If you are in the horrors with menstrual cycle issues or you want to learn how to harness your hormones, then you are in the right place.

Welcome to the Period Power podcast. I’m your host Maisie Hill menstrual health expert, acupuncturist, certified life coach and author of Period Power. I’m on a mission to help you get your cycle working for you so that you can use it to get what you want out of life. Are you ready? Let’s go.

Hello, folks, how’s it going today? I am really enjoying it being February, it really does feel like spring is on its way. I may be saying that too soon. And it is absolutely freezing here in Margate today I will say, but the sky is blue. There’s no clouds. The sun is shining. And for me it feels like that moment in the cycle or at least my cycle, maybe not yours, where I’m still bleeding, still have my period so I’m in the winter season of my cycle but I feel oestrogen starting to do her thing.

I feel the hormones starting to come back in. And it’s like my whole system gets plugged back in again. And that’s what it feels like when I take a look at the world around me. There’s buds that are starting to appear on the shrubs and the trees. But if you weren’t looking closely, you’d miss them. The same way, if you’re not paying attention to your cycle, you might not be aware of what’s going on. And the fallen leaves from autumn are still on the ground. But if you focus on them and look among them you might start to see the tips of shoots are starting to emerge from them.

And I just think it’s so amazing how the leaves from the autumn protect over the winter as well as the growth that they kind of provide for new shoots to emerge in the spring. I love how that works out. And I feel like I’m emerging too. I’m not sure what I’m emerging from. I don’t feel like I’ve been anywhere, but I just feel like I’m emerging which is very springtime vibes. The past couple of weeks I’ve been taking massive action, particularly in my working life and it’s just been all systems go.

And I’m excited to talk more about that soon but part of that is that I made a spur of the moment decision to host a party. And you’re invited because it’s a workshop that I’ve created. It’s going to be incredibly helpful, if you’ve ever found yourself wanting to do less but feeling stuck or confused about how on earth you can actually do that. So usually I do these kinds of things inside The Flow Collective but this time I’m making it publicly available.

So the focus of the workshop is all about doing less. If you’re someone who is busy, if you find yourself rushing around a lot, if you have multiple roles and responsibilities in your life. And if you’re doing a lot of things that other people need or expect you to do, or you expect yourself to do, if you’re feeling resentful, and exhausted, and stressed then make sure you sign up. I know so many of you struggle with this. You want to do less. Your body’s probably hoping and praying that you will do less but at the same time you just have no clue how to actually do less.

So that’s exactly what we’re going to be getting into during the workshop. And this is a process that any of you can use in your life, whatever your situation is. It’s got nothing to do with hiring help. It’s totally an option that’s available perhaps for you but that’s not the focus of what we’ll be doing. What I’m going to teach you will be highly applicable to your personal and professional life. And it’s also not dependent on you having a cycle. So you can definitely bring it in to how you work with your cycle, but you don’t need to have a cycle to benefit from what I’m going to be sharing.

And this is stuff that I haven’t taught before, so you won’t find it in my books, or on the podcast, or anywhere else. And it’s happening, these are the details, on Monday, February 21st at 7:00pm UK time. It’ll take place on Zoom and if you sign up, you’ll also get access to the replay for seven days as well as the workbook that accompanies the session. And the best part of all of this is that the workshop is only £7. So just use the link in the show notes to sign up and I shall see you on the 21st.

And by the way, those of you who are members of The Flow Collective, you’ll receive an invitation to the workshop as well as access to the replay beyond those seven days as part of your membership. So you don’t need to sign up. You’ll already get access.

Okay, today I’m talking about values. And I love to think about and work with values. So today I’m going to sell you on why you should do this too if you’re not already. But the long and short of it is that they make life a lot simpler. So I took a look at the values in my business for my business last year. And I came up with the values that are most important to me as a business owner, especially considering the culture that I want to create, whether it’s amongst my team, which is growing, or for our clients in our community.

And those values filter all the way through to what I discuss here on the podcast as well. They’re the backbone of everything. But this episode isn’t solely relevant to those of you who are business owners. You don’t need to be a business owner to use this episode. You can use this in your work if you are employed but you can also use it in your relationships, whether they’re romantic friendships. You can also use it in your parenting too, your relationship with yourself. They’re just helpful all around.

So this is one of those episodes where I really invite you to do what I’m suggesting as we go through it. And with that in mind, there is a worksheet that accompanies the episode. If you’re already on my email list, you’ll get it automatically. It’ll already be in your inbox. If you’re not on my list then just use the link in the show notes, go to the podcast episode on my website and there’s a form where you can pop your details in, and we’ll send it to you. You can either print it out or fill it in via a screen, it will be fillable.

And if you want to pause me whilst you reflect and answer the questions that I’m going to pose to you towards the end, of course you can do that. You don’t need to rush your way through this. It’s worth taking the time to reflect and answer. And it might be something that you return to in the future.

Okay, so let’s get clear on what values mean and what they are. The dictionary describes them as the principles that help you to decide what is right and wrong and how to act in various situations. And I think of them as what you believe is important in the way that you live, in the way that you work. And you can use them to stay focused on what’s important to you and to return to what’s important to you. And you can also use them when you think about what you want more of in your life.

Values are what define us. They have a strong influence on our behaviour, have a very strong influence on our behaviour and our emotional state as well I would say, especially when we’re kind of in conflict with our values in some way. And that’s why I want to talk to you about them today. This is an opportunity for them to influence you more intentionally. And as I was mulling over this episode and what I was going to talk about I was thinking about why values are so important to me. And I think, if you haven’t got an idea already you will get that as we go on.

But also, I suddenly remembered this session that I did with a practitioner. And I think it was before I had Nelson, and before I was ever pregnant. So it must have been about eight years ago, something along those lines. And I don’t know how to describe the woman or what she does. But her name was Sarah Livesey I think, and we did this archetype session together. And archetypes go way back to Pluto. And the psychologist Carl Jung developed them further in his lifetime.

And the premise of the session that I did is basically that we all have these four core archetypes in our personality. And then there’s another eight that we tend to have which vary from person to person. And in my session with Sarah we found those archetypes and then she also placed them in each of the astrological houses. I hope I have explained that correctly. Anyway it was a very cool session, it was a very impactful session and it stayed with me. So the four archetypes we all have are the victim, the child, the saboteur, and the prostitute.

And it turns out that I have the prostitute in my first astrological house. I can’t really explain what that means to you but let’s just go with it. But the prostitute archetype is all about being in integrity and the sale or negotiation of one’s integrity or spirit due to fears of physical and financial survival, or for financial gain. So it’s really significant. My understanding is whatever you have in your first house is really significant in terms of your personality, who you are, how you go about things.

And when she told me this it just rung so true for me. I was in complete agreement with what she described because she said that I can’t be bought. And I can think back to times when I’ve had opportunities that would have been helpful financially to me and I’ve said no to things. So a couple of years ago I could have done with a bit of cash. If you’ve listened to the episode that I did with my friend, Vicky Louise, we spoke about the toilet situation we were in and not being able to afford to get a new one and have it installed.

So don’t get me wrong, we could pay our bills, but it was month to month. And at this time a large company reached out for me to do a sponsored post for them on Instagram, one where they’d pay me to make a video and do some posts. And they wanted to know how much I’d charge for doing that. And I told them a four-figure sum. And I was just expecting them to say no, but they said yes.

And when I say I could have done with the cash, I really could have. It would have been good to have the money in the business because that was a time when I was getting failed payments every month. And I was just kind of putting everything into the membership and not paying myself etc, etc. But I just couldn’t bring myself to because the company’s history just wasn’t in line with my values. And that made it quite straightforward, I wouldn’t say easy, it made it easier to make that decision.

And my company as I mentioned has a list of values and they’re actually statements about who we are and how we do things. And we use them in all sorts of ways. We hire according to them. So every time we go to hire someone the first thing we do is filter all of the applications according to how in line they are with our values. And I can’t tell you how easy this makes it.

First of all, it stops me from getting personally attached to certain candidates, especially if I have a bit of a bias towards them in some way. Because if they don’t meet the standard, we have that’s based on our values then we don’t continue to review their application. And when we’re hiring someone the way we’ve been doing it is that my friend and colleague, Mars, goes through the applications with me as well as doing the interviews together. And so far, we’ve had very similar shortlists, they’re 95% the same.

And I’ve been thinking about that and why that is the case. And of course she knows me. She knows my business. She knows my clients all very well and she’s fabulous. So she has a strong sense of what we’re looking for and who would be a good fit. But I also think it’s because I’m really clear on our values and having that focus makes it a lot simpler to go through the hiring process. And values also influence how we spend our money, where we spend our money.

My business expenses are now multiple six figures. So you’d best believe I am judicious in where that money goes. I want that money to go to people and companies that I believe in. And we’ve stopped using pieces of software and made decisions about the tech that we use based on that company’s values. They also influence our day-to-day and the big picture. So I’m very creative.

I come up with lots of ideas and sometimes we’ll go to take action on one of them and implement them and put it on the table for something that we’re going to do. But then I stop and realise that to do so would be in conflict with one of our core values which is that we do epic shit without burning ourselves out. And sometimes I want to put something into action which is going to add a bit too much to everyone’s plate, especially mine, so we take it off.

And we focus on results and kind of what we’re wanting for our clients and what we’re wanting for us rather than kind of getting caught up in what we want to do, should be doing etc, etc. And that’s actually one of our other values is that we are results focused. So I’m going to give you some ways that I work with values in addition to what I’ve already covered and suggestions of how you can too. So they will influence your relationship with yourself and your relationships with others.

When I was doing relationship coaching with the fabulous Maggie Reyes in her group programme she asked us to come up with our core values in our relationship. And one of mine is light-heartedness and using humour. And that’s been really helpful because now I think about how I can bring that value in an intentional way into my relationships, whether it’s with Paul, whether it’s with Nelson, my friends, even in my coaching I would say. And just to bring some light-heartedness in.

And I think that’s so valuable especially I would say my relationships with both my clients when I’m coaching them because often we’re coaching on topics that can be traditionally heavy. And it’s not that I use humour in an inappropriate way, but I think bringing in some light-heartedness where it’s appropriate just helps to approach these topics in a different way and it makes them more accessible to us.

And it’s the same in my relationship with Paul, things that would have been quite hard and just challenging, being able to laugh about things, being able to laugh at myself especially makes it so much easier to be in connection, and communication, and in the relationship with him. You can also use values to make decisions. This is one of my favourite ways to use values because they’re a quick filter. And literally such a great hack for preventing decision fatigue. So you know when your brain can get a bit tired of making decisions, that’s decision fatigue.

And when you use values as a filter for making decisions you don’t have to get as involved with discussing those decisions. It will make your life so much easier. There are big decisions that I’ve been able to make so quickly simply by returning to my values. And I will be sharing what those are. They are coming. But they impact the plans that you make for the same reason as they do in terms of how you’re going about things.

And I will say, one word of caution here is that sometimes my clients will not set a particular goal because they have a belief that in order to achieve that goal it will mean they have to burn themselves out, they have to do so much. And I just would be cautious around that because how you meet a goal doesn’t mean you have to burn yourself out, work exceptionally hard. Sometimes it is just about changing your mindset and how you approach things. So just be on the lookout for that.

But in terms of how you’re doing things, let’s say you’ve made a plan and you start implementing it and it starts to feel like you’ve lost your way with things somehow. Or it’s not progressing in the way you wanted or it’s just feeling off somehow. You can return to your values and see if how you’re going about doing things is congruent with your values because you may start, often it’s in line with your values and then some way along the way things kind of get a bit off course. So it’s a good moment to pause and return to your values.

You can also look at your calendar and see if that’s in line with your values. Are you spending your time in ways that are congruent with your values? For instance, if you value connection with loved ones or your friendships, is there space for personal relationships in your calendar or is it just filled with work? Are you spending time with your loved ones? Are you available to spend time with them or would you have to say, “Come back to me in three months’ time, we can hang out then?”

Likewise, knowing and returning to your values also comes into play when you’re deciding what to prioritise because you do what you value. For me it’s important that as a family we come together at dinnertime, that we eat together, that screens go away and the three of us connect over dinner. And I just want to be very clear with you all, that doesn’t mean we’re all sat down picture perfect. Don’t be coming up with this romanticised idea of what my family life is like.

Nelson likes and needs to move around a lot so he’s kind of up and down from the table, sometimes we’re joking around. But sometimes someone has something going on that means interacting and being together requires some effort and patience. And a quick tip for you in case it helps, this has changed our dinnertime so much. When we’re having dinner together, we play Uno or a game of some kind. And it’s revolutionised our dinners together. And sometimes, I want to add, I’m just not up for being around other people while they eat so I don’t.

There are points in my cycle where I’m acutely aware of the noises other people make when they’re eating, even when they have their mouth closed and they’re eating in a very civilised manner, even when my nervous system is very regulated. So I don’t make myself sit through that. Anyway, I’ve gone a bit off track there. But I mention eating dinner and no screens because if I were to have my phone at the table, or if I was glancing over at it, or actively checking it that wouldn’t be congruent with my values.

It would also make it so much harder to ask Nelson to turn the screen and to come and eat. That would feel off to me and I’m sure it would feel off to him as well. And this also extends into the request that I might make of others. So if Paul were to pull out his phone at the table, I might make a request that if he’s going to use his phone that he leaves the room to do it. And I usually leave my phone in another room when we eat so that I’m not even tempted to.

There’s actually, I just want to add in this amazing term called biological rudeness that I heard about through Deb Dana who is the queen of all things polyvagal. And that’s when you’re with someone and the connection to them is momentarily disrupted when they or you check your watch or your phone, or when a movement catches your eye when you’re connecting with someone else, and you look elsewhere. Isn’t that the best term, biological rudeness? I love it. My brain was very pleased when I heard her talking about it.

So I say all this to mention and kind of just really drive it home that values influence the micro decisions that you’re making throughout your day and those all add up. And your values may also change over time. I’ve actually got, and I cringe as I say this, I have two values tattooed on me. I got them done in my early 20s, one circles each wrist. One says passion and one says honesty. But although I cringe about them a bit, they do still hold true.

I wouldn’t say they’re my most dominant values, but I think anyone who knows me and if you listen to this podcast, if you know of my work I think they’re in line with who I am and how I show up in the world. They’re still relevant.

Okay, I have some questions for you. Remember, there’s a worksheet for this, you can pause, you can write things down as I’m going through, however you want to work with them. So first of all think of times in your life where what you were doing felt in alignment with who you are. What was going on and what values were you honouring in these situations? And then conversely, think about times in your life where you experienced inner conflict, maybe you felt stuck, trapped, perhaps fearful of going against the grain in some way. What were you feeling when this was going on?

What value were you suppressing? Or what value was being activated in that moment? Okay, then when you’ve done that, you want to find the common themes among these. So find as many examples as you can. And then find the values that are coming through in them. To begin with I recommend that you do this without consulting a list. I have provided a list in the PDF worksheet that you can refer to. But it’s worthwhile trying to do it without using the list first. And there may be a few that are really obvious to you, or you might start out with 10.

You might be someone who kind of has lots, understandably, that makes sense. That’s kind of how I did this. And then you want to boil it down. So if you start out with 10 then have those 10 battle it out with each other until you’re left with five core values, or it can be less. There’s no kind of right amount. And then once you’ve got them, list the ways in which you are already in alignment with these values. What are the things that you do or don’t do because of these values? Find as many examples of this as you can.

And then once you’ve done that are there any parts of your life that feel out of alignment with your values or where your values are being compromised somehow? And how does it feel in your body to acknowledge this? Then in what ways would it serve you to lean into your values more? How could you turn the dial up a bit on those values that you found? So you can consider specific situations, relationships, things in your day-to-day. And how would you feel in your body if you did this, if you turned up the dial on those values, what would it feel like in your body?

And then finally, I recommend that you turn the values that you found into statements. This tends to just bring them to life a bit more. And I’m going to read out my company’s values, the ones that they are currently to give you a sense of what this can look like and what it sounds like. But you can also Google companies’ values and you’ll find loads of articles about them.

Okay, so here’s my company’s values. We are results oriented. We’re always thinking about client results and helping our clients to succeed. We love overdelivering for our clients and always give them more value than what they pay for. We are responsible and resourceful. We are capable of finding solutions because we are powerful problem solvers who refuse to be confused. We take responsibility for ourselves and manage our own minds.

We value, respect, and support all types of diversity across all identities, including, but not limited to ethnicity, race, gender, LGBTQ+, age, religion, neurodiversity, and abilities. We help each other to thrive. We show up as real, vulnerable, transparent human beings who speak from the heart, value others’ contributions, and invest in each other’s growth. We do epic shit without burning ourselves out. We believe that rest is radical and that we get more done by slowing down. We expect you to work when you are at work and be off when you are off.

And we like to have a laugh, we don’t complain, and we take the time to celebrate the big and the small. I don’t actually like kind of qualifying things or quantifying them, whichever the more appropriate term is, in terms of big and small, and that’s something we talk about a lot in The Flow Collective community is that we celebrate everything. We never want to minimise our celebrations or wins, they all count.

So there you go, that’s my take on values. I hope you found it helpful and be sure to head over to Instagram to let me know how this episode landed with you and what your values are. I can’t wait to hear all about them, and I’ll catch you next week.

Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of the Period Power podcast. If you enjoyed learning how to make your cycle work for you, head over to maisiehill.com for more.