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Welcome to the Period Power podcast. I’m your host Maisie Hill menstrual health expert, acupuncturist, certified life coach and author of Period Power. I’m on a mission to help you get your cycle working for you so that you can use it to get what you want out of life. Are you ready? Let’s go.

Hello, hello folks. It is a gorgeously sunny day here in Margate, it’s a little cool, but the sun is out, and the sky is blue which is just amazing to experience after winter. And I’m feeling excited today because my great friend Mars Lord, who I know you all know love on the podcast because you’re always telling me. She’s coming down from London to meet me for lunch. And there’s some work we’re going to go over together, but her timing has worked out really well, as always because we’ve got some things to celebrate. And I want to share some of it with you as well.

So, the first thing is that I have some cards that are being published this month. You heard it here first. Unless actually, probably by the time this episode comes out, you might have seen them on Instagram, so you may already know about them. But if you haven’t, definitely head to my profile @_Maisiehill_ and take a look at them because they are stunning.

So, what’s happened is Period Power, my first book has been made into a set of beautifully illustrated cards. And when I say cards, I don’t mean like the kind of cards that you’d send to someone in an envelope to say happy birthday, but they’re a set of reference cards. You have to see them because they’ve just done such a beautiful job. I have to say, I have very high standards from an aesthetic and a design point of view. And let me tell you, the illustrator, Lucy Byron, and the team over at Laurence King who have published them have far exceeded what I thought they would be like.

And so that’s really saying something. So, the cards are basically a condensed version of Period Power and they come with a booklet, and then each cards has an illustration on one side, and then some accompanying text on the other. And I’m really happy about this because it’s just so cool to see them, they’re amazing. We’ve also had a ridiculous amount of requests over the years for me to do a version of Period Power that’s more suited towards adolescents and teens. And when I say a ridiculous amount, I mean a really ridiculous amount of requests.

So I’m really happy to be able to tell you finally about the cards because they really are perfect for younger people. But they’re also really a handy set of cards to have for anyone who wants to get to know their cycle and refer to what’s going on at each stage. So, I know lots of you have highlighted and added sticky notes to Period Power, and to find the sections that are most useful to you, those sections that you just return to again, and again. And now there’s these cards that you can use instead or as well.

So, we will put a link to them in the show notes, they’re coming out on the 17th of March, which, no, it’s not the day the episode comes out. I think it’s the day after. So, you can order them now and be using them within days. But that’s not all Mars and I are celebrating. We’re also celebrating that The Flow Collective has moved into its beautiful new home, our brand new membership portal is up and running. And my team has also grown, so there’s now five of us, not including the coaches who come in and do guest coaching, and some other contractors that we work with.

But there’s a core team of five of us now which I’m going to kind of return to this in a moment, but that’s just such big news for me. And we’re also celebrating that my master coach project has just been approved. So, I found out late last night, my good friend Lindsay Dotzlaf, who’s in my group, shared the news because I hadn’t seen the messages on Slack that my project has met the requirements for passing that part of the training. We’ve still got other requirements that we need to meet, so I’m not done quite yet. But it was really significant to me that my project is done.

So, I want to share with you today a bit about my project and one of the things that was most transformational to me as I did this project because I think it’s going to be really helpful for you all as well. So those of you who are in The Flow Collective, I’m going to be sharing the other parts with you in the coming months, because I’ve taken the process that I’ve gone through as inspiration for how I want to help you in the coming months, so those teachings are going to be coming up.

But today I want to focus on one particular aspect of it and it’s all about loving the parts of you that you don’t like. So, I’m going to backtrack before I get into it and give the overview of my project so that you’ve got some context, and this will all make sense. So, for master coach training which is basically an advanced coach training at the Life Coach School, which is where I trained. And as part of it we all had to come up with our own projects, and they were all unique to us but what they had in common is that they were all very challenging to each individual.

And it took me a while to figure out what to do, because there are so many things that I have achieved. But what I landed with is that my business is growing and it’s going to keep growing. I’m on a real mission here and my whole team is on a mission as well. And we want to help as many of you as we can, whether that’s here on the podcast, or it’s in The Flow Collective, or whatever else I end up doing. And that means growing a team so that we can actually do that because I can’t do it all on my own.

And I have to tell you, that is already so far out of my comfort zone. I love to work on my own. I love to just get on with things on my own. I love to exist on my own but it’s not sustainable. And although my ability to get on with things and be resourceful has served me extremely well in the past, it became the thing that was holding me back and actually prevented me from helping the number of people that I want to help.

And even when there are things that I can do, I just became aware that I shouldn’t actually be doing them. Because it just makes no sense for me to be replying to customer service tech questions for example, when I could be coming up with concepts to teach my clients or to share here on the podcast. And I don’t actually handle those emails at all, but it’s the example that popped into my head.

But there were definitely things that I was doing that I was actually already paying someone else to do, but because I’m very comfortable with all the tech stuff that goes into running an online business and I love figuring things out, I love getting stuck in and doing things. But when I’m doing that, I’m actually now preventing other people from doing their job that I’m paying them to do.

So, I had this idea that I needed to only do my job and not just only do my job as it was when I started the project. But to also think about the future and where the membership is going and how I can be of best service to my clients. So, this idea was just perfect for me because it was the one project that would also mean me addressing other areas that I know are my growth. So, delegating things, communicating with the team, because I love to live in my head and my brain moves very fast. I move on and there are things I forget to communicate with other people.

And this was causing some problems, not major ones, but it was definitely slowing things down, put it that way and holding us back. So, my project was to write my job description and then only do my job, and to document how I went about doing that. And to share the thought work I did, all the self-coaching I did, the coaching that I received from others in basically everything that was required in order for me to do it.

And by the way, I can’t remember if I’ve shared this with you before. But when I came up with this project, I thought I’d have 90 days, three months to implement it and get everything in place. Because that’s how long the project was going to run for, everyone’s projects. So, I came up with this idea thinking I’d have three months to do all the coaching, set the business up, all the things. They gave me six days to do it, six days from having my project approved to having all of this in place. And then the 90 days was all about me continuing to do it. So that was fun.

It actually was really fun, and it was also very challenging, and all the things. But halfway through the project I got coached by my instructors, Bev and Cara, and the coaching that they gave me changed everything.

So, there were a few things that I wasn’t getting done and fairly inconsequential things, but I was really making not doing them a big deal and using them as a way of being mean to myself. And some of this was quite obvious to me, I could see it. And there were these more subtle ways that this was going on. And that’s what coaching with them helped me to realise.

So I’ve done a lot of work over the years on this story that I’ve carried for a long time that I’m disorganised. And so much has already shifted there, but this project really brought up the remaining bits back up to the surface. And I’m saying remaining, but I do have the awareness that chances are there’s going to be more to uncover in the future and to work with. I’m open to it.

As this was happening, I realised that I had to love the parts of me that I don’t like. The parts that I wish I could change, really accept them. And this is work I’ve done before, it’s what I teach my clients, but this was on a whole other level, radical acceptance of me, all the parts of me. And this work, I think is ongoing for all of us, and this was just one of those times where I was really confronted with the parts of me that I don’t love. And there might be parts of you that you would like to change.

This week I coached one of our members on how she struggles with communicating in the second half of her cycle. And that it would be helpful if she could talk a bit more, and share, and connect with those around her. And I know that this is going to be familiar with so many of you, it’s, you know, for a lot of people it’s just the nature of the second half of the cycle, we tend to go more internal. Doesn’t have to be a problem, it really doesn’t. I do this too and I made it a problem for a long time. It doesn’t have to be.

Now, if it’s something that would be helpful for you to change and it’s for you then make that change from already loving yourself, from already accepting yourself. Because it’s so much better to make those shifts, and even consider them when you’re already loving yourself, already accepting yourself, rather than make those changes from judgement, and criticism, and shame. I can promise you that.

And this is what my project involved because I had this idea in my mind of what a successful business owner who’s leading a team looks like in terms of the things that they do, how they behave, how they go about their business. And in these subtle ways I was criticising myself for not living up to that image. Which is so perfectionistic anyway and really, it’s no surprise it’s there because I don’t have much experience of working in teams, I mean I do have some, but not much.

So most of what my idea of working as a team comes from is from movies and TV, and I don’t know, just my imagination. Not particularly useful images to be working with. And the coaching I received helped me to see this, and my instructors challenged me to set up my business as my paradise. This was the second half of my project. Such an amazing task to get. I hadn’t even considered it through that lens at all. And then the other part that they offered to me was to basically accept that there are things, that for whatever reason my brain has a hard time with.

And this was the exact moment in time that I knew I was on the cusp of hiring more people. I was starting to write a job description, to hire some coaches. But I was holding back from putting it out there in the world because I had this thought that I’m not good at communicating. That’s not actually true. I just don’t communicate in the way that I was thinking that I should be able to. Because in my mind I had this idea that I should be super responsive and just going back and forth with people every day.

But the truth is it takes me a while to read and respond to things. Sometimes I’m quick, but most of the time I’m not. For example, I currently have 74 unread text messages on my phone. And now I can just accept that I’m not great at reading or responding to them. I can’t tell you the difference this has made. And I will also tell you, right about before I became a birth doula, which is part of my previous career. When you’re a birth doula you basically are glued to a mobile phone 24/7 day and night, sleeping right next to it because people tend to go into labour in the night.

And before I was a birth doula, I didn’t have a mobile phone for three years and it was joyous. You’d basically just get a hold of me when I was in the office because at the time, I worked for someone else. Or you could get me at home on an answer machine. Or if you really wanted to get hold of me you could leave a message for me at my friend’s bar because this is when I lived in New York, and I would go and hang out at my friend’s bar a few nights a week after college or work.

And I would just carry quarters with me to use payphones. I’m going off on a tangent here. But all this to say I’m not someone who’s very available and when I get messages, I tend not to read them. And part of radically accepting myself was to look at all those messages. And that’s just text by the way, not including WhatsApp, or any other forms of communication, and to just accept myself, to love myself anyway.

It’s so funny when people apologise to me for not responding to my message to them because I’m just like, “It was only three days. What’s the hurry?” I’ve got such a different idea about response times. I have since learned that not reading and not replying is quite a common autistic trait. And I do have periods usually in relation to my cycle where I am more responsive and I kind of just go through things and respond to everyone. And I do have some close friends who I send voice notes to back and forth.

So there are times when I am more responsive, and it feels doable and easier. But I’ve just accepted now that this is part of me. I’m open to things changing. There are things that I do want to look at, but it feels so different to do it from acceptance. I don’t make it a problem that there might be a week or so where I’m more on it with communication and this is the difference.

Think about it this way, you can either have the times when you’re super communicative, and responsive, and social as your baseline, therefore when you aren’t communicating like that, you’re below the baseline and you make it a problem. Or you can flip it on its head and make the not particularly responsive time the baseline, and then just have the week where you are more chatty. That’s what I do. And the only reason it would be a problem is if you don’t accept this part of yourself.

And I know some of you are arguing with me in your head and saying, “But Maisie, it is a problem because it affects my partner.” Or it affects someone else in your life. And here’s what I want to say to you if that’s what’s going on. It’s okay if it’s a problem for them. It’s not your responsibility to bend and mould yourself into someone else by making you a problem so that they can then just think other thoughts about you and feel differently. That’s not on you. If it’s a problem for them, it won’t be a problem for you if you accept yourself.

People tell me things about myself all the time. And I used to feel so affected by it, so hurt because I not only believed them, but I believed them that it was a negative thing. That there’s something wrong with me, because I was already feeling shame and disliking these parts of myself. And I’ve beaten myself up so much for that. Other people have had words to say about me. But what they have said does not even compare to what I’ve said about myself to myself.

We spend so much time caring about what other people might think, which is really what you think about yourself anyway. But even if they did think that about you, you’re already thinking those crappy thoughts about yourself. And I guarantee what they are thinking is no worse than your opinion of yourself unless you’ve got a very high opinion of yourself, which is amazing. But that’s not who I’m speaking to today.

And the difference is now when people offer me their thoughts about me I can agree with them and not make it a problem. And just be, “Yeah, it’s true that I do this. It’s true that I don’t do that.” And that’s okay. I’m not going to treat myself like shit over it. And because I accepted myself like this I went on to do some amazing things as part of my project. I wrote new job descriptions for each team role. Ones that were really upfront and honest about what I wanted and who would do well in the roles.

I was really explicit in wanting people to apply who are self-sufficient and don’t need me to micromanage them. Because I am great at communicating but hiring someone who needs or wants me to be in really frequent contact with them just wouldn’t be a good fit. I also created a user manual for myself to share with the team. I’m so proud of it. I’ve been showing it off to someone the other day. Because in it I talk about my communication preferences and that I might take a while to reply. And I actually created an SOP for that.

So if you don’t know, an SOP is a standard operating procedure. And we have a load of them in the business. And it’s basically the process, the procedure that you follow in order to carry out a task. So I made one for when I don’t reply. So this really is flipping it on its head because I went from it being a problem, to accepting that it’s going to happen to the degree that I actually created a document with a procedure for the people I work with. And it was just so liberating to do this. It was really fun to just accept this part of me so much that I created an SOP.

But again, I didn’t create an SOP because it’s a problem. It’s just helpful for me and therefore I assume helpful for everyone else as well. And that also meant then creating the opportunity for other people to do the same thing if they want to. They don’t have to. But to consider everyone’s working style, their preferences, their needs. And this is what my version of business paradise looks like.

So to finish up, what I’m telling you today is don’t make yourself a problem. Don’t make the parts of you that maybe you’ve had a pretty crappy relationship with, don’t keep making them a problem. This is an opportunity to reframe your relationship with these parts of you. You don’t have to love them, but just accept them, whatever it is. So that’s your homework if you want to take it. Because I have to tell you as I sit here and share this with you, just the level of love and high regard that I have for myself now is so, so different.

And that does mean that how I show up, whether it’s with my team, with my friends, with my partner, with my family, it’s all very different and it’s a great place to be. So I wanted to share some of that with you today. That’s it, I’m just over here smiling and loving on myself. Okay, so that’s it folks. I will see you next time.

Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of the Period Power podcast. If you enjoyed learning how to make your cycle work for you, head over to maisiehill.com for more Period Power.