This is episode 235, and today we’re talking about practising wanting. Let’s get into it.

If you want to do things differently but need some help making it happen, then tune in for your weekly dose of coaching from me, Maisie Hill, Master Life Coach and author of Period Power. Welcome to The Maisie Hill Experience.

Now, today I actually want to share something with you that I taught the members in our Summer Loving workshop back in June. So sometimes I teach things in depth, and it’s kind of a longer training. And we really get into the nitty gritty and that’s what I’m going to be doing with decisions with you. And sometimes what I teach is very short and it doesn’t need much explanation because it just lands with you. I’m just shining a light and showing you something and inviting you into it.

And I love seeing everyone’s faces when I teach like this because you can just see the fireworks going off in their minds, either that or I just can’t see your faces because you’re scribbling notes and keeping track of what comes up for you in that moment. And what’s great about these shorter potent teachings is that they instantly make sense. They’re very easy to grasp. They don’t need a lot of explanation. And then we get to take it really deep and explore it through the coaching.

So today’s topic is one of those concepts from our last workshop that did exactly that. And it’s practising wanting because I suspect that many of you aren’t very good at wanting. At being in the desire of wanting. You may not even know what you want because when was the last time that someone genuinely asked you that, “What do you want?” When was the last time you asked yourself that and genuinely answered the question? And there might be places and times where you do let yourself experience wanting, but for the most part, I’m going to describe it as a could do better situation.

And that’s really fun because I love it when we turn up the volume on what you want. And that’s where this concept of practising wanting came from. I could see that a lot of our clients in the membership were experiencing a block that was preventing them from connecting with what they want so they were stuck. So my brain went to work on, how can I help them to get unstuck with this? And I thought, well, what if we could remove the pressure to take action on that desire, what would that do?

Because my suspicion, my working hypothesis is that doing that would free my clients up to want things because typically what happens is we identify something that we want and immediately go to taking action and making it happen or we think that that’s what we should do. And that is important clearly. We’re not just going to lie back and daydream something into being, we need to take action of some kind.

But a lot of my clients and perhaps this is true for you too, get overwhelmed and stressed about the things that need to be done in order to bring that desire, that want into fruition. And that’s because of their mindset and how they’re thinking about doing those things. So you can either think a thought that will lead you to feeling fearful, or overwhelmed, or something of that nature. Or you can think a thought that makes you feel curious, or interested, or determined, or anything like that.

So it’s the difference between thinking, oh my God, there’s so much to do, how am I going to do that? I can’t do that. And I wonder how I could get this done. Maybe there’s a way that I could do this. And the latter is far more likely to lead you to taking action that gets things done, or to come up with a set of actions that leads to the goal being met which often means removing things too and focusing on what will actually generate your desired result. And if you’re like a lot of my clients, you go from wanting something to feeling like you need to take that action now.

And I’d love for you to reflect on if you’re skipping a step in the process. Are you letting that desire build? Can you let the want be there? Can you acknowledge that you do want whatever it is? Because I know that some of you have trouble even acknowledging that you do want things. And all too often we just trample all over our desires and don’t give them a chance to take root. You jump in with the shoulds and the should nots, or you’re quick to criticise and find all the ways that it won’t work, and you just build evidence of that.

Or that you don’t deserve it and then before you know it you’ve slipped into unworthiness which feels like crap. But desire is important, true desire helps to connect with purpose and creation because desire is part of the creation process. It’s the foundation on which we imagine and build and take action. Desire is the fire that will sustain you through the challenges and that will keep you focused on your vision because there’s effort involved in creating anything. That’s not a bad thing. I love that hard work of creating.

But we don’t want to skip this step. I want you to think about something that you want and to consider incubating that desire. Now, what can happen is that instead of incubating that desire you jump straight into pressurising that desire, pressuring that desire to become something. So this is what happens when you jump into I have to take action now, graspy vibes. And it might feel a bit empty for you to do that as well. And if you’re not sure what I mean by that just bear with me, I’m going to describe it for you.

And I have to apologise in advance if you don’t have experience driving or if you only drive automatic and you aren’t familiar with the sensation of shifting through the gears of a car. And if you don’t then just know I’m going to do my best to explain it. As I’ve been driving around this week, I’ve been trying to really pay attention to the sensation of shifting gears. I think it’s going to make sense for you.

So imagine yourself driving. When you set off in the car you’re in first gear. And as the car builds up speed you feel that it’s time to change gear and go into second gear. And you can also hear it. So there’s this point where a threshold has been reached and the car is asking you to take it into the next gear. The next gear is where it’s going to do best at that speed. And the same goes then for each subsequent gear that comes after that. And if you don’t go up a gear then it feels and sounds like the car is straining somehow.

But also if you go up a gear too soon that also doesn’t feel or sound right. And that’s what I mean by it feels like there’s not enough there. I don’t even know what it is. Maybe it’s momentum, who knows, speed, whatever it is but there’s just not enough to be in that gear. And that’s what I mean by it can feel a bit empty to jump into that gear too soon. And this is what it’s like with wanting something, with desiring something. You realise that you want something and that’s like being in first gear.

But what happens next is that you either skip second gear entirely and try to jump up into third gear prematurely and then you’re unable to remain in that gear. So this is what it’s like when you jump into action too soon. And there are times when you can shift through the gears very quickly. This isn’t about a certain passage of time going by. So you either move through the gears too quickly and then it doesn’t feel right, and it isn’t sustainable and perhaps the car stalls.

And by the way, this can also happen if you’re in a rush and coming from a scarcity mindset. So just notice if that resonates for you. But the other thing that can happen is that if you’re in first gear and simply noticing that there’s something that you want, your brain starts to go to what will it be like in third gear. So you’re not even in third gear which is all about you taking action and making things happen. But you’re just worried about what it’s going to be like to be there.

So in this case the car could be groaning and wanting to go into second gear. But you’re too busy thinking about what third gear will be like. So in doing so what you do is you put your foot on the brake and just turn off the engine. And you just stop moving towards your desired result altogether.

And if the driving analogy doesn’t work for you then consider a seed in the soil. It being planted in the earth is the first phase, it starts to take root. And this is when you notice a desire, or you set an intention, or a goal comes into being in your mind and it starts to take root within you. And then in the second phase a shoot starts to emerge from that seed but it’s still underground. And then it eventually has enough nutrients that it can shoot out of the soil, well, usually emerges first and then it shoots up, and we really start to see it.

So this is when from the outside, when it’s in the soil it looks like nothing’s happening. It’s underground, it’s not visible yet which is when that desire is there and we’re letting ourselves be in the wanting. And then a threshold is reached, and the shoot goes from just peeking out a bit to shooting right up, I mean really rapid growth can happen here. And maybe it’s a plant that flowers so this is where we’re taking action, it’s more visible, that’s not the end of the process of course but these are the phases that we’re talking about today.

So when it comes to desiring something, you could be expecting yourself to go straight from being a seed in the soil to flowering. Or you could be fretting about what it’ll be like to be flowering to the point that you just decide to stick with being a seed. So the idea of you taking action on something that you want, something that you desire could be so wild and uncomfortable to you that your mind and your nervous system just freak the hell out and go, no, we’re good in the soil.

We know what the soil is like, we’re safe here even though it’s dark and yes there’s some nutrients available to us, but deep within me I know that there’s going to be all this glorious sunlight that I’m missing out on if I stay in this place. And that sunlight is actually essential to my growth and well-being, but I’m so used to not considering what I want that I’ll just tuck that desire away in me and hope I don’t keep thinking about it, which of course you will and that sucks too.

So if it’s going to feel uncomfortable either way, do you want to go after what you want or do you want to stick with what you have? And this is what I noticed a lot of my clients were doing. They either didn’t know what they want, which I never really actually believe. I think it’s really that you do know what you want but you’re scared to acknowledge it for yourself, let alone declare it to anyone else. So what if you just whisper it? You can whisper it just to yourself if you want to.

And then be in the wanting, practise wanting, practise being in that wanting, being in the desire, don’t even think about the next phase of doing. We’re not going there yet. I want you to fully embody wanting something for yourself, no justifying, explaining, or apologising for it, just want it. Because eventually just like driving a car you will feel when it’s time to switch gears. You will know that you have reached an internal threshold where you switch gears and start doing, just like a plant knows when it’s time to grow and when it’s ready to flower.

But first I want you to acclimatise to being in the wanting, practise the wanting, knowing that you don’t have to do anything more than that ever. And what we’re doing here is reducing that internal pressure that’s created through your thoughts by increasing your capacity for desire, because when that tank gets filled up there’s a point where it’s inevitable that you’ll start doing. And the doing will be much more doable because the desire is there to figure it out and see it through.

And then we can move into making decisions, and editing, and refining. And if you’re feeling like you could do with editing your life and creating space for what you want either in a specific area of your life or all of your life and getting clarity on what’s working and what isn’t then make sure you sign up because that’s what we’re going to be getting into because this is the time of year to do all of that.

Okay my lovelies, enjoy practising wanting, and I’ll catch you next week

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