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Welcome to the Period Power podcast. I’m your host Maisie Hill menstrual health expert, acupuncturist, certified life coach and author of Period Power. I’m on a mission to help you get your cycle working for you so that you can use it to get what you want out of life. Are you ready? Let’s go.

Hi everyone, welcome to the podcast. I’m Maisie Hill, your host. And this is the first episode of a series that’s all about the things that have served me well in my business and in my life, kind of like the secrets of my success. But first before we get into it, if you are a return listener to the podcast, maybe you’ve been listening for a while, I’d love for you to take a minute. That’s literally all it takes to just rate and review the podcast because as you know if you’ve been around for a while, I’m on a mission to help as many people for free through the podcast as possible.

I spend a day or so a week every week on the podcast. And if you find it helpful to you, then I’d love for you to leave a review because that’s what increases the ranking and helps other people to find it. And you can do that whilst you’re listening to the episode. It’ll just take seconds and I’d really appreciate your help, so thank you in advance.

Okay, I am excited to share this series with you. I was just going to do one episode about it later on this year but then I basically went and had some reflexology here in Margate a couple of weeks ago. And I had a session with Alex Bottomley who’s a practitioner here in Margate. And I love having treatments with her. And after the treatment we were just taking a moment just to catch up and talking about the professional growth that I’ve had. And we were remembering a workshop that I did in Margate. I think it must have been 2018.

And that was an in-person workshop which then evolved into an online course that I created which then evolved into The Flow Collective, my membership as well as my book, Period Power. So that workshop was four years ago. And since then I’ve evolved a lot, I’ve grown a lot and so has my business. But what I wanted to say as is often the case, this came off the back of 15 years working as a practitioner and a doula.

You have to remember, it’s so important to remember that what we see in other people’s success is usually just the tip of the iceberg. And what we don’t see or what we don’t pay attention to is all the stuff that’s come before that. And it’s not that growth and success can’t be quick, because they definitely can. I’ve got colleagues who have had phenomenal success in a very short period of time.

So we don’t want to be in the habit of making the passage of time responsible for our success which is what you will be doing if you’re saying things like, “Well, these things just take time, or give it some time”, things of that nature. Because broadly speaking that’s a load of BS. But when you see someone else crossing the finish line or a finish line of some kind, when you see that photo of them in their success, what you’re not seeing is everything that went into it, all of the failures, the struggles, the many milestones that came before that huge one that you’re seeing.

And I love to share all of it so that hopefully it can help you. So thank you to Alex for bringing this to the forefront of my mind. The first topic that I want to talk about is self-trust. Now, the self-trust is incredibly important for all of us. It’s something that I help my clients with in all sorts of ways. And it’s what I want for all of you as well because the way that we’re socialized often means that we end up not trusting ourselves. And it’s yet again another way that we can end up with less because lack of self-trust is costly.

And I know some of you have a good sense of what I mean when I say self-trust. But I want to break it down so that we’re all on the same page. And so that you can see what I mean when I say that it’s costly. So lack of self-trust shows up as things like self-doubt, perfectionism, and procrastination because usually perfectionism and procrastination are bedfellows, they usually show up together. It can also look like imposter syndrome, dwelling on the past, worrying about the future and indecision as well.

So when you don’t trust yourself there can be this sense of feeling stuck. You might have a desire, an urge, or a need to change something in your life, but you don’t trust yourself to make that change. This is why it’s so costly. And sometimes it’s about just not trusting yourself to do things differently because you could be in the habit of putting yourself down and criticising yourself for things that you either did or didn’t do in the past. And you make decisions from that place.

And usually the decision is not to put yourself out there, or to accept an opportunity, or put yourself forward for something because you’re using your past against yourself. But it can also be about not trusting yourself to treat yourself with kindness if it doesn’t work out. Listen, when I say this, if your habit is to talk crap about yourself and be mean to yourself, and by the way, you can do that in the event of failure, or in the event of success, then your brain might think it’s better not to create another opportunity for failure because then it’s just another chance to beat yourself up.

But then what you’ll do is just beat yourself up for not taking action. So of course the solution with both of these ways that it takes place is to just stop being so mean to yourself and you can do that. This internal voice you’ve had might have been with you for a long, long time. But you can change your relationship with yourself. And if you do that then you can do anything. But it’s very common especially when you’ve been socialised as female to want to avoid things that are ‘risky’.

How many times do you think you were told to be careful as you were growing up, maybe even now as an adult that’s something that people say to you. To be careful and to be safe. But there’s a difference between how boys are socialised and how girls are socialised. Though I will also say that these days I think the whole be careful style of parenting has got a bit ridiculous. I’ve touched on this before I think on another episode.

But using language a lot like that with a kid can really influence their trust in themself. If they’re just minding their own business, doing something, trusting themselves as they’re doing it. And then a caregiver tells them to be careful, sometimes you can literally see if you’re paying attention, the doubt enter their being and it wasn’t there before. But just being observed and being told, “Be careful”, shifts something in them.

Maybe if you see a kid balancing on something or climbing up something and they’re confident in what they’re doing, they’re trusting their sense of where they are in space, their balance, their body, all of those things. And then someone says, “Be careful”, and they just literally lose their balance, or they stop following their body. So it can and it does impact kids of all genders but there are distinct differences. By the way can you hear the seagulls? They’re going wild outside where I’m recording. I’m in my studio space. I got distracted by them for a moment.

So when girls take risks or are doing something that’s perceived by a caregiver as risky or unsafe then they’re responded to with concerns about their safety. Whereas boys are responded to with discipline. So there’s a big difference in our socialisation around risk taking. And of course when I’m saying risk taking in the context of your life, that’s not something that we can quantify or objectively say is risky. It’s just about how your nervous system is responding or it’s a thought that you have in your brain.

And there are many things that feel risky to my clients and probably to you that maybe wouldn’t feel risky to others. But we don’t need to be in the business of comparing and judging ourselves for that. You may also have the experience of saying what you wanted or what you needed, and your request being questioned by those around you. It’s like the classic response of, “Are you sure?” It’s like, “Yes, I’m sure. Why would I answer that way if I wasn’t sure?” Or that’s what I say in my head anyway.

Or maybe you have had experiences of your requests, your needs being ignored or dismissed in some way, or people disagreeing with you. So it’s just helpful to understand the context in which we were socialised and raised and to know that these things are going to influence things. So that when we have particular responses to things you can just be like, “Okay, this is just my tendency which makes sense given my history and my socialisation, so now what?” And then we can take things from there.

And I think I have a pretty high-risk tolerance and I think that I’ve been reflecting on this a lot. And I think it’s because I just trust myself so much that I’m willing to take risks. I have an inner confidence that things will always work out and that I can handle what happens. And that isn’t to do with things going to plan because sometimes things do go to plan and that’s amazing. But we can’t orchestrate our lives or predict everything. There’s going to be hiccups and surprises along the way but do trust that you will handle them.

Paul asked me this great question yesterday. We were driving along, and he asked me something, I can’t recall the exact question that he asked me, but it was about how much money the business makes now and if it’s changed how I think and feel. Because for most of my life I never made more than £30,000 a year. So this is back when I was employed in my early 20s and just the first 10 years or more of having my own business and working as a practitioner and doula. It’s only when I started working with a coach in my 30s that things started to shift.

I also grew up on benefits so for so long money just seemed like this elusive thing. I also wasn’t particularly motivated by money as well but that’s a whole other thing. But I did always trust that money would show up when I needed it and it did. It was very often tight, but it did show up. And it’s one of those thoughts about money that was kind of useful, but it began to hold me back because it was one of the thoughts that was keeping me in this hand to mouth existence.

And now I have a multiple six figure business. And I have the joy of paying other people and I cannot tell you how much I love being able to pay other people. It’s just wild to me that I get to do that because I just never imagined that I would, it just wasn’t on my radar at all until very recently. And I’m going to be talking more about money and investing probably in next week’s episode because that’s been a crucial part of my success too.

But when Paul asked me this question, he was quite surprised by my answer because I told him that, “Yes, it’s amazing to experience this revenue growth and to enter the next phase of business.” Because it’s really rare for women in business to create this much revenue. Only 10% of businesses that are making six figures or more, so £100,000 or more, only 10% of those are female owned businesses. And only a tiny percentage of businesses making a million or more are female owned, 2%. And I think it’s time that changed.

And when I say female owned, that’s because that’s the language that the research currently uses. But what I mean, what I want is for people of all genders to be running six and seven figure businesses and for that percentage to shift. But my main thought, I’m going to get there, my main thought in response to Paul’s question is that I could lose it all and it not be a problem because I just trust my ability to handle things so much. I trust my ability to create and build a business.

I trust that I can handle the emotions of it all because of course there would be emotions involved. I’d be devastated if for some reason it all went away. I don’t know how that would happen but if it did I know I could start again and make money and be okay. That’s just something I feel extremely confident in. And I kind of think that’s been there for a long, long time. But even as I’m saying this my brain’s just popping with ideas about how I’d do it. And I’d probably enjoy it. Doesn’t mean there wouldn’t be challenges and struggles, but I know I can handle it and then I can focus on making it happen.

And I also trust myself that I could be employed again. I don’t think it’s what I would choose, and it has been, I think, maybe 20 years since I was employed but I know that I’d be able to manage my mind and I know that I can create joy and creativity in anything I would do. I don’t have to be running my own business in order to do that. So it was really interesting to me, that question that he gave me about how things have shifted. And I think it’s just my level of self-trust is so high now, that that’s what gives me security and safety.

It’s not actually any numbers in the bank or anything like that, but we’ll talk more about money next week.

Okay, let’s circle back, there was a bit of a tangent, let’s circle back to feeling stuck because being stuck creates frustration. So you’re feeling stuck because you don’t trust yourself. And then being stuck creates frustration and vice versa. That’s the kind of thing that it’s like a bit of a vicious cycle to be in.

So you could be frustrated with your situation but also with yourself. And this is when your inner critic will have a lot to say and be jumping in with lots of judgy thoughts about you not taking action that will change things. And there can be this overall feeling of discontent. And this is another tangent, getting all sorts in today’s episode. I may as well tell you this now because it’s so important to feel that discontentment.

It’s crucial because if you try to gloss over it, or avoid it, or try to make yourself feel better and get out of feeling that discontent and frustration then things don’t change and you’re keeping yourself trapped. Because when you feel discontentment and you feel the frustration, and the resentment then that’s what will drive you to make changes. But because as humans we prefer comfort and feeling good, we usually try to get out of experiencing these emotions, especially if we’re not practiced at feeling them.

So are you willing to feel those emotions? Do you trust yourself to experience those feelings? Because years ago I felt very frustrated professionally and it annoyed me that I was feeling that level of frustration. But it was because I could feel something in me. I knew I wanted to create something. I had no idea what it was, I just knew that I wanted to impact a lot of people and that I could impact a lot of people and help a lot of people. I had no idea how I would do it and that really frustrated me.

And it’s like every menstrual cycle I had was working me and that frustration was just kind of driving something. I just felt this need to create something. I had no idea what it was. And it’s like being a potter and not having any clay in front of you or a gardener with no soil. But what came out of that frustration was my book, Period Power, the first one. And that just flew out of me and it’s the same for The Flow Collective.

I felt frustrated at only being able to help one person at a time as a practitioner and when I was doing one-on-one coaching and I knew I had to build something bigger. Now imagine if instead of feeling that frustration I just scrolled on my phone to numb out and not feel it, or if I’d used alcohol or something else to avoid those emotions. This is why feeling these uncomfortable emotions is so important because at some point that discontent will transform into something else.

For me, that frustration moved into feeling determined, determined to help more people. And I felt focused and inspired and all those other emotions that resulted in me knuckling down to do that hard work and figure it out. But back to self-trust, I could take that action because I trusted myself. I wrote Period Power in five months and one month of that, Nelson was home either because it was the holidays or because he was ill and we had no childcare, so four months.

And there’s no way I could have done that if I doubted myself or wasn’t confident in my ability to help you. Imagine trying to write a book in that time whilst you’re also questioning and doubting yourself. It just wouldn’t happen. You either wouldn’t make the deadline or it would be a really crap book. These things just aren’t compatible. So think about when you’re questioning yourself.

Maybe you know there’s something that you want to say or to do but you question it, and you tell yourself that you’re undecided. You’ve got to watch out for this one. You’re not undecided, you’re just indulging in indecision. And with The Flow Collective, I had no evidence that it would work out, none, no evidence that my clients would get results. I didn’t know anyone else with a membership, I just knew it was something I had to do, and I trusted that I would be able to deliver.

And because I wasn’t going to examples of failure in my past or worrying about things in the future, I was able to focus on creating it, launching it, and then just showing up and making it work. I could have easily spent an additional six months planning and preparing, and just tinkering away under the guise of improving things.

But I probably wouldn’t have been improving things at that point and sometimes it’s better that you’ve just got it out there. Because then you get feedback and then you know what actually needs to be improved rather than just what you think needs to be improved in your mind which is not necessarily what’s going to make a difference. So there is this difference between getting things ready and then you being a perfectionist and holding back.

And this is another place that you can get stuck, when something is done and it’s ready to go but you don’t release it into the world probably because you’re experiencing fear of some kind or something, a flavour along those lines. And in an example like that, what you might do is tell yourself that you need to learn more which is a really easy place to hide because when you’re learning it feels like you’re doing something, that you’re being productive. And you can tell yourself that you’re doing something.

But if you’re honest with yourself what you’re actually doing is procrastinating and this is why there’s zero content in my business coaching programme that’s starting in September. So I’m enrolling for that at the moment. But my clients are all practitioners, therapists, coaches, they’re birth workers who want to grow their businesses. And what’s universal is that they all love to learn which is awesome because as a practitioner, as a therapist, as a yoga teacher, learning is one of the things that makes you so awesome at what you do.

And there’s a lot of value in learning things but it’s also a safe place to hide and not take action and this is true of many industries and many professions. And I want everyone who’s taking part to be taking action. So one way I’m influencing that is by not giving you any content to consume. There isn’t a place to hide because imagine if you just leaned into self-trust instead and just got going. If you trusted yourself enough to take action and take the next step even if you have no idea what happens after that.

Just take that step or to release your creation into the world, trusting that whatever happens next you will be able to handle it, that you trust yourself to be able to handle and experience any emotions that come up because they will come up. Self-trust is one of those things that I just, I want for all of you. But if you have your own business, if you’re an entrepreneur of some kind then it’s non-negotiable. I mean really it’s non-negotiable for all of you. But building self-trust is an ongoing process.

There are places where I’m still learning to trust myself and I have a lot of self-trust. But there’s still some areas I’m like, “Yeah, I’m not trusting myself fully there.” And I don’t beat myself up for that because it’s literally the same thing as needing to buy some toothpaste or bin bags. And yes, those are two things that I need to remember to buy today. But I’m not over here beating myself up for needing to get them or not having them.

I could definitely chastise myself for not having bought them already or not having spares or whatever. But what’s the point in doing that? All I do when I do that is cause myself harm. And my life got so much better when I decided to just stop doing that to myself. So instead these things are just, they’re more factual and more neutral for us. They’re not as loaded. They’re just things that you could do with. Not having them doesn’t have to mean anything about you.

It’s like with the toothpaste and the bin bags, I can exist without them. But having them will make a difference and the same goes for self-trust. You don’t have to judge yourself and put yourself down if you feel like you’re lacking in self-trust. And of course you can get by without it but it’s not much of a life especially your internal life. It’s not how I would choose to live, and I hope that’s the same for you. So that’s it for today.

We will continue the series probably for another couple of episodes, I think. But as you will see, self-trust is the foundation of the other themes that I’m going to be touching on and sharing with you because all the other stuff that I have done that has helped me to succeed in my life and in my business I would not be able to do if I didn’t trust myself. So I wanted to start here. I hope you found it helpful. Let me know, send me a message how this one has landed for you, and I will be back next week.

Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of the Period Power podcast. If you enjoyed learning how to make your cycle work for you, head over to maisiehill.com for more.