This is episode 214, Wielding Anger, from Repression to Precision.

If you want to do things differently but need some help making it happen then tune in for your weekly dose of coaching from me, Maisie Hill, Master Life Coach and author of Period Power. Welcome to The Maisie Hill Experience.

Alright folks, I’m excited about this episode. I’m also kind of relieved to be recording it because I got hit with a cold that everyone’s been seemingly getting. I thought I was doing really well this winter, especially compared to last, because I was just getting hit with all sorts of illnesses and injuries last autumn and winter. And this autumn and winter, I’ve been feeling like my immunity is so much better. As everyone got taken out over December and January with gastro bugs and coughs and colds and flus and things, I was kind of feeling like, oh yeah, I’ve managed to avoid it. Suddenly, I got hit with it. So, here we are though. I am back.

Now, for those of you who have read the books Fourth Wing and Iron Flame, I promise you there’s no spoilers in this episode for anyone who hasn’t. But if you have read those books and you’re into them, I encourage you to listen to this episode and think about Violet Sorengale and her signet. Because you might notice in some of my language choices and things, I have definitely drawn some inspiration from those books. Because I haven’t read Onyx Storm, so for those of you who don’t know, Onyx Storm is the recently published third book in the series. I’ve had it for over a week, but I haven’t started reading it because I’ve actually been rereading the first two books, even though I only read them for the first time in November. But I just wanted to kind of reread them. I think if you’ve read the books, you’ll understand why. There’s just a lot of things that you miss when you’re reading them that are actually clues as to what’s coming up. So I wanted to re-read them. I can’t wait to get started with Onyx Storm though.

So anyway, here we are at the start of February and you wouldn’t know it today because I can hear the wind rattling in the windows and we’ve had hail today, but until today it has really felt like we’re noticing the first hints of spring. We’ve just had Imbolc, so that’s the festival marking the midpoint between winter and spring. Traditionally, Imbolc is a time of renewal and thinking about spring and the months ahead.

This is where we really start to notice that daylight is returning and changes in the air. And you know up until now it has really felt like there’s a hint of spring. We are certainly out of the dark depths of winter, the days are getting longer and that shift in daylight is already affecting my creatures.

So one of the hens has started laying eggs and they do that in response to increasing daylight. So when we first got them, we were getting one medium-sized brown egg most days, but then the other day Nelson came charging up the stairs full of excitement because there was also a small white egg in there. So two out of the four hens are now laying.

Oh and side note, we also had our first fox interaction the other day, which we were expecting because they existed in the world and we know that we get at least one visiting fox in our garden. Because of that, we only let the hens out free ranging when we’re at home and we’re in the kitchen or the garden, so that we can keep an eye on them.

It was just so cool. I mean, obviously not cool that fox went to get them. They’re all okay, by the way. But if you have read my book Powerful, you might remember me talking about a response to perceived threats in the environment that we do that’s called orienting. It’s when something in the environment alerts a creature, there’s like a noise or something, and then they just pause, and they go still for a moment whilst they orient themselves to what’s going on and figure out what’s happening.

We do this too. Think about how you respond if there’s a loud noise. You turn to it and you check out what’s happening. You look at it, but you also kind of go still, because you don’t want to be detected if it is an actual threat.

Once in a while, I see the chickens doing this. If there’s a cat on the wall or something like that. They had all frozen whilst I was boiling the kettle. So I looked out and I saw this fox on the wall and how is this for a response? I screamed. I screamed. I started running out into the garden whilst yelling, there’s a fox! But Paul was upstairs and didn’t hear me saying that. He just heard me scream and he came running down the stairs, seriously worried about me.

I chased the fox away by this point, but when I told him why I screamed, he was like, what the hell? He’s like, a bloody fox. And we realised that in the 11 years he’s known me, he’s never heard me scream. I’ve never screamed at anything in that time frame. So he was really concerned, but I could see that I reacted a bit like how the hens were all squawking to alert each other. And one of them ran into my leg as I ran out towards the fox. But thankfully, all the hens are still alive and doing well. So that’s what’s happening with the hens.

And then of course we have my horse, Button. So he has begun shedding his winter coat. Horses don’t shed their coats based on temperature. It’s also all about the light. Their eyes sense the longer days. That triggers the pineal glands to send hormonal signals to the pituitary gland, you know, kicking off the process of shedding.

So my point in telling you all this is with all these changes and spring beginning to be in the air, I’m wondering what changes are you noticing? Not just in the environment around you, but in your internal environment. And those of you who are in the Southern Hemisphere, this also applies to you because you’re in a season, autumn or fall, where shedding also happens because the leaves start to fall. So you can consider it from that point of view. It’s a bit of a different vibe, but it’s the same thing happening.

So in spring, we have the plants sending up their first shoots through the soil as spring begins to take hold. Similarly to that, we start to feel the stirrings of emotions waking up within us. This energy isn’t something to squash back down. If you try to, good luck to you. That same strong upward force that pushes new life through the ground is rising in you too. And that tension, that frustration, that restlessness, it’s part of the transition from the hibernation of winter into movement, expansion and growth that comes with spring.

So what feels like it’s shifting and emerging in your internal world? What are you ready to shed and leave behind? When a horse starts losing their winter coat, it doesn’t all come off in one fell swoop.

I mean, certainly lots of it come off at once, and you end up getting it in your mouth and in your eyes, and it’s not great sensory wise, I will say. But it happens over a period of time and sometimes they get itchy and uncomfortable, okay? They might need like a really good brush and scratch and some extra support just to help loosen and remove that hair. And if they’ve had a hard winter, maybe they’ve been depleted or struggling in some way, that process of shedding might take longer and it’s the same for us.

So what are you carrying from winter that you’re ready to shed now that it’s spring? Are there beliefs, habits or patterns that perhaps served a purpose over the darker months but they’re just not useful anymore? Is there something that’s feeling itchy and uncomfortable, like you’re outgrowing? You’re outgrowing a skin or you’re shedding your winter coat. So it’s on its way out but it’s not quite gone yet and you kind of need to, you know how you see bears like rubbing their backs and doing that dance against trees, like that’s the image that I have. And do you need a bit of support in this process, some metaphorical grooming to help you release what’s ready to go?

Sometimes we can really resist this process and we just want to be on the other side already. Fully in our summer coats, feeling fresh and renewed. But this shedding process can take time and not necessarily a long time, but it has its own season. And there’s something about that process of shedding that is important. So I don’t think it’s something we should be aiming to skip past just because it feels uncomfortable and we wanna be on the other side of it. There’s a lot to be said for the scratchy process of actually letting it go and getting it off you. And if you’re feeling a bit depleted, you might need to go a bit slowly or receive some help with it, but just give yourself the space and the care that’s required to go through that process.

So of course, with the change in season, I want to bring in the Chinese medicine angle on this. Because as the energy of spring arrives on the scene, it’s very common for frustration and anger and things that fall into similar flavours. It’s very common for them to show up. I’ve touched on this in previous years, but I know that you all need reminding because this catches me out every year and I know it very well. So my degrees in Chinese medicine, I remember when I was in China, studying in the hospital there, the professor, the consultant that I was doing the training with would really talk about this week or two period around this time of year when everything shifts and everyone’s pulses start to feel different and you can just really notice that, you would call it the spring pulse coming in.

It’s important when these emotions are showing up that you don’t see it as a problem. I would love for you to consider that it’s actually a really good helpful thing. And how might your relationship with anger change if you see it as a supportive force, a force for good? It’s a sign for the need for movement, of energy shifting, of things bubbling up that need to come to the surface.

In the same way that as winter ice melts in spring, it releases trapped nutrients and gases, you are also releasing stored up energy as you thaw. And you might be really feeling that right now. Think of it as another layer of shedding your winter coat.

Right, over winter we tend to turn inward, we conserve energy, we hold things in and now as the energy of spring starts to shift, those emotions that have been beneath the surface start moving and emerging too. It’s your version of shedding your winter coat and making space for what’s next, which will be establishing your summer coat.

This is about shifting repressed emotions that have been internalized and underneath over the winter. And now that energy is beginning to come to the surface, those emotions start to bubble up too. Again, that is not a problem. Don’t be thinking that it is. This is about assertiveness, speaking up and conscious erupting.

In Chinese medicine, when your liver qi is blocked, you really feel frustration and irritability and anger. And it’s harder for your qi to flow and move around. Then that stuckness in you, stagnation, that then creates more frustration and anger. You get caught in that vicious cycle and it causes all sorts of issues. This is where the menstrual cycle can be so helpful. Well, maybe not entirely because the cycle can certainly emphasise issues to do with stagnation even more because it causes all sorts of symptoms, but the cycle, when you work with it, can also provide plenty of opportunities for release and so can perimenopause.

Wood is the element of spring and when someone’s wood qi is depleted they can just be prone to feeling stuck, indecisive and lacking direction in life. This wood element also governs your tendons and ligaments, so moving your body, specifically stretching it, That’s going to be really supportive at this time of year. But this isn’t just about flexibility in your body, it’s also about flexibility of mind. Right? Yes, we can’t actually separate mind from body, but you get my point.

And this is where coaching is going to be so helpful. Everyone in the membership, this is for you, this next bit. Myself and the other coaches can help you with any frustrations or stagnation like stuckness that you are experiencing. We can help you notice black and white rigid thinking that’s coming in and help you to access like the gray areas, that place of flexibility.

We can also help you to develop a healthier relationship with your anger so that you can wield it appropriately and with responsibility. It doesn’t have to lash out like a whip and hurt someone and cause damage. This can be hard if you haven’t had that modeled to you and if you avoid being angry because historically you’ve been on the receiving end of its destructive forces and you don’t want to be that person who causes that kind of damage.

If that’s you, I have some big news for you. You don’t have to. You can be angry and use that anger without behaving that way and without causing harm. I coached a client on this this week. This is the time of year where it happens. It’s come up I think with all my private clients and I can start to see it coming in in the membership as well.

But this particular client who’s allowed me to share the imagery that came up in our session, so thank you to them for that. But this image of a volcano came up in our session and we were talking about how regular mini eruptions can be really useful, especially compared to holding everything in until there’s a massive explosion on the scene.

So when we repress anger, it doesn’t make it go away, it just builds up that pressure and then when it finally comes out it tends to be messy and uncontrolled and thoroughly destructive. So both repressing anger and exploding have consequences for your health, for your relationships, everything really. So instead, what if we all learned to release that energy intentionally, to erupt regularly enough and with precision, conscious eruptions. That way we use its corrective nature and there isn’t a massive buildup because if we address the things that we get angry about, then anger can take a back seat again because its job is done. It’s emerged, it was listened to, action was taken, corrective action was taken and now it can retreat.

And of course, we want to wield this power with responsibility, to erupt with precision and in a way that is not intended to harm. We can be direct, we can be assertive in a responsible way. Okay, there’s a big difference between saying something like, “Hey, that’s not cool and to be very clear I won’t stand for that. Here’s what’s going to happen if this continues.” Right? That to me is like very clear, very responsible, very like conscious eruption versus pointing the finger at someone, unleashing all your anger, being mean, using derogatory terms and punishing them. Big difference between those two things.

Part of being responsible with anger also involves making sure we’re not jumping to conclusions and in some kind of chain reaction within ourselves and also in response to other people. Have you noticed how anger is meticulous? Anger is convinced that it knows the facts. It doesn’t want to listen to any other opinion. Even when in the heat of the moment someone might be presenting you with evidence that your so-called facts aren’t exactly that, anger doesn’t want to hear that because it’s so invested in the facts that it’s built itself upon.

So being responsible here is about noticing your reaction, being able to pause and to clarify things. And if at that point we realize our level of response is on the strong side, and maybe based on a heap of assumptions, then we can deescalate that, whilst taking care of ourselves. As in not judging ourselves for that initial response, still hanging out in the sensory experience of the emotions that are there, and giving ourselves an opportunity to have them and to release them.

But when you’re clear and you’re angry, the responsible thing to do is to use it to affect change. And think about everything that’s happening in the world right now. Isn’t there a lot for us to be angry about and to use that anger to affect change?

It can also be about releasing something that we no longer need to carry. If you’ve been carrying anger around about things for decades, that’s gonna have a huge impact. If you aren’t practiced at releasing and wielding anger, then you might have this storage facility inside you that’s filled with all the stuff you’ve ever been angry about. So sometimes it’s about giving a voice to those past hurts that were never expressed.

And that tendency towards repression, keeping it all inside, bottling it down, is probably because it felt safer to keep it in, which in all likelihood was probably very wise of you at that moment in time. But although on one hand it was in some way safer, can you also see the harm that keeping it all in has done and continues to do?

So this is your opportunity to create a new relationship with anger. Anger doesn’t have to equal conflict and violence, but that upward surge of energy can feel quite intense, especially if you’re not used to working with it. And anger is often just the tip of the iceberg. Underneath the surface of the water is where we find embarrassment, worry, hurt, disappointment, feeling rejected, insecure, lonely, helpless or envious, just to name a few. So be sure to take a look at what’s happening beneath the surface too.

So as you think about what you are shedding right now, ask yourself, where is frustration, irritability, stuckness or anger showing up in your life right now? How can you use that energy constructively and responsibly? What needs to be expressed so that you don’t end up in a cycle of repression and maybe massive eruptions?

Those questions are always in our podcast transcript which you can find on my website, https://maisiehill.com/podcast, and you’ll find each episode with the full transcript and any relevant links. If you are in the membership, bring your answer to those questions, bring your realizations to the community, submit requests for coaching, Ask a Coach, like let’s use this time of year to get you all coached up on these things so that you can shed your winter coat and move on into spring with your new coat coming through. Release the stuff that isn’t helping you.

Those of you who aren’t in the membership yet, Ask a Coach is where you can get unlimited individual written coaching and that is currently included in the monthly membership. And we are gonna be opening the doors in the spring. I’m not entirely sure when yet, because there’s a lot going on behind the scenes. It’s really exciting, and I can’t wait to reveal it to you.

But just think about if you showed up to Ask a Coach, those of you in the membership, and you got coached there, you could shift all the things that are in relation to what I’ve discussed here today. And so much would change as a result of that. So let us help you shed your winter coats and deal with all the stuff that’s bubbling up inside of you. Okay, because it’s bubbling up for a reason, so let’s work with that energy.

Okay folks, thank you for having me today. Can’t wait to hear what you think of this episode and I will catch you next week.

Hey, if you love listening to this podcast then come and check out my membership, The Flow Collective, where you get my best resources and all the coaching you need to transform your inner and outer life. Sign up to the waitlist at theflowcollective.co/join, and I’ll see you in the community.