’t just question the plan that you’d come up with and, you know, who you were when you made that and your ability to make decisions. You know, because that actually just turns into doubting yourself. And wondering if you’d pick the wrong thing, or worse than that, if maybe you’re just the kind of person who doesn’t follow through, or you’re lazy, or whatever other insulting place is your go-to.

So this episode is for that exact moment. Because what I want to show you today is that you are always selling yourself on something. Always. Either you’re selling yourself on why the plan is worth it or why it’s not; why it’s the priority, why it isn’t; why you can do it, or why you can’t. And fundamentally, why it matters or why it’s perfectly okay to come back to it later.

So selling isn’t just something that we do when we have a business and you’re offering a product, pitching an idea, working in a company or an organization where sales are a part of it. It’s something that we do internally all the time and externally as well. We’re always selling other people on our ideas. I’m really good at selling Paul on, you know, what takeaway we should get, for example.

And when you learn how to sell yourself on purpose, it changes everything. Now, a quick side note that I have to address before we go into this. My amazing assistant Robyn has been telling me about all the emails you’ve been sending asking when you’re going to be able to sign up for the membership.

And I love how many of you are ready and excited for this next chapter because we are in the midst of some major upgrades to the membership. I have been working on this very intensely behind the scenes for the last four, five months, I’m going to say. And I can’t wait to share it with you. It’s all in progress, it’s happening.

We are going to be opening the door soon. So if you’re listening and wondering about joining the membership, like, yes, you are going to be able to sign up soon. We’ll let you know the dates as soon as we have them confirmed, and I can’t wait to just roll out the changes we’ve been making and show you all what’s been going on and welcome you in. So it is happening. Don’t worry, you haven’t missed anything. All these very lovely emails being like, “I’m really worried I’ve missed it or I’m going to miss it.” We are going to let you know. Don’t worry, okay?

But back to today. I have been talking about doing this episode for a while. So, you know, if you’ve been listening to the podcast for some time or you’re a client of mine in the membership, you’ve probably heard me talk about the idea of selling yourself.

But I want to really tease it apart because this is such a fun skill to have. And one of my clients recently, like, I guess maybe last year or at the start of this year, I had offered her some coaching and was like, “I just want to like you to sell yourself on all of the options so that it doesn’t really matter what you end up picking.” And she came back and gave me the feedback that that’s what she was doing and and that it’s like really freed her up.

So I want you to be able to do that too. So let’s start with what I mean when I say sell yourself, or rather what I don’t mean, because let’s be clear, this isn’t about fake positivity, manipulating yourself, or faking enthusiasm for a plan that you actually hate, right? Although I do think it’s worthwhile having clarity on why something is a strong no for you, in the same way I think it’s worthwhile knowing why you’re a strong yes or a maybe. Right? That’s just good information to have.

And selling yourself is definitely not about bullying yourself into action with pressure or guilt. It’s the complete opposite. Selling yourself is about choosing something on purpose and then backing it internally all the way to the finish line. It’s showing up as someone who’s already all in, not waiting to feel 100% certain before you act, but creating that certainty through who you are and how you act as a result of who you are. Okay?

So it’s the difference between just waiting for the right decision to deciding, “I’m going to make this the right decision by how I follow through.” Because when you can sell yourself on your plan, that’s the secret to not second guessing yourself at every move. And you’ll stop looking for a better option or waiting for a sign. And most importantly, you will stop needing other people to co-sign your choices.

So instead, what happens is your thoughts, your emotions, your actions, they all start lining up in the same direction. Okay? There’s a coherence and that’s where momentum comes from. That’s where it lives. And that’s how you build self-trust. But as I said, the good news is that you are already doing this all the time. This is a skill you already have in some form. We’re just going to intentionally use it in a different way.

So every decision you make, every time you ghost a plan or follow through on one, that is the result of an internal sales pitch. Okay? You sold yourself on why it made sense to skip your workout. You sold yourself on why it’s a great idea to go to run club. You sold yourself on why it’s, you know, not quite the right time to apply for the job. You sold yourself on why you’re going to go for that promotion.

And by the way, none of these are good or bad. Don’t think there’s a judgment here on this. You could sell yourself on skipping your workout and that be a really fantastic act of self-care. Right? I have no idea, but I’m just giving you an example of you’re always persuading yourself to do things or not do things. You could sell yourself on why just checking Instagram is a good idea, but maybe you’ve been saying that you want less screen time. Or maybe you’ve been saying that’s actually really important for your business.

Okay? So please hear me, there’s no judgment on what any of these behaviors are. I just want to show you that you are already highly persuasive. So the question isn’t whether you can sell yourself. The question is, what are you selling yourself on? Are you selling yourself on your power or on your limits? Are you selling yourself on your commitment or your fears? On your vision or on your excuses?

It’s okay if you’re squirming a bit right now. But in the moment, the difference is what you get on the other side. So you don’t need to be better at selling, you’re already fantastic at doing that. You just need to choose the direction. It’s a totally different energy because when you build this skill, you create multiple ways to create what you want.

And that gets you out of binary thinking that there’s a right and wrong way to do things. But it also means that you become more strategic in your choices because you don’t make them based on your fears and insecurities.

So I was coaching someone recently about a choice that she was weighing up, and I pointed out to her that there was actually no difference between the two things she was considering. And although on paper and according to lots of people’s opinions, there were plenty of differences. But what I was showing her was that they were actually more similar than she thought, as long as she backed her decision, there wasn’t actually that much difference. That is the skill.

And I’ve seen this in myself too. So often when I’m coaching myself through something in my business or when I’m getting coached on it, I can make an excellent case for going in either direction or in several directions. Right? Usually I’m kind of at the point of like, you know, weighing up a couple of things.

And I can be like, “Well, yeah, if I do this, then…” and I can really sell myself on that plan. “But if I do this, then…” And by that point, I’ve sold myself on both options. And you might think that’s really unhelpful, especially if you find it hard to make decisions because you usually want choices taken off the table. You want fewer options, not more.

But I want you to see how powerful this is, how much agency it gives you. And it actually takes away your attachment to the idea that there is a correct choice, so you have to find that correct choice. And when you stop needing the perfect choice, you start becoming the person who can make choices work. That is vastly different. And that’s what it means to be sold on yourself.

So I was thinking about an example of how this could show up in your life. And I thought about, you know, what if you were going out for the night and you were trying to choose where to go. So let’s say you’ve got a bunch of options and, you know, there’s some that you just wouldn’t even consider because you already know that they’re not right for you. Okay? That’s important. Right? Because as I said, you’re not selling yourself on things that aren’t a good fit for you or that are harmful. In the same way that it’s unlikely you would choose to go to a restaurant that is known for people getting food poisoning at. See what I mean?

So you’ve already automatically kind of ruled out some stuff. But you’ve got a few options left and maybe one’s got a great cocktail menu. Maybe one’s like got a really good vibe or you can see the sunset from there. One you’ve been to before and you just know it’s a solid option, it always delivers.

So you weigh them up. Maybe you ask a friend for input. Maybe the people that you’re going out with, you might Google the menus. Maybe you overthink it a bit. But the thing is, where you go matters a whole lot less than who you are when you walk in. If you’ve already sold yourself on the night, on the vibe, on your ability to ensure that it is just a great night because of who you are, right? Not because you’re doing anything particular.

Then whatever you choose, you’re going to have a great time. You’re showing up with the belief that you create the energy, that you will connect. You’ll be connected to yourself, to the people that you’re with, to what’s going on around you, that you’ll enjoy yourself, that you belong there. That’s what selling yourself does. It ensures you create a good experience on purpose.

Whereas if we compare that to walking in with doubt, right? Second guessing, feeling unsure that you picked the right place, you know, “Oh, I don’t know, not sure about this place.” Or maybe you’re busy thinking that the people you’re meant to meet are going to be flaky, they’re not going to show up. Or maybe the food’s not going to be good, you know.

That energy follows you in. And you’re not sold on your own night. And you will feel it. Likely other people will too. Right? Because you won’t be present. Because if you’re thinking all of those things, then you’re not present. And you’ll look around for evidence that something’s off, and you will find it because that’s what doubt does. It’s like putting on glasses that just filter for things that are wrong.

Because your brain’s trying to protect you in this moment. Your whole body’s trying to protect you. Like, “Oh, I don’t know about this.” So then you go and and look for the evidence of why that’s true. So your mind will be elsewhere, and that will stop you from connecting with the experience that you wanted to have because you’re not even in it. So this is also your self-concept in action.

This is the difference between, “Well, I hope this is a nice night. I hope I have a good time.” It’s the difference between that and, “Wherever I go, I always have a good time.” It’s the energy of someone who trusts their ability to create a result rather than someone who’s just crossing their fingers and hoping it shows up by making things outside of you responsible for your experience.

And this applies to everything: dating, business, projects, planning your week. The external plan matters way less than how sold you are on yourself to show up for it. But most of us have not learned how to do this on purpose. We were taught how to question ourselves, how to research and weigh up pros and cons, how to question ourselves into oblivion, how to put trust in other people’s opinions, but not our own, and not how to decide and commit.

So things that you may have been taught explicitly or that were just implied and modeled to you are things like, “Get it right or don’t do it.” Hey, there’s one correct answer, so go find it. And if you get it wrong, you’re going to be in trouble, maybe humiliated or even punished. Or, you know, “If you’re feeling uncertain about this, it’s probably a sign that you shouldn’t do it.” Or “If you’ve got doubts, then stop and wait until you’re sure.”

But waiting to feel certain is often the very thing that is keeping you stuck. Confidence isn’t a prerequisite, it’s a byproduct of doing the thing. And when we finally choose something, when you pick an option and you go for it, how often do you load it up with pressure and demand that it work immediately?

We have this expectation that it’s also going to feel great the whole time. And if it doesn’t, then we make it mean that something is wrong with us or that this goal or plan wasn’t the right one. So you end up abandoning the plan. In doing so, likely you abandon yourself as well. Your self-trust crumbles a bit or a lot, and you reinforce the learning loop that you are a failure in some way, which is very different to failing.

And this can be especially challenging for those of you who have perfectionist tendencies, maybe you’re people pleasers and, you know, high achievers who are used to being good at things, who want the guarantee that it’ll work out before going for it, who are maybe waiting for permission.

So here’s how this usually plays out. You make a plan that you’re not fully sold on, maybe from the beginning. You ghost on it, you beat yourself up. Then you make another plan to try and fix the last one, again, without selling yourself on it. You see how repetitive this is. So selling yourself is the missing piece. It’s what bridges the gap between deciding and doing.

So let’s talk about horses and houses and dates, because I’ve got some more examples for you. When you’re trying to pick something or you’re weighing up your options, you can stand there with the mental equivalent of a clipboard, maybe an actual clipboard. You can stand there with that forever and try to find the perfect option, or you can pick the damn horse and just start riding.

And then you can learn how it moves, what it responds to, where it likes to be scratched, and you build the relationship from there. You don’t waste time wondering if it was the best choice or if that there was a better choice out there for you. You spend your time making it the best choice for you. That’s the difference.

And I appreciate that many of you listening will be like, “Yeah, but Maisie, I’m not shopping for a horse.” Right? Yeah, but how often do you do that in your dating life? Because that comes up a lot when I’m coaching people on their dating lives or in their romantic partnerships. So selling yourself is about building a relationship with your decision. And obviously, you don’t sell yourself on things or people or situations that are dangerous, harmful to you, or not good fits.

Okay? If you’re buying a home or a horse, I don’t recommend that you convince yourself to buy the thing you’re not shopping for. You probably want to stay away from the place that’s riddled with damp or the horse that has an injury that means it can’t be ridden or it’s dangerous, unless of course you’re going out looking for that because it’s part of your plan. And for some people it will be.

But let’s say you’re buying a flat or a house. Of course you’re going to research. You’re going to explore your options, but at some point, you’re going to make a decision and get to work on decorating and making it your home. You sell yourself on your options and then you sell yourself on your decision. Not because it’s perfect and not because you’ll never make any mistakes, but because you’ve decided to make it work.

That’s where your power is, not in choosing some flawless plan. Okay? Because that’s really just you trying to avoid taking some kind of emotional risk. The power is in choosing your relationship with it. Otherwise, you’re just deciding to keep scrolling Rightmove and refreshing Zoopla forever. But being sold on your plan is like showing up on a date already knowing you are good company. You’re not there hoping to be chosen. You’ve already chosen yourself. And when you sell yourself, you can go either way with the options that you have because you trust your ability to make it work.

So the path you pick matters less. Also, this helps when you get comfortable with the emotional risk, and you get better at failing, and you have a better relationship with yourself that you don’t punish and berate yourself when things don’t go according to plan. And you’re able to coach yourself through all these things. This is why we build all these skills in the membership.

So the path that you end up picking matters less, and you’re able to view it more strategically rather than through the lens of your insecurities, your fears, and lack of self-trust. And that shifts everything. Think about how much this one skill will change, how much mental space it will free up, how much self-trust it will create. And you’ll give yourself options, and that is always wonderful.

But not only that, it will change how you relate to yourself because you won’t rely on hyping yourself up or on forcing yourself through with things. You won’t be fighting with yourself through this. And you won’t be looking over your shoulder wondering if you should have chosen something else. You’ll be moving forward with coherence and with a great relationship with yourself.

And those times where you have made a plan, where you have ghosted on it, maybe beaten yourself up for that as well. This is probably what happened. You were never really sold on the plan in the first place. You might have wanted the result, maybe not. You might have told yourself that you wanted the result, but actually you had some hesitations about that whole thing happening, some fears, some fears about being successful.

But ultimately, you weren’t actually behind the process. So instead, your mind made a counter offer. It told you, “Well, just do it later. It probably won’t work anyway. There’s a better option out there.” And you believed it. This is why so many people get stuck in loops of avoidance and guilt. They keep trying to do the thing without ever selling themselves on why it’s worth it or having someone to coach them through their blocks. And then they wonder why it doesn’t stick.

So, I’m sure you’re wondering, “Well, how do you actually start doing this?” So here are some questions for you to use as a regular practice, maybe even a daily practice. These questions will help you to reroute your brain. So here they are. If I were 100% sold on this plan, how would I be thinking about it and what would I be doing today? I think the today part is important. Not sometime, at some point in the future. If I was 100% sold on this plan, what would I be doing today?

And what discomfort am I willing to feel in service of following through? Okay? Because again, it’s not always going to feel fantastic. There’s going to be some moments of that, but also it’s going to feel awkward. You might feel anxious, you might feel uncomfortable. Right? That’s all part and parcel of it. But you can do that. So you can choose in advance what discomfort are you willing to feel in service of following through. And sign up for that with intention.

What would it look like to be on my side and not against myself? This is a really good question. It’s going to help you to look at your relationship with yourself. And finally, what am I waiting for that I could create instead? Right? What are you waiting for from other people or from life that you could actually create for yourself instead of waiting for the cogs to turn around you in some perfect way and deliver a perfect scenario?

But as I said, those things matter less when you trust yourself, when you are willing to back yourself and go all in and sell yourself. And just for fun, a final question. What’s a belief or plan you sold yourself on that didn’t go to plan but was still the right decision because of who you became as a result of making it? Such a good one. Being sold before you create a result is how you create the result.

And if this is resonating, if you’re like listening to this like, “Oh, yeah, this is me, that’s exactly where I get stuck, that’s how I get stuck.” I have to reiterate, you are not alone. Okay? It is not just you going through this. And this is one of the core skills that we teach inside my membership, Powerful.

This is where we help you to stop spinning in indecision. We show you how to build self-trust so that you can actually be following through. And we coach you on all the thoughts and feelings that get in your way so you can stop ghosting your goals and start creating what you came for. And we teach you how to do that, how to coach yourself. These are skills for life.

And you’ll learn how to sell yourself on your decisions, on your vision, on your capacity to handle what’s next. And that’s the real flex. Not waiting for that certainty, but deciding to back yourself again and again. So if that’s what you want, then get ready to join us. We’re up to all sorts behind the scenes in preparation, and we’ll be ready for you soon. Okay, folks, have a fantastic week and I will catch you next time.

Hey, if you love listening to this podcast then come and check out my membership Powerful, where you get my best resources and all the coaching you need to transform your inner and outer life. Sign up to the waitlist at maisiehill.com/powerful, and I’ll see you in the community.