This is episode 218 of The Maisie Hill Experience. 

If you want to do things differently but need some help making it happen then tune in for your weekly dose of coaching from me, Maisie Hill, Master Life Coach and author of Period Power. Welcome to The Maisie Hill Experience.

Maisie Hill: Okay, welcome to the podcast, folks. I am really excited because I’ve got a guest here with me today. I have got Lucy here and I am going to be honest with you, I’ve got no idea where our conversation is going to go. I know there’s all sorts of journeys that we could take here because you yourself have been on such a journey in the time that I have known you. And I know there’s all sorts of things that potentially we can explore, but why don’t we just start off with you introducing yourself to everyone. So just share your name, where you are, your pronouns, whatever you fancy. 

Lucy Yarnold: Great, well thank you so much Maisie. I have to say, I’ve got a little secret because I was listening to one of your podcasts and it was the first one that it had a guest on it. it. And I was like, oh my God, this is an option. And I was like, this has to be me. And I just said right then I was like, this is going to be me.

Maisie: And you’re here. I love that.

Lucy: And here I am.

Maisie: I love it. I absolutely love it.

Lucy: So yeah, that tells you probably a little bit about me. But yeah, I’m Lucy. I go by she, her. I have been through quite a transition in the last couple of years so I’ve been so used to describing myself just as one thing and yeah, just exploring more and yeah, I’ve realised I’m a pretty ambitious, determined person and I am led by like my guiding stars of love, community, nature and play.

Maisie: Oh my goodness. I love that. And just the way you’ve been like, this is who I am. And just declaring that is so powerful. I’m totally challenging everyone to listen to this to do the same today. Like the day that you’re listening to this, think about your version of what Lucy has just said, because that is so powerful. I’m like, like, all fired up listening to you. I’m like, tell me more.

Lucy: Oh, I’m fired up. I feel like I’m just feeling like more myself than I ever have. And I just, I’m so excited. I know that I’m just at the start of this, like, really playful, experimental era, and I’m just gonna enjoy it.

Maisie: That’s so interesting, because for sure, my memories of coaching you and how you’ve shown up, you know, in the membership and in the community there has just been like this, I guess like a journey of uncovering you and letting you really come through.

Lucy: Yeah, and this has been the thing that I have been most uncomfortable with doing and it’s taking up space. I had so many blocks and I just had so many beliefs that I should keep myself small and not be too much and not be too sensitive. I just wanted to get rid of them all and I feel like I’m slowly but surely doing that and it just feels so light.

Maisie: Oh, that is a thing of beauty. Amazing. Okay, let’s rewind for a moment because I’m curious. Because the thing is, when people come on the podcast, I’m often asking things that I’ve never had the opportunity to really get to know and I might have like indications of certain parts of your journey that I’ve been a part of but there’s also so much that I don’t know which is why it’s so fun for me to have these conversations. 

So, let’s go back to when you decided to join the membership. So when was that? Why did you sign up and like were there any hesitations or things that you needed to kind of figure out in order to jump in.

Lucy: Yeah great question. So I think it was around March 23 I had I think I was just leaving my second veterinary job just on my way to starting a new one. I had already started for a few months and I had started listening to your podcast and it was always like my drive to work and it just changed so much like how I showed up at work that day that I was like this is really powerful like I have to follow this and then the doors opened once and I was like I’m gonna do it but I didn’t do it and like the second they closed I was like damn I knew I wanted that and I didn’t do it and this is a lesson like go for the things that you want like just do it.

Maisie: I love that is really powerful and I love that you took that from it like to actually kind of coach yourself through that experience and to learn from it and to gain from it.

Lucy: Yeah and do you know what that did like the second I was in the doors I was like I’m in it like I am showing up and I think that like that weight and me like anticipating it and like building that excitement of like, I’m going to do it next time and then yeah, just like jumping in and getting involved.

Maisie: Yeah. Well, I always say to people when like we have a new cohort joining, I’m always like you’ve decided to sign up, but have you decided to be here because they are two separate things? What was your experience of that?

Lucy: Yeah. And again, this is one of the really simple things that I have taken from you and it’s become a skill of mine, that you just decide. Like, I just decided I was in. It was like, I’m just showing up, this is what we’re doing now, and I just decided.

Maisie: I talk about this all the time, and I think, like, I think my perception of it is that people have a tendency to overcomplicate it, or kind of spend time arguing with me about how you can’t just decide. So I would love it if you could just share a little bit more about you doing that because I think it’s gonna really help people listening who are like I want that tell me how to do it.

Lucy: Yeah so I think there’s a journey with this right I think you’re like oh just decide really because you’re so used to going to other people and asking them their opinion then mulling it over your in your head then deciding and then undeciding and it just is such an energy waste and then when you kind of start to break up with perfectionism you realise that you can just gather information. 

This is just a decision you’ve made, and you’ll see how it plays out. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but we can just, by trying things, we are able to meander our way through of what is working, what isn’t, and it will change and evolve over time. It just keeps you on that pattern with it, really. Yeah.

Maisie: Thank you for taking the time to explain that. It’s definitely, I just love decisions. I just think it’s like, if I was just going to force myself to coach on one thing and one thing only, I think it would be decisions. Because the power of deciding and learning to do that and overcome all the things that you’ve spoken about and all of the other things we haven’t even touched on, it sets you up for your own life.

Lucy: Yeah, it just frees up so much energy and so much like mental load because you’re like, it’s just happening. Let’s just go with it.

Maisie: Yeah, exactly. Okay, so when you think about your time in the membership, can you give me like a sample of things that have been impactful for you, whether they were like webinars, coaching that you’ve received on course, stuff you’ve witnessed at others, concepts like whatever it is, just things that have helped you to move forward that you would like to share here.

Lucy: Yeah, so I’ve really taken the time to think about this. So I think I’ve got four key skills. I have made habits, and that is what is helping me get through my own rollercoaster at the minute.

Maisie: I’m dying to hear what these are. Dying, tell me.

Lucy: So number one, self love. Like you make it clear, we come into membership, if you can’t decide what to pick as your first goal or thing to work on, pick self love. Because it truly is the result, like the root of everything else. Like I cannot understate this enough. Like I have in the back of my head, what would the most loving thing that I can do for myself right now be? Because if I’m stuck, I can just start with that and then move forward. just taking the first step and that might as well be it. It ripples into everything else.

Maisie: It does. Oh my god, I get emotional and excited about this because it really is. That was just such a beautiful question to offer to everyone listening to use that. What’s the most loving thing I could do right now? How could I approach this? Because it does provide that route into things, and if that foundation of self-love isn’t there, then we’re in trouble, right?

Lucy: Yeah. So that’s one, and I’ve been raising my standard of self-love as well. So that’s the first one. The second one is working with your cycle. I’m going to broaden this out to working with nature because I have, I’ve like incorporated, incorporated working with my cycle and I just find it so, it’s like rewarding. 

You know you’ve got like all these different like kind of a mingling of like emotions and different ways you want to show up and it kind of what you feel comfortable with changes throughout the month and it’s just really nice to lean into that. it feels so like at home and it’s just like not how I would ever have imagined thinking about my monthly cycle. I just when we were younger it was all about oh god like oh we have to go through this oh isn’t it awful like, and I didn’t think that I could love it so much, especially having PMDD.

Maisie: Yeah, I was gonna say, it’s like a crucial detail. I was, I didn’t want to mention it, but I’m glad that you have. Yeah.

Lucy: Yeah. And this is where like, for two weeks, I’m feeling like on fire, like everything, I am outgoing, I’m, you know, like, quick paced. And then like the second-half of my cycle, like I really feel that sudden change and it’s almost like flipping a switch and I just want to be like slow and calm and gentle and deep and thoughtful and maybe a little bit moody you know like just lean into it.

Maisie: I love it how you’re just like sprinkling on the mood like it’s kind of seasoning like yeah maybe a bit of it but it’s different right because that’s I think that’s the difference that self-love makes when you’re like well this is my experience of this part of my cycle. I’m sometimes in a mood, you know. Sometimes I feel this way. And the plan being that is going to be there. Not that it has to always be that way, but just that level of acceptance and self-love is this is my experience of the cycle. I’m leading with that.

Lucy: Yes. Like, how can I accommodate this? How can I work around this? My nan actually really inspires me to do this as well. She will always come up with a solution around something. She’s really creative in that way.

Maisie: Oh, shout out to your nan and I hope she’s going to listen to this. Okay, so what’s the third one then?

Lucy: The third one is the self-coaching model. Yeah, like this is something I have used pretty much every day in some way, shape or form. And it’s like this idea that, you know, like thoughts create our feelings and then our feelings create our actions and our actions create our results. 

I resonate with it so much because now that I’m slowing down and listening to my body and leaning into my own nature and hearing it and adapting to it, I’m like, okay, so what is a thought that I want to have right now? How would I like to feel right now? Through that, you can work up or down on the model and create your result. It just feels so empowering to be able to bounce back from some shitty self-talk or just one thing over the edge. It feels like it’s helping me untangle what is in my brain.

Maisie: Yeah, that’s such a great description of it because it does. It helps you just to untangle things and to actually notice what’s going on there and to, yeah, to bring in that self-love, that thinking, oh, that is just a thought, well, how would I like to feel instead, like to just have that awareness and influence as well.

Lucy: Yes, and having just like having that as something to like pause and take a break with, you know, just stop for a second, you don’t need to do this right now, like, let’s think about what we’re doing. Let’s be intentional here.

Maisie: Beautiful. I love it too. I’m a fan. That’s why I’m always banging on about it. Okay. And then last but not least, what’s number four?

Lucy: The hard day protocol. Oh my God. If anyone is listening to this and they do not have a hard day protocol, go, go and get yourself one. Just do it. The amount of times, you know, I have chronic pain and I’m like learning to live with it. And for, it’s part of the reason why I quit my job. But yeah, the amount of times I’ve had to pull out the hard day protocol and just not feel the guilt of it because you’re like, this is a hard day. This is what I do on a hard day protocol. And therefore it just is. So we’re just going to roll with it. And tomorrow is a new day.

Maisie: Yeah. Could you share maybe a few of the things that are on your hard day protocol? There is a whole separate episode that I did about this. I can’t remember what one it was, but for those of you listening, you can always go and check that out. But I love hearing what are on people’s hard day protocols.

Lucy: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So it’s things like, you know, like I wouldn’t get dressed, just stay in PJs, wrap a big fluffy quilt around you. I’m such a quilt queen. I have quilts all around the house, not blankets, they have to be quilts. And I just wrap myself in them like where there’s like one in every corner and wherever I am, I can just wrap myself in a quilt and be like it’s all okay.

Maisie: Yes, I love that. That’s amazing. Yeah.

Lucy: It’ll be like, don’t care about what you eat today. Just eat whatever you feel like you need to. Whatever you need.

Maisie: I think one of the ones that’s made me laugh the most was when someone said, say hello to no people when I’m walking the dog. And I was like, yes, it’s amazing.

Lucy: Yeah, literally. Yeah, mine’s just usually like, don’t take anything in. Just be in your own world.

Maisie: Yeah oh my god I’m adding that one to mine that’s a good one oh They are really good. I love those four things.

Lucy: Yeah, and I do. So thank you so much for helping me be here with it.

Maisie: Yeah, it’s so cool to hear how people have used these tools and the results that you’ve created with them. So how about we talk about that next?

Lucy: Okay.

Maisie: So what kind of things can we celebrate with you? Because I think you have quite a variety. Share what you fancy.

Lucy: So I think one of like my turning points was doing my powerlifting competition.

Maisie: Yes.

Lucy: It felt so big, it felt like coming out to the world that I was a powerlifter, it felt like I was actually challenging myself, it felt like you know like I was like stepping into the spotlight like you can do this and I just absolutely love feeling strong. It just does something for me in just like this is my power, you know. And like I look back at my lifts and they were smooth as butter and I like actually celebrated out loud when like I stepped off the platform and like didn’t care. I just like kind of whooped and jumped and it just felt like yeah, I’m happy for me. And like I’m not afraid to show that to other people. 

And like the ease in which I got through that day, like I had you know like I had thought about everything and I was prepared and to the point where like I got my yoga mat out in the car park away from everyone else just to have a minute and like do a bit of meditation and like like be centred to go in there you know like I didn’t worry about staying around to watch my partner was lifting and I said like you know like are you okay if I just handle myself today? And like, sorry, if that means that I miss what you do. And he was like, that’s fine. So I had thought about what I needed and then I was just really able to have fun and just be like, yeah, like, let’s just go for it.

Maisie: That’s so cool. Like you honored yourself. You knew what was gonna support you and what you needed and you were able to communicate that, and just like the level of self-respect and self-love in that, because how often do we tend to be like, know what we want, know the thing that’s going to set us up for success, but think, oh no, I shouldn’t do that, or, but if I do that, then it’s going to mean this about me, or this person is going to think this, or respond this way and, you know, I think in that way it’s exhausting, like that takes up a lot of mental bandwidth and when you’re, it’s a big day like that, you want to be free to have that day.

Lucy: Yeah, and, you know, like at one point in the day, like I was like jumping around the gym like just really happy, like heading to my next workout and like some guy looked at me a bit funny and I was like, I don’t care, I just don’t care, like.

Maisie: Such a great place to be. What was your experience of kind of realising that’s where you were with things, that level of not caring.

Lucy: You know what? I actually, that’s a revelation for me that like, I started not caring that long ago. Like, now that you’ve said it, I’m like, oh yeah. But I hadn’t even thought about it like that. Yeah, I mean, realising that now, I’m like, oh, this has been such a, you know, I can see all of my progress now. Because like, now I’ve turned up, I have done my hair and makeup. I have decided to wear bright colours and this is the first time in forever really. I’ve kind of been through a phase of rejecting anything feminine and out there and I think me doing my powerlifting as masculine as it was the thing that helped me step out to shake things off.

Maisie: I was going to ask you about the impact of the powerlifting and of that day as well. Often when we focus on one thing, it has a ripple effect in ways perhaps we don’t realise is going to happen. I don’t know if that’s something you’ve thought about or have awareness of, but I’m curious to know your thoughts about that.

Lucy: Yeah. I think in terms of powerlifting, one of the things that has really helped me move in other areas of my life, it’s just like this idea that you have to put in the reps. Like you have to get under the bar, you have to put yourself out there, you have to like keep going, you know, like you will only get there by putting in the reps. 

I think it was a very good exercise in, so I’m autistic and I was only diagnosed. like not that long ago but I didn’t realize how disconnected from my body I was. So like having to think about where I put my hands like where and how my body is moving through space and to like connect to different muscle groups like I think that has really helped me in like stabilizing my joints and feeling strong and like knowing how I can move my body and like being yeah just feeling a bit more solid in it and just reconnecting. 

It was not long ago where I really struggled to understand when I was hungry. My partner would have a better idea of when I needed a snack and my next meal than I did. I only used to recognise really extreme hunger and that would come out as hangover and a meltdown.

Maisie: Yeah, well when you don’t have those internal cues, you kind of rely on your behaviour as, or other people can notice your behaviour and offer that as feedback to try and understand what’s happening internally.

Lucy: Yeah. And so to have something that actively makes me think through my body, around myself, feel how it is. And I used to really love doing slow reps. They are grindy, but there’s a level of satisfaction in doing a slow rep.

Maisie: Yeah. It came up on a coaching call recently, actually. We were just talking about weights and weighted things like weighted blankets or lifting weights or just like carrying heavy shopping and just how regulating that is for anyone, but particularly if you’re someone who’s autistic, because it’s giving you that proprioceptive input. There’s like just that heaviness can be really regulating and really supportive.

Lucy: Yeah, another thing that I do is sometimes, the weighted blanket, I can’t really quite get on board with it. Maybe I need to try a different one, but sometimes I just ask my partner to give me a real big whole body squeeze or just completely lie on me and it feels like it’s almost a bit of a reset to my system.

Maisie: Yeah, that’s what I do with Nelson. He loves it and we call it a squash and a squeeze, where I lie on him like squash and squeeze at the same time. He’s always telling me I’m not doing it hard enough. 

But it’s also, so I think there’s the impact of something like that, like the direct impact of it for your health and your sensory profile and all of those things, like autistic care. I always find, I was talking about this with someone recently where we were talking about what we do when we’re working on a significant goal of some kind. And she had pointed out to me that she just kind of suddenly realised that often when I’m working on something big, I will add in something physical. 

So whether it’s something in my business or something going on at home, if it’s something significant, I will have something physical on my list of essential things that’s going to support that goal. I think often when someone’s figuring out a goal, they’re already thinking that they won’t have time to exercise in some way, for example. 

Whereas I’m like no this is like a core component because I know if for example I’m using some kettlebells or something or I’m out walking or there’s a physical challenge like you said that is going to help me to feel stronger and there’s just I think maybe a bit similar to you it kind of really connects me to my body and anchors me and gives me an outlet that I might need as I’m progressing that goal. And it just, yeah, I really love bringing in a physical component to working on a goal, especially when it has nothing to do with the goal.

Lucy: Yeah, I’m so interested that you said that, because as you were saying that, I could recognise the pattern, but I hadn’t connected the dots yet. Yeah. And so, I’m starting to realise just how important that physical, active, being active and moving my body is because it just helps me really check in all the time and kind of just like just check in and how are we doing because you’ve got more opportunities to then like course correct on how you’re feeling and I just think like that having that movement. I’ve recently started becoming a dance queen Maisie, so.

Maisie: I love it you’re the queen of everything.

Lucy: So I’ve literally gone from this really rigid, heavy powerlifting to flinging my body around and just losing control and it feels so good.

Maisie: I’m so impressed, I’m so impressed.

Lucy: And I can feel it, this transformation feels really physical. As much as I loved powerlifting, I think it was quite heavy for my body and I think it was after the competition. I kind of just went ah and then I realised like how tired I was and how like I wanted to keep going but like it just wasn’t really feasible and it’s taken me a bit of time to like transition into like dancing but I can really feel the difference in my body like it feels kind of like looser and lighter and freer and it’s been really interesting to go through that.

Maisie: Yeah it sounds it’s amazing. Okay, so results. So we’ve got the powerlifting. Anything else you want to celebrate?

Lucy: Yeah, for my 29th birthday, I had some time to myself and I just said, I’m going to hand in my notice at work for me for my birthday.

Maisie: Yeah, yeah. And how was that?

Lucy: Yeah, it was just like betting on myself. It was like the biggest act of self-love that I could have done and it was like kicking down a door to like open up a new level of self-love and like trusting in myself.

Maisie: And what have you found on the other side of that door?

Lucy: It’s pretty wild this side you know it comes and goes but like mostly I can like catch those thoughts now and be like no you are backing yourself like you are listening to your body you know yourself better than you ever have, like you are just experimenting and exploring, like just be patient with yourself.

Maisie: That’s a beautiful reminder for everyone. Yeah, amazing. I remember coaching you, I think around this time, maybe in the run-up to this and kind of when you were, I guess, contemplating.

Lucy: Yeah, that was like the undercurrent.

Maisie: Yeah, and it was a big deal.

Lucy: It was.

Maisie: A really big deal for you. So I just want to give props to you and make it clear to everyone listening that this wasn’t an instant, easy, enjoyable process. There was a lot involved. And I don’t know if you want to share any of that for anyone, but I just want to really acknowledge the work that you did in order to knock down that door.

Lucy: Thank you, like honestly like a massive vote of confidence because yeah when you’ve done these things you’re like yeah I’ve done it I’m moving on but yeah just to kind of really celebrate that because I spent so much of my life defining myself by vet and just like letting other people have their own opinions about what a vet was to them even if it didn’t match me and but defining myself by that word. And yeah, like, untangling that and finding what’s beneath it, you know, there was so much grief in thinking, like, I’m not surviving very well in the profession.

Maisie: Even that level of question, I’m not surviving, you know, let alone, am I getting to be myself? Am I enjoying my job? Am I thriving? Just, I’m not even surviving.

Lucy: No. I was drowning. Like, it was… I don’t know what combination of things it was, but what I can say is, like, it is one of the hardest things I’ve had to do, because I wanted to be, like, this best version of myself all the time. 

And I was, like, you know, I just wanted to, like, create a safe space for people, for their pets, for them to, like, tell me be honest with me and tell me what they wanted and needed and I just tried so hard to give that without judgment and it was just giving out so much love it was like the constant responsibility of being the most responsible person in the room and I don’t know if it’s because I’m taking like longer I feel like I’ve taken a little bit longer to come into adulthood but I just totally was not prepared for what being a vet was actually like.

Maisie: Yeah, and I think I know a few vets and I know about the severe issues in the veterinary industry, not just in the UK but in other countries as well. The mental health impact and suicide rates amongst vets and things, it is a real issue.

Lucy: Yeah, and I just knew that I could not keep doing that as it was, but in deciding that, I was walking away from something that I have spent years dreaming about, thinking about, working towards, trying to be the best version of myself in order for me to show up as the best fair and it just was killing me.

Maisie: Yeah, you know it’s a big deal to go from that identity, all that training, all that education and work and everything that you’ve put in and, as you said, to move through that door and to leave that behind. Is there anything that you found particularly supportive or helpful as you have done that? And maybe, you know, maybe you continue to do that now.

Lucy: Yeah, so I think it’s just, like, wanting, I think, like, allowing myself to want a different life and allowing myself to want for it to be better, allowing myself to want to have a job that I enjoy and that I thought I was signing up to, you know, for thinking, for like backing myself in thinking that I could possibly be a part of like how this changes and move forward. 

Like the industry is not sustainable as it is. It has, I give it as due, like it has changed over the last 10 years quite rapidly, but it is not far enough. We don’t talk enough about the kind of level of PTSD that we see in the job, but I think just having that spark of hope in me and thinking even if I’m not in it, I can try and do it my own way.

Maisie: Yeah. So on that note, you haven’t mentioned this, but I’m going to bring up a major win. Your podcast.

Lucy: Yeah. It’s so funny because I, again, I feel like I’ve just taken it for granted that this has actually happened.

Maisie: We’re going to come back to this because you’ve mentioned this a couple of times and it’s really important because, as you say, when you first start allowing yourself to consider other possibilities and to want something more and to want something better for yourself. Initially, those ideas might seem ludicrous and really far out there and totally not possible. But somewhere along the way, they become so normal that by the time it’s happening, you kind of don’t notice. 

Which is really fun for me because it’s my job as a coach to point these things out. I’d say to someone, do you remember when we coached on this two years ago, and you were like, I think this is a totally unrealistic goal. Of course, I’m like, yes, let’s have the unrealistic goals. Tell me what they are. I’m glad that you’ve mentioned this because I think it’s really important for people listening who are like, I’ve got this goal. I don’t know how it’s going to happen at all. At some point, the goal happens. What are your thoughts about that?

Lucy: Yeah, it just seems to knit together, doesn’t it?

Maisie: Yeah.

Lucy: It just like one, I don’t know what the knitting terms are, but it is one step at a time and like you look back and you’re like, oh, oh, hi.

Maisie: That’s exactly it. That’s exactly it. Okay. So yes. So your podcast?

Lucy: Yes. Yeah.

Maisie: So, Pet Guardians.

Lucy: Yes. This is born out of me. This is born out of me being, like, just wanting to share my knowledge and experience, to offer people the opportunity to listen to someone who, like, is gonna treat them with, like, the least judgment. Like, I just want to create a loving, safe space to have the hard conversations, because these conversations are hard. Like, you know, this is part of why the job is difficult. Like, every 20 minutes, there’s a new conversation, there’s a new pet, there’s a new owner, and, you know, trying to figure out all the stuff in that time is hard. 

And I often feel like people need to make a decision right there. And often, I don’t like putting pressure on people make decisions, but I equally know that if we sometimes don’t make it in the room, I’m not sure what’s going to happen outside of the room. This is where my control ends, right? It’s finding that balance of having the discussion and trying to make a decision, but I really want people to be well-prepared. I want them to approach coming to the vets in a different way, and come knowing what they want and being okay with, like, asking for it.

Maisie: Yes. I love that you’ve taken what was a big issue for you working in practice, you know, and being a vet, and then created something that allows you to use your skills of creating a safe place to have conversations that are, you know, often challenging ones, and just to highlight things so that people are more set up for success. when they are in these environments. I just think that’s such a beautiful use of both your skills and also your frustrations with the industry.

Lucy: Yeah, thank you because I’ve been really trying to think about what it is I want to do and I’m still that five-year-old girl that just really wanted to like help animals like deep down you know and along the way I’ve decided that like yeah I like helping people with their animals and I think like a big part of what I’m doing is trying to live my most authentic life and I want you know so that I can be excited about my day and really enjoy it and I want that for other people you know and what I was often seeing as a vet was like people were coming in and they were quite stressed out about their pets and I’m and this isn’t the reason why people get pets, we want fun and companionship and I think we forget that they come with all of their own personalities and behaviours and quirks and they go through health problems as well. 

I think we forget all of these things and so when they crop up, it’s shocking and it’s like stressful. So I really want to help empower people of making a decision of what needs to go to the vets, like, you know, do we need to take action here? Like, how long can we leave this? And I really just want to, like, help. I want to help people, like, make those decisions and get used to kind of making their decisions, not in that stressful little environment, because most people and most pets, when they come to the vets, are quite highly stressed or and or aroused when it it comes to the patient. So, it’s not conducive to smooth communication and it’s not really conducive to logical decision making. I just want people to be aware of that.

Maisie: Yeah, amazing. I need you on speed dial for the hens and the horse and whatever else that we end up with. Okay, amazing. I think we’ve kind of explored this a little bit already but was there anything else that you have found like on your journey to do all this amazing stuff that like has either surprised you or maybe been a bit uncomfortable for you?

Lucy: Yeah so I think coming into the membership and being on the Facebook group I was really surprised like happily overly joyed to kind of see just how quickly I could celebrate other women. Growing up, the media that we consumed, it was so focused on picking women apart and tearing them down. Along the way, we just learned that it’s a competition and not to love each other and be a team together. Coming into the membership, I thought that would be something hard to let go, but it wasn’t. Once I started loving myself, it was so easy to love other people and to love that, you know, they were celebrating and I could be there and celebrate with them wholeheartedly and just really have it lift me up as well.

Maisie: Yeah, it’s very cool, isn’t it? And you know, I just like to bang on about the importance of celebration all the time. And there are many reasons for that, right, in terms of rewiring, you know, our ability to celebrate ourselves and for success to be a safe thing. But like you said, it’s also unwinding any unhelpful socialisation that we’ve received in terms of, you know, could be about, well, you’re just being arrogant and, you know, bigging yourself up. And it’s like, okay, what’s the problem with that? What issues does that cause in the world? Is it causing anyone any harm. No. 

But also, you know, that idea that so many of us have received explicitly or implicitly that women are their own worst enemy. Like, I remember at one point even thinking, you know, I’m just friends with guys because being women is so much harder to be friends with women. And it wasn’t even my thoughts or experience. It was just the thought that I had absorbed from women being spoken about in such a negative way and a group of women, you know, which is really just like, well, we don’t want you all getting together because then you’ll be even more powerful. So let’s just do what we can to keep you all separate.

Lucy: Yeah. And you know, like community, like being one of my kind of like guiding stars, like I just feel like this, that sprung from me being in the membership and experiencing that community and I was just like, this is really powerful. Like, no wonder they don’t want us to do this. 

Maisie: Exactly. I’ve been in memberships, you know, that don’t have a community aspect. And, but I think, you know, when I really thought about this membership and the purpose of it and the things that I wanted to help people overcome and what skills I wanted them to build, it was like, oh no, we need a membership because there’s so many things that that community aspect is going to support.

Lucy: Yes, absolutely. It was a game changer, for sure.

Maisie: That is very cool to hear. I love that. Okay, is there anything that is simple and might even now at this point in your journey feel kind of basic to you, but that it really shifted things for you and that you would just love everyone listening to hear about.

Lucy: Yeah, that’s a really great question. Having margins rather than a point.

Maisie: Oh, say more.

Lucy: So I’m really working on flexibility with myself. So like that, like I’m strong, I’m tree-like, my roots are down, I know who I am, but my willow leaves can flex and sway in the wind.

Maisie: That is such a beautiful image.

Lucy: Yes and it was really simple because I was setting a bar and like trying to reach that bar. Well firstly through the membership I realised I set my bar pretty high so we could lower that a little bit.

Maisie: I often feel like people need to like lower the bar for themselves but raise their standards for what they’re accepting from what’s out in the world and from how they’re being treated.

Lucy: That is exactly it, you have to balance those out, you have to kind of redraw those lines yeah. So anyway instead of setting just like one single bar like one point to reach like setting margins like that is so simple yeah like if I go to the gym two to five times a week that’s great but if I’m trying to do three times every week well firstly that doesn’t really flow with my cycle because I now I try and do more gentle things the week before my period and more like out there energetic workout for when I’m highly stressed. 

That doesn’t really work, but then if I try and set rules around that of having like, okay, I’ll go to the gym three times every week apart from that week, that just really complicates things. Whereas if you can just set a margin of like, this is my lower level, that’s my upper level, anything in between that is gold. 

Maisie: I completely agree. Often when there’s something I’m working on, but you know, like you, I’m autistic, and you know, life also happens. Autistic or not, life happens. So sometimes I, like, it depends what the goal is. But if it’s particularly an external goal, like not one that I’m working on within myself, something that I’m trying to achieve or a project of some kind, I’ll come up with what my good, better and best versions of that goal are. 

At the moment, I’m working on a massive project that has all sorts of aspects to it and really is stretching my brain in the most fabulous ways, and it’s all going to be totally worth it. I’m very excited about it. But within that, and there’s a timeline to it. But within that, I’m thinking, okay, last week was half term, so school holidays here in the UK, so Nelson was off. So I was already like, well I’m going to reduce my expectation that week because I am going to have less time. But if I can get these things done, fabulous. Of those things, this is the most important thing. 

It ended up not just being half term, he was also really ill for that week. I was just thinking, and I remember celebrating with my peers on one of our coaching calls that I go to as a client, being like, I am so stinking proud of myself for in this project timeline, one, giving myself the space in advance for life to happen and accounting for there’s just going to be a week for some reason where I can’t do anything, right? That’s on top of my cycle and anything else, just a week. And I was just like, you know what? This is amazing. I’m just like, that I have that flexibility, like you said, of, okay, if I can do this, great. If I can do more than that, amazing. But I’m not going to make it mean things about myself if I can’t.

Lucy: Yeah, that’s, I absolutely love that and I am putting that into my protocol because I’ve been thinking about like how I can get back into work and how I can show up and do my thing. I think like honestly like the best path for me right now is to be my own boss because only I can be as flexible as that with myself like there’s not gonna be a job where I can just flip and change like as I see fit as I go through it and I just think like that now that I’m not working for someone else. 

Like I cannot think about going back to work for someone else like it’s non-negotiable with me that I can be flexible with myself and I can adapt to my needs as and when I need to and you know what like being my own boss like like it’s backing myself. It is, it feels so empowering. It’s literally saying like, I can see my own potential. Like even when the profession didn’t work out for me, I know I have my like potential and I know how I want to show up and it’s just like I’m gonna give myself flexibility in that because I have no idea where this is going and what, you know, like where this is gonna end up and that’s really exciting but I want to hold space and time for me to like grow with it and kind of understand my autism and understand what my needs are and be able to advocate for them. I think that’s just like so important for me to do in the next few years.

Maisie: Yeah, and I think that’s such a great example of kind of both lowering your expectation, but also increasing your standard of like how you treat yourself and what you’re putting out there to everyone else in the world in terms of what you will accept as like the baseline.

Lucy: Yeah, and I’m just like, I’m at the stage where I really need to keep filling up my cup. Like, I can’t stop filling it up now. Like, you know, I thought I would be in a better place with my chronic illness at this point, and I’m kind of dealing with all the resistance of that. And then it’s like, well, actually, hang on a second. I’m my own boss. I can have flexibility here. And if this is how you’re feeling, you need to honour it.

Maisie: Yeah, hard agree, hard agree.

Lucy: Even though it’s so hard because I’m so excited and I just want to Trojan horse it, but I just know I just slow it down, build the energy, build the excitement. That’s kind of where I’m at right now.

Maisie: Yeah, and that is challenging. I was going over this on a coaching call with someone recently because it came up and I was like, internally I was like, oh my god, I know exactly what you’re talking about. I have been there because I’ve spoken about this a little bit on the podcast, but last year was really challenging for me. 

I was describing it recently as being used to being Superman, but then suddenly going around with kryptonite in your backpack and all your powers gone for the year. So the coaching I was offering this person was just like, you can love yourself through this and love yourself without all of the usual things that you usually appreciate about yourself when you’re feeling great. 

For me, it was my ability to hyper-focus, to really go in and get work done, to all the things that you don’t necessarily realise your identity and love for yourself is built around or propped up by. Then when you lose those things, you’re like, oh, this is what learning to love myself is. But I would say, you know, if you can do that, then it is going to totally shift your relationship with yourself and everything else that happens moving forwards.

Lucy: Yeah, I have like a mantra of like, now is not the time to stop. Now is the time to keep loving yourself.

Maisie: Oh, yes. Everyone write that down. Stick it somewhere. You can see it.

Lucy: Talking about seeing it, vision boards, oh my god, I am loving them and I only did one as part of the membership last year.

Maisie: I remember it, I remember it, yeah.

Lucy: Well, Maisie, they’ve got a lot more elaborate. I’ve got like two massive posters on my studio wall and it’s like everywhere, it’s all I see and it’s, I’ve got a different version of my laptop, so yeah, I’m going all out with the vision boards.

Maisie: I love it. It’s like, we need those reminders, is when you just think about what we’re all encountering day-to-day, and that becomes the dominant thing for us. The stuff that we see, the conversations we have. So when we’re trying to shift something, step into something else, a different future, a new plan, being more of ourselves, having those reminders, whether it’s through coaching conversations, a vision board, like whatever the tool is that supports you in doing that, having them is really key. 

Otherwise, you know, it’s like months go by and you’re like, oh yeah, remember that idea I came up with that I would like this in my life? Oh yeah, I’d forgotten all about it until, you know, you happen to find the scrap of paper that it was written on. If you even find it.

Lucy: Yeah, honestly, all the notebooks I have, I cannot find a system for it.

Maisie: I don’t even have a system for it. I found a notebook the other day and I was like, oh, this has got some useful stuff in it, some ideas that I had. But I’m much more like, you know, write it down, it’s in a notebook, move through it, move on, it’s there or it’s not. 

Lucy, have you got anything else that you would like to add before we finish up? This has been such a cool conversation. Anything else you want to finish up with.

Lucy: Well, just thank you so much for having me here and thank you for doing what you do because I through this I can see like clearer than ever that like when women take up space it creates space for other women and I am just so grateful for you for that because like you’re not in the business of giving people permission but being around you has like allowed me to think bigger than I had ever imagined, really.

Maisie: Oh, I mean, you can’t see it on a podcast, but I just like, you know, hands in the air, just so excited to hear that, Lucy, and thank you for sharing that.

Lucy: No, thank you. Like honestly, I’ve learned so much and probably wouldn’t have realized I was autistic without here at your podcast, probably it would have been something that I’m so resistant to is this idea that life is 50-50. So resistant to it. And so I’m like, well, why are we doing all of this work anyway? And then it’s like, well, because you can move through the not so good 50% with more ease and you’re more present for the good 50%, like the fun part. And so therefore, when you look back, it feels more fun because you’ve just moved through it and you’re so much more present in just what you’re doing day-to-day. And I think that’s a huge shift.

Maisie: Yeah. I think for me, it’s just really about being able to inhabit every aspect of your life and to be able to focus on the things that you do want to change. But I think it’s just dismantling this idea that is so ingrained in us that, oh, when I do this, or when I have this, when I’m at this stage in my life, I’m going to feel fantastic. And it’s like, we all have a good giggle about it in the membership when someone’s like, I did this thing and I still feel like me, like, yes, that’s what we’re talking about here.

Lucy: And this is where, like, I’ve had this recently where I’m like, okay, I’m going to start my business when I have less migraines, when I have less pain, when I feel better. And it’s like, no, I don’t know how long this is sticking around for. I don’t know what it’s going to take to unstick it, but I need to start showing up, despite it, where I can.

Maisie: Well, I’m so glad that you mentioned that because before we wrap up, I did want to ask you if you are working with clients in any capacity. Because I’m sure people listening will either going to want to check out your podcast and we will put a link to it in the show notes. But I’m sure there are people listening who are like, oh, it’s so great to hear from someone who cares this much, you know, about, about pets, about animals and also about their owners. And, you know, so let’s just answer that question now. Are you working with anyone in any shape or form? And it’s fine if you’re not, but you know me, I do like to kickstart a plan.

Lucy: Yes, Maisie, I am accepting clients at the minute. If anyone is interested, then you can head on over to my podcast, which is Pet Guardians, or you can find me on Instagram at PetGuardiansCo. And if you’re interested in working with me as a coach with my knowledge and expertise, then you can e-mail me at lucy@petguardians.info.

Maisie: Amazing. We will put those details in the show notes and things, and I’m relieved to hear that you are available to work, because there’s definitely at some point going to be something that comes up. Because like you said, animals get ill, they get sick, they have things happen, it’s ridiculous to think that they’re not going to have issues at some point. I’m sure, do you just do like welfare stuff as well for like, you know, just improving the lives of animals? 

Lucy: Yeah. So I’m just going to start putting out more like informational, like take me through a consult of an arthritic dog kind of thing. And I’m going to do one on like decision making and all the different hats you can wear. 

Maisie: Oh! Very cool. I’m so excited to follow more of your journey.

Lucy: Yeah, it’s that balance of like, I’m ready, but I’m like, yeah, it’s that like, I really am raring to go. Like I’m kind of like really building up my energy and excitement back for it, but I understand that I’ve literally just had two months of pretty much like severe pain every day. So I’m going to need to, you know, like recalibrate and I’m resisting that right now.

Maisie: Yeah. Well, I have no doubt that you will find your way and that you have so many resources within you and around you to support you in that. But it’s, yeah, it’s an interesting experiment, like figuring out how do I do this thing that I really want to do whilst also really doing it in a considered, intentional, loving way.

Lucy: Yes, absolutely. That is the goal. And I think my next decade is going to be a cracker.

Maisie: Yes, very powerful thought. Whatever your age is. Yes, very powerful thought. Whatever your age is. I knew this was going to be a juicy conversation.

Lucy: Yeah, thank you so much for everything, everything.

Maisie: You are welcome. Okay folks, make sure you go follow Lucy, check out her podcast. I’m on the podcast, there’s an episode of me talking about my horse, Mr. Buttons. That was just such a great conversation to have. So go follow Lucy, check out what she’s doing, and I will be back next week. I’ll catch you then.

Hey, if you love listening to this podcast then come and check out my membership, where you get my best resources and all the coaching you need to transform your inner and outer life. Sign up to the waitlist at maisiehill.com/powerful, and I’ll see you in the community.