This is episode 259. I hope you are having a fantastic holiday season, whatever you’re up to, and I’m really thrilled to be able to share this story with you over the holiday season because this episode is part of a special end-of-year series where I’m celebrating my clients and the remarkable things that they have created for themselves in 2025. Because I really wanted to close out the year by highlighting their stories, because hearing what’s possible from real people can often unlock something in you that’s far more powerful than just hearing about me and my life.

And today is going to be such a good one for you to listen to because I’m having a conversation with my client Pamela, who joined Powerful six months ago and has experienced such an incredible amount of growth in such a short space of time.

We had a really fun conversation about what happens when you decide to bet on yourself, not just by joining something, you know, not just like signing up and joining the membership, but like really signing up inside yourself and showing up fully to the experience in the way that works for you and whatever’s going on in your life. And this is just such a good example of what that is like. I just cannot wait for you to hear this conversation.

And as we head into the new year, this is exactly the kind of energy that we are going to be working with inside Design Your Decade, which is my three-day goal-setting intensive that is happening on January 2nd, 3rd, and 4th at 1 p.m. UK time each day. The calls are going to be 60 to 90 minutes long, and the recordings are going to be available.

So, if you’re listening to this, if you hear Pamela’s story and it just sparks something inside of you, make sure you sign up. The link is in the show notes, or you can just head to maisiehill.com/designyourdecade.

Okay, let’s get into this because I cannot wait for you to hear this one.

If you want to do things differently but need some help making it happen, then tune in for your weekly dose of coaching from me, Maisie Hill, Master Life Coach and author of Period Power. Welcome to The Maisie Hill Experience. 

Maisie: All right, welcome to another podcast episode, continuing our series where I’m interviewing some of my clients from the membership who have been celebrating various wins and successes in their life.

And I just wanted to finish the year off by really taking a moment to acknowledge and celebrate those wins with them, and also to explore how they’ve created all these results because I know that everyone listening to the podcast is going to want to know, well, I’m thrilled for you. That sounds fantastic. How do I make that happen in my own life? So I just really wanted to take some time to ask the people involved in the membership how they’ve done it.

So, welcome to the podcast, Pamela. It’s great to have you here.

Pamela: Thank you for having me. I love to be here.

Maisie: I know, I’m so excited for this conversation. So why don’t you go ahead and introduce yourself, share your pronouns, and a little bit about you or what you do.

Pamela: So, my name is Pamela. My pronouns are she/her. I’m from Italy originally, where I lived the first twenty-two years of my life, and then I moved to London. And thirty years later, or nearly thirty years later, I’m still in London. I’ve done various jobs. I was a translator for many years, and in the past nine years, I’ve been working in the charity sector in different roles. Currently, I’m a family support and mediator.

Maisie: Wow. I love it when I get to know more about people, and like these little nuances and aspects of your life that I don’t necessarily know, given, you know, everyone that we have inside the membership. Okay. And am I right in thinking that you joined the membership this year?

Pamela: Yeah, June this year.

Maisie: Okay. What made you decide to jump on in?

Pamela: So, I have been following your podcast for like years, and actually, it’s about three years, maybe a bit more, and I think there was an opening previous to that, maybe two years ago, and I was like, but I didn’t join then. I think I was part-time, and maybe my mindset wasn’t ready for it, but I kept listening to it, and it was very helpful. And I thought it might be really helpful to be inside. And when you’re opening up again, I just felt it. I was like, this is the time. I’m going to do it. It’s like, yes, I’ll do it. I don’t know. I just felt it was the right time, and I’m really happy that I did.

Maisie: Oh, great. Well, I’m thrilled that you did as well. What was the difference for you, do you think, in terms of the mindset when you didn’t sign up compared to the mindset where you did sign up? What had shifted for you? 

Pamela: I think maybe through listening to the podcast, I was more open to investing in myself because for me to spend money for something for my well-being was not something I would consider. It’s not that I didn’t spend anything on me. I mean, I like travelling, so I would spend on travelling, I would see friends, but to do something like that was like, no, come on, you know, why? It’s almost like I’m not worth the money kind of thing, but on this time, I’m like, you know what? I think I’m worth it. I’m going to give it a go. You know?

Maisie: Oh, I love that you got to that place inside yourself because that’s amazing. And you know, I’m sure from you being in the membership, you will have seen other people discussing this, that actually the act of signing up and joining is such a moment of transformation for them because of the exact things that you’ve mentioned.

And I think when I started doing this work and when I created the membership, I don’t think I ever expected that to be such a big factor in why someone signs up or why they delay. And like, because often people will say they really wanted to, but they didn’t feel they were worth it. Like, ultimately, that’s, you know, whatever other things are there, that’s what’s underneath it. And so I just really celebrate you for getting to that because you could have not got to that point and not signed up, and you would have been trapped in that thought of I’m not worth it, which would have huge impact on lots of areas of your life. So, congratulations.

Pamela: Thank you. Thank you. It’s really empowering. Just joining is very empowering in itself. Yeah.

Maisie: Well, thinking about the time before you joined, what was your inner voice like? Because I know a lot of the work you’ve done since joining has been about rewiring your inner voice and especially with that focus that we had over the summer as a community on doing that. So I’d love to get a sense of how you spoke to yourself in the past.

Pamela: Yes, the inner voice has always been with me and it’s always about being not, me not being enough in something like you’re not pretty enough, you’re not smart enough, you’re not brave enough. A big one that I had to work on was it was always telling me I’m lazy. That’s the one that really prevalent, like you’re lazy, you’re this and that. And yeah, it, I feel like it held me back in many things because it was telling me like, nah, it’s not point trying doing that. You’re not going to succeed, you know. It has, I think, it has affected my life in more ways than I can think of.

Maisie: Yeah, I imagine so. And so how did that impact your self-worth at that time in your life? 

Pamela: Yeah, I mean, when you have someone, even if it’s just a voice telling you that you’re not enough on anything, then your self-worth isn’t going to be very good, is it? You know, and mine wasn’t, it’s never been really.

Maisie: How do you think that impacted like your personal or professional relationships or your working life?

Pamela: Yes, I kind of always, I did my work, but I always, I never really want to take centre stage on anything. It was always like, you know, at the back, doing my work, you know, making myself smaller.

Maisie: I mean, that’s the thing. It makes your life smaller and like not wanting to be seen. And I see this so often where, like, all these women and people like just have these fantastic minds. They’ve got so much to offer, like they really are excellent at what they do. But when you’re unable to see that in yourself or you think that, that you’re not good enough, that you’re not smart enough, then no one gets to see that brilliance. No one gets to benefit from it. And you know, it just chips away and it’s really weighty to live with that.

Pamela: Yeah, it is.

Maisie: Yeah. So, was there a particular moment or situation or pattern that you were in that made you realise that something needed to shift?

Pamela: I can’t think of a particular thing, but I kind of noticed. I always have good self-awareness, so that’s a good thing, and I know when I am not happy, something is, it’s not the life that I want. I know I can do so much more, and I just, I felt stuck. I guess the feeling is like, you know, I have a life. It’s not bad, you know, I have nice people in my life. I have a job. I like London, but there is more to it, and I’m just not getting there. And why not? You know, what’s stopping me? That I guess that’s a general feeling of, you know, I want more.

Maisie: Yeah, want more. I love that. Okay, so you joined the membership, and then I think it was pretty soon after you joined that we did that Rewiring Your Inner Voice Power Class. And I remember saying to everyone, because of course, it was the start of the summer, and our tradition in the membership is that at the start of every season, all of the members are invited to set a goal of some kind that’s going to be your focus for the three months of that season. And I know that sometimes when new people join, like there’s so much to get involved with and so many options that are there.

So I remember saying on that Power Class, you know, if you’ve just joined and you haven’t got a goal in mind, then make rewiring your inner voice your goal for summer. So did you just decide to take my advice or was there something else that clicked for you in that workshop that made you choose and commit to that?

Pamela: Well, it was both. Like, obviously, it was nice to have a starting point. Like you say, you’re new, you’re not sure. There were a lot of things that I could have chosen, but that workshop was so transformative for me. And so I’ve got to give this a go.

And I remember one specific thing that you said that I was like, wow. And it was when you said that, you know, if your inner voice is like alerting you, there’s a fire, and if you tell, if you ignore it, it’s going to shout even louder. There’s a fire, you know, so listen to me.

And it really resonated with me because my attempts in the past of dealing with my inner voice was like trying to shove it away. Like, shut up, you know, it’s not true that I am not enough. Go away. What do you want? And it always came back, and it was like, no, I’m telling you, listen to me.

And that really clicked, and I thought, okay, there is another way. It doesn’t have to be like either you believe everything it says or you just try and push it away and it doesn’t work. And I was like, okay, no, I definitely need to go into this and do the work.

Maisie: Yeah, it’s so interesting, isn’t it? Because the voices of our inner critics and the various personalities they have, the ways of showing up, how they communicate, they’re like having different people in your life. And some people do need to be told, I’m not going to listen to you when you say that. Absolutely, I’m not having it. And then there’s other people, that kind of communication isn’t going to work. And actually, they need to be heard, and we need to respond to them in a different way.

So it’s really about building that toolkit of different ways of being in communication and being in relationship with our inner critics and accessing our inner mentors and the voices of the boardroom that I’ve spoken about previously on the podcast, and really just looking at the different archetypes of the inner critics and using that as a way to inform how you’re going to respond to them specifically.

Pamela: Yeah, exactly. And I think I’m the second type. I need to talk to it. I just can’t just, you know, say go away. I’ll have to listen, let’s talk, let’s sit down, have a chat. Let’s talk about what you’ve just said. Explore it.

Maisie: Yeah. It’s lovely. It’s so mature and responsive, and I think what I’m really hearing is you developing a loving and respectful relationship with these different parts of yourself because you’re actually saying, I’m going to listen to you. What is it you’ve got to say? And really, in doing that, you’re not shaming or making any part of yourself a problem, which is just so incredible.

Pamela: Yeah, I’m not angry at it anymore because I used to be so angry at my voice, and now I’m not angry. I think that ultimately, they actually trying to help me with something. Obviously, they damaged me, but that’s not the intention behind it. That’s how I see it now. It’s more like it’s telling me something, so let’s listen to it. Let’s see what it’s got to say, and you know, and we’ll go from there.

Maisie: Love it. Okay. So how did you start putting that teaching into practice in your day-to-day life?

Pamela: So you gave us this worksheet, so I, you know, I did work through it and I did fill it in religiously every day for a month, which is for me is a big commitment because I’m usually, I don’t really, I’m not as consistent usually, but that is a testament of how much I how invested I was in it. I really did it every day, and then just you know, following what the teaching from the workshop so kind of the inner critic comes up. I notice it. Okay, what kind of the archetypes that you gave us, they were really fun, I think.

And yeah, so what are who are you? What is it that you’re trying to say to me? What is why are you here? And yeah, and from there I developed this dialogue, and then yeah, one day I realised what I’ve just said that, okay, it’s not the enemy. It’s something that I need to take into account. And we started with dialogue, and I also, a lot of the time, I ask for evidence about what they say because you know, 99% of the time, there is zero evidence that what they say is true. You know?

Maisie: Yeah, I mean, that comes up a lot in coaching conversations in the membership as well. Like someone will offer a thought that’s clearly coming from one of their inner critics, and then, you know, we start asking for evidence of that, and lo and behold, there isn’t any.

And then usually what happens, once we’ve explored it, is suddenly, you know, whoever I’m coaching will be like, well, and actually, and then suddenly they refer to this massive pile of evidence that proves that actually they’re very successful. People really trust them. They’re great at making decisions. They’re, you know, great at showing leadership. But they’ve just been ignoring this pile of evidence.

I was coaching someone recently, and they were suddenly like, oh, well, I have got 50 Trustpilot reviews talking about how my business is really fantastic.

Pamela: Yeah, I think I saw that.

Maisie: Yeah, I was like, right. But meanwhile, you’re in a critic is busy telling you that you’re not good at what you do and all of those other things. So it’s really important to ask for the evidence.

Pamela: Yeah, no. It’s really good. I like it. I actually have fun now talking to it. So when it comes up, I’m like, okay, that’s fun. Let’s do that.

Maisie: Oh my gosh. That’s amazing. How does it feel for you to get to that place?

Pamela: I’m amazed, and I didn’t because I’ve got there quite quickly, like, you know, I don’t know.

Maisie: Oh, that’s so much fun.

Pamela: Yeah, I didn’t, I thought it was going to take me a lifetime to do that because it’s been a lifetime of struggling with it, but actually within a month, I had this developed this really much better relationship, and that continues. It’s still there. I mean, it’s not that it disappeared, but it’s just how I react to it that has changed.

Maisie: That’s so fun. And I want you all to just take that on board that you can change things in your life really quickly. Some goals can happen really quickly, some can take longer, you know, but I think it’s just really worthwhile remembering and using this fabulous example that you’re giving us that things can turn around really quickly. But I’m also hearing, you know, just how invested you were in yourself.

Pamela: Yes.

Maisie: How committed you were to the process and just really getting involved with it.

Pamela: Yeah, definitely.

Maisie: Amazing. Was there a moment in this process where you just really noticed yourself responding in a new way that was maybe impossible before?

Pamela: Yeah, for example, when I, we’ll come to maybe to it later, but I did do a coaching course. And when I started it and I met all the wonderful people in the course, and everybody was so emotionally intelligent and articulate and I was very impressed. And then my inner critic went like, oh, everybody’s going to be better at this than you. And I’m like, okay. I pushed aside for a minute because I have to focus on my course. We’ll revisit it.

So after, I’m like, okay, what was that about? And that’s when I tried to look at the evidence. I say, show me the evidence because we, I don’t know any of these people. First of all, even if they were, I mean, that’s not my business, my journey, it’s not their journey, but in that case, it wasn’t even that. It was like, where did it come from? You know, why would you think that everyone else is better and I’m not good? Like, let’s talk and show me. And there was nothing to show because I don’t know these people. So how can I say they’re better than me or something if I don’t know any of them? I mean, they are clearly, it was clear that had emotional intelligence, but so do I. So.

Maisie: Yeah, I think it’s that positioning of someone being better than you in a way that makes you deficient or, you know, not good enough. Which is very different to I think the place that you coach yourself into, which is then seeing the fullness of you and the strengths of you and how fantastic you are, which also leaves space for other people to be fantastic at the things that they do. 

Pamela: Yeah, of course. It doesn’t mean that the other aren’t good, and maybe they are better than me. I don’t know, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is that he said something that has no foundation. And then I can’t trying to explore why was he saying, and I think it was protecting me from potential disappointment if I turn out not to be good, you know, if I say to yourself, oh, you’re not good, everyone’s better, then if I turn out not to be good, then I’ve already prepared.

But I think it’s trying to protect the version of myself that was when I was a child or a teenager because I was very sensitive and I really took these things seriously. So what I’ve been discussing with my critic is like, I’m not that person anymore. And I can take disappointment in a very different way now. So I’m not scared of disappointment the way I was, so there’s no need for you to do this to me.

Maisie: Wow. How incredible. And what’s changed with your relationship with disappointment? 

Pamela: Yeah, I guess it’s something that, you know, when you are more experienced and you have had disappointments in life that it’s fine, you know, you get on and sometimes you learn from it.

Maisie: Yeah. Yeah, I mean disappointment is just a feeling. And there’s disappointments in life. 

Pamela: Yeah. Yeah, it’s like I mean, I’m 51, I’ve had my share of disappointments. I’m still here, still smiling. So, but when I was a child, it was really hurt me.

Maisie: So you’re working through all of that.

Pamela: Yeah.

Maisie: So your relationship with your inner voice has really shifted now. What’s different about how you express yourself or how you show up in conversations, your relationships, or professional settings?

Pamela: So one thing I’ve noticed is I used to say a lot about, oh, I’m bad at this and bad at that. I’m crap and this and that. Well, now I phrase it differently. So it’s true there are certain things that I, you know, they’re not my strongest point, but I’d be like, oh, I haven’t mastered this yet or it’s not my strongest suit. I need it’s an area that needs development. I express myself in that way rather than just saying I’m bad at this thing. So that’s definitely a change in the way I express myself.

But also, I take more space. So, for example, I have noticed when we have like meetings or trainings where, you know, you’re supposed, they ask you to kind of intervene, ask questions. I never really, I never did that. I only spoke when I was asked to speak, like if we get Pamela speak, then I will speak, but otherwise I’d never. And now I do it a lot more.

There was one team meeting where I would be like asking questions all the time, and my manager was like, oh, here is Pamela again asking questions because I was like nonstop. And it’s not like I decided, it’s not like I woke up and I said, oh, today I want to do it. It just came naturally to me, and I was like, there’s got to be a relation between this and the work that I’ve done.

Maisie: Yeah, I would agree with that. And I think it’s just a good example of how when you do this inner work, it’s inevitable that it’s going to show up in terms of how you are in your world and the different environments and relationships and communities that you’re a part of. Like there’s going to be a difference and people will notice that difference as well. It sounds like your boss is like, oh, right, welcome, great to have you here with us, you know? And how amazing to have that response as well.

Pamela: Yeah, yeah. 

Maisie: Wow. So, what has valuing yourself in this way opened up for you?

Pamela: I’m open to do more new things including, you know, I have enrolled in this coaching course, not knowing. I had no coaching, well apart from, you know, the membership, I didn’t have any background. I didn’t really know about if I would like it, if I would be good at it, but I just went for it. I don’t think that would have been possible.

And generally, I am also more confident about expressing my needs, even if they are different from someone else’s needs. That’s a big thing for me. I’ve always, you know, if we want different things, I’ve always been, okay, we’ll do what you want. But now I’m like, actually, I don’t want this. So can we talk and maybe find something that works for both of us, you know? 

Maisie: What’s helped you to navigate that?

Pamela: I think probably through the inner voice work and generally being in the membership and all the, you know, the positivity that comes from me and my self-worth has increased for sure. And I just feel like, yeah, I’m just as good as anyone else. There’s no reason why I should put myself second. And I’ve done it all my life. This is a huge thing for me.

Maisie: Yeah. That’s why I’m asking you about it because I know it’s a huge thing for you, but I also know it’s a huge thing for most of the people listening, this tendency to put ourselves second or find all sorts of reasons why what we want or need doesn’t matter or doesn’t count as much as what other people are needing. And so that’s why I wanted to investigate it a little bit further with you, so that everyone can benefit from it. It’s a big shift to get to that place. 

Pamela: Very big shift. It’s really, it’s still ongoing, I think. I still feel some resistance sometimes, but most of the time, I’ll be like, I’m just, if something inconveniences me, I’ll just be open about it. And that doesn’t mean I can’t compromise, but at least I’m putting it out there and just making them know that, okay, this is not really working for me. Can we do something? Before, I would not have done it, definitely not.

Maisie: I love it. That’s just fantastic. This is what I wish for all of you, just sprinkle some of this around for all of you.

So tell us about the coach training. What influenced your decision to go for that?

Pamela: Obviously, I became interested in it partly through listening to the podcast, and then obviously, the work that has been done and looking at the coaching has been so inspirational. I just thought, wouldn’t that be nice if I could be involved in that. 

nd actually, I have to say, I didn’t, it came to me quite naturally because one of my colleagues had done the course and she recommended it. But then she never spoke about it again, and then she gave me notice she was going to leave. And I thought, no, I’m not going to let this go. Let me ask. So I asked her again, “What is the place that you did?” And tell me about it. Then I look into it. I look at the program. I looked at if there was a course that was compatible with my schedule, because obviously I work full-time. And I found one, and I just enrolled.

Maisie: Just did it.

Pamela: Yeah, I just did it without overthinking it. I’m not going to overthink it. I’m just going to do it. If it works, if not, I know that this isn’t for me.

Maisie: I want to draw attention to how straightforward this is, right? You decided to invest in yourself. You kept investing in yourself in terms of putting in the time, filling in the worksheet. And it’s not that everyone in the membership has to fill in worksheets, but you pick what works for you, and you commit to it.

And you had this idea, “Wouldn’t this be great for me to do this coaching training?” and you did it. And it’s just, life can be that simple. Right? It doesn’t mean that there aren’t going to be challenges in it, or that you have to confront stuff, or experience your feelings, or be in that challenging place of starting to speak up for yourself and really honour your own self-worth. But it can be straightforward. Because this is, we’re recording this towards the end of November. This is June. June, July, August, September, October. 6 months.

Pamela: Yeah, I can’t believe it either that I’ve done so much in 6 months. It’s mind-blowing. I can’t believe how much I’ve achieved in just 6 months.

Maisie: Amazing. So what did you learn about yourself through the coach training process? What stood out to you from it?

Pamela: First of all, my inner critic was wrong. I’m actually not bad at it. That’s one thing I’ve learned. I have learned how sometimes taking risks pays off, because I really enjoyed it. I thought it was brilliant. I was looking forward to it. I didn’t mind the work. Sometimes I had to obviously work, finish my full-time job and work on it, and it was just, I enjoyed it. I didn’t even mind doing that.

I learned how, what a positive impact it has on me to be exposed with a community of like-minded people and how much energy. Because I always say, “Oh, I have low energy. I have low energy,” which sometimes is true, but it’s also because maybe I don’t, the things I’m doing are not nurturing enough. Because when I feel something that nurtures me, the energy comes out. And I had a lot of energy for this. I managed to pass my assessment even though I had a dental infection. So…

Maisie: Oh my gosh.

Pamela: I was just going to say, yeah. So, yeah, that’s how much energy I put into it. So, yeah.

Maisie: But this is the thing, it’s I think sometimes it’s like, “Well, how are we thinking about things? Like, what’s the mindset as we’re doing stuff?” because that for sure is going to show up in your experience of something, as well as the results that you create from it.

But it’s also, as you said, thinking about, well, I can, for me personally, I could spend hours working on something, and it can be intellectually challenging for me to do that work, but I’ll be buzzing by the end of it because it’s just such meaningful work for me to be doing. And even if it’s taken a lot of effort or it’s taken a lot of time or both of those things, then I feel satisfied at the end of it.

Pamela: Yeah, same thing.

Maisie: Yeah. And it’s like spending time doing things, being around people that nourish us, that gives us energy. And of course, you know, it can be a bit of a trade-off sometimes as well. Like sometimes, for instance, I spend time with people that I love hanging out with them, and I feel utterly nourished and energised by it, and I need a bit of recovery time afterwards because that’s just how I am.

Pamela: I know, me too. Me too. I need a lot of me time. Always have and always will, probably. Yeah.

Maisie: Well, I know that you’ve mentioned that you’re going through the perimenopause transition as well, and that some of your work in the membership has been about acknowledging that, supporting yourself through that. So, can you share a little bit about what that has been like for you?

Pamela: Yeah, I mean, I do have a few days per month, 2, 3 days that I’ve, my energy really is very low regardless of what I do. And maybe my mood is not great. And what I find really helpful is the hard day protocol, which you actually talked about in one of your podcasts as well.

Maisie: Yeah. Everyone can listen to that if you haven’t already. We’ll link to it in the show notes, but there is an episode, maybe even 2, I can’t remember, all about that specifically. It’s one of the first things that we ask you all to do when you join the membership is to write your own hard day protocol.

Pamela: Exactly, because I had listened to the episode and I thought it was very interesting, but then I didn’t really do much about it. But then when I joined, and as I said, one of the first things was like do that, and I did it and it’s been really helpful because every time I have those days, I just look, I don’t even have to look, I remember it. I think about the protocol and I do all those things which are very similar to what I used to do before in reality, it’s not like the things I do are different; it’s just how I feel about them that is changed.

Because before, like it’s all about like doing postponing and you know, just chilling and taking getting takeaway, don’t do the cleaning and all of those things that I also didn’t do because I didn’t have the energy, but I’d be like, oh my, I should be doing more, and it’s a waste of a day. You know, why do I feel like this? I don’t want to feel like this. But now I’m like, okay, this is how I feel. What do I need to do to navigate through this?

Maisie: Yeah. So, for those of you who aren’t aware yet, the Hard Day Protocol isn’t the kind of protocol, like self-care protocol, to do when you’re having a tough day. It’s not like, go for a walk outside and, you know, have a hot bath or cook myself a nutritious meal. Like, all of those things are fantastic, but in my experience, when you’re having a really shit day…

Pamela: It’s not going to happen, is it?

Maisie: They’re not the things that we do initially. So the Hard Day Protocol is essentially listing out all the things that you already do when you’re having a tough day, but they become your protocol so you don’t shame yourself for doing them. Right.

So, for example, my hard day protocol would be like, watch Grey’s Anatomy again, right? Have a cheese and crisp sandwich. I’m not making myself this amazing like bean minestrone soup or something like that. That might come later on, but initially, it’s like I’m going to have a cheese and crisp sandwich. I’m going to have like loads of coffee and Coke. I’m going to snap at Paul, my partner. I’m going to do not great parenting with my son. By saying, okay, this is just what I do when I’m having a tough day, we’re just removing all the inner judgment we have about doing all of those things.

And I die with laughter every time people share theirs in the community because they crack me up. There’s like one of the examples that someone gave was like, say, what was it? It was something like, say nothing to everyone that I meet outside. So, like when they go when they’re out and about, they’re just going to ignore everyone or like there’s a lot of dog-specific stuff as well that people share and…

Pamela: Yeah, yeah, I agree. They’re funny. Some of them are really hilarious.

Maisie: It’s just nice to be able to have a laugh about this together and for people to see, oh, it’s not just me. Because usually what we do when we’re busy shaming ourselves is think everyone else can do it this. It’s only me who is eating crap food, being mean to other people, and ignoring all my work, and, you know, everyone else can function. What’s wrong with me? So we’re just removing that step.

Pamela: Yeah. Yeah, it is, and it’s huge. It helps. It really helps. It’s not obviously, it’s not nice to have those days, but I, for me, they are they’re not as bad. They’re definitely not as bad as they used to be by removing the shame. It’s changed, it changes completely the way I live through them.

Maisie: Yeah. So, how has releasing that shame and guilt changed the way you move through those days?

Pamela: Yeah, I’m just like, I’m just chilled. I’m like, okay, I’m having a bad day. Okay, so what is that I do? Okay, takeaway today. I don’t want to cook. I don’t want to text my friend. I don’t want to speak to people. It’s okay. It’s how I feel. And yeah.

Maisie: Again, I just want to emphasise how straightforward this is.

Pamela: Yeah.

Maisie: For all of you listening who think it’s a big, complex thing. It’s straightforward.

Pamela: Yeah, it’s very simple. It’s like a few lines protocol, and it’s it has such a big impact.

Maisie: Yeah. So what other parts of Powerful have had the biggest impact on you? So could be coaching that you’ve received or that you’ve seen other people receiving, or specific tools or moments that have just stayed with you the most and really shaped things for you.

Pamela: I think both being coached, but also looking at people being coached. I try if I can, I try to watch all the replays or if I can even attend live because I find so much insight in all those coaching. Sometimes I like if there are some quotes that I like, I write them down and highlight them. And yeah, some of them have I’ve made decisions for myself based on other people’s coaching.

There was one, for example, there was one person who said that their goal was to take exquisite care of herself. And I thought, that’s nice. I want to do that too. Not necessarily as a goal, but it’s something I want to do. And so I started reflecting, and I was going, it was very stressful time at work at the time. So I was like, what can I do to take exquisite care of myself?

And I changed my summer plans because I was going to go for the summer, I was going to go back to my country and, you know, spend some time with some friends and family because it’s on the seaside, so it’s quite nice in the summer. And it’s not that it isn’t nice, but because I was so stressed, I felt like, actually, I need to have a real holiday. I think anyone who lives outside of where they grew up, they’ll know that when going back there is not really a holiday. It might be nice, I’m not saying it’s bad, but it’s not really a holiday, and I needed a holiday.

So I changed my plans, and I said, I’m going to go on holiday somewhere else. And then I was undecided because I wanted to go to Iceland, but there was a bit expensive, and I wasn’t sure what to do, and I put it into Ask a Coach, and then they gave me some tips, and I ended up going to Barcelona. I saw a friend I hadn’t seen in twelve years. I had a great time. It was wonderful, and I came back recharged, and all of the stress I gone away, and that’s all coming from me seeing this person saying that. So that’s how impactful some of the things are.

Maisie: This is why I’m such a big fan of group coaching, because, you know, if you were getting coached, that might have come up in some way. I’m sure it would have at some point. But when you see other people getting coached, they’re either getting coached on things that you haven’t thought about in your life, and suddenly you hear i,t and you’re like, oh, haven’t thought about that. Or maybe it might be something that you want to get coached on, but you’re a bit unsure of, and then when someone else does it, you’re like, thank you very much. I’ll just take your coaching.

But even when it’s a topic that is completely different to what you yourself are dealing with, you can take those questions and apply it to your life. I remember a colleague of mine asked me to watch some of their coaching and like review it and kind of analyse it, and just kind of it was just like peer-to-peer supervision. And they were coaching people on weight loss, which is not something that I need in my life. I have no interest in weight loss. And but the questions that they asked were so insightful that I was able to use those in situations in my life that had nothing to do with weight or actually health in any kind of way. But I, that’s why I just, I love group coaching calls.

Pamela: Yeah, no, me too. Me too. It’s I really, yeah, there’s so much insight. And as I said, I do note them down when I feel something really interesting, which probably unrelated to, again, like you said, maybe it’s what they’re coaching about is nothing to do with me, but they say things that are so insightful. I’m like, oh, okay.

Maisie: Yeah. As you’re a recent member, you know, you joined six months ago, I would love you to share some wisdom with other people who are about to join up in terms of how to approach the membership because there is all sorts of things to get involved with and often people do think that they need to use everything in order to benefit from it. And then they think, well, you know, how much time do I need? You know, I’m going to need to print all the worksheets. I’m going to have to do this. I’m going to have to do all the things which is never what I want someone’s experience to be. But I would love for you to share some wisdom with people.

Pamela: So, I mean, if you think you’re going to do everything inside the membership, that’s all you’re going to do in your life. Like there’s nothing else. Like, there is so much. There is so much that if you don’t have a job and you don’t have caring responsibilities or a social life, maybe you can, but it’s not possible. There is a lot.

So I guess it’s a question of choosing the things that work for yourself for the time that you have, like, you know, for when I joined, I was actually on holiday and I know I thought, okay, maybe I have to wait until I come back, but then I wasn’t, I didn’t know how long it was going to be open for, so I’m say, okay, let’s join. But I didn’t really do anything for the first few days, and then I came back, and I started engaging with my time.

I mean, I went through the Inner Odyssey, which I love, but you can do it at your pace, you know, you can watch it as many times as you want, and it’s very well structured and divided. And then the community, you can engage as much as and as little as you want. And I don’t, my engagement is not consistent, like I don’t always engage. There’s certain, it’s not like, oh, I do three hours a week, four hours a week. Some weeks I’m all in and I’m like, yeah, and I write, and I ask to be coached and stuff like that, and I put my wins. And other weeks, I’m just like, I don’t have time. I’m tired, my, I don’t do it. So it’s very flexible. There is no judgment. There is no expectation to do anything. You just do what what works for you and…

Maisie: Yeah, it’s so important.

Pamela: Yeah, you can fit it around your life, and that’s why it works, because I think if it weren’t like that, then after a while, I’d be like, no, I can’t. I don’t have the space for this, but yeah.

Maisie: Yeah, it is so important. And that’s why, you know, obviously with the membership, with the number of people that are in it, we have to accommodate for different schedules, different time zones, different preferences that people have for how they like to engage. Like some people love just watching the replays. Other people love getting written coaching through Ask A Coach. You know, some people are like all in on the community experience, and other people don’t use it at all. And it’s like, whatever, just do whatever works for you.

Pamela: Yeah, it’s fine. There is so many things, and you can really choose, pick and choose what is the, yeah, the most useful for you, and that goes well with your life, your energy. 

Maisie: Yeah. But I think, regardless, the one thing that we do really encourage people to take part in is the celebrating.

Pamela: Oh, I love that. I love the celebrating.

Maisie: Yeah. So we have our weekly wins in the community, which is the most amazing thread to read through and be celebrated in and celebrate others. But also, we are very encouraging and ask people to take up space and post their own wins and celebrations, and we can really explore and understand how those results have been created, so that they can be replicated, which is always fun to do.

So, how has the way that we approach wins in the membership changed the way you see yourself and your life?

Pamela: Yeah, no, it has changed a lot because I think, as you have pointed out many times before, we are wired to only focus on the things that go wrong and what we do wrong. But by putting the wins, you are actually focusing on the things that you did right on that week, and then you want to celebrate. And then the more you do, it’s like building a muscle, isn’t it? The more you do it, the more you notice them.

So, because before I was like, okay, wins, what did I do? I didn’t do anything good. Like, I don’t have anything to share. But then I read the other people, and I got ideas. I said, okay, I did that too, actually or something similar. Maybe I can put that. But the more you do it and the more you notice them yourself, and it doesn’t have to be anything huge.

Like some, I had one which was around how I dealt with my difficult days, for example. So it was nothing like, but it was still a win. Like, you know, it’s, I really love it. I don’t post every week, but I do read it every week, and yeah, maybe every, yeah, when I feel like maybe every two, three weeks, I will post mine, and I really like it.

Maisie: But as you said, it’s building that muscle for yourself. And so, of course, we have it in a very structured way in the community, but really, it’s about you building that internal muscle that you celebrate your wins all the time for yourself, in your life, and you know, the idea being that you don’t necessarily need the thread. We love it when you take part in it, though, but the idea is that it’s just a tool to use so that you build this skill in your life because celebrating yourself is a skill.

Pamela: Yeah, it is. And it’s a really good skill to have, and it does change your mindset a lot, I think.

Maisie: Yeah, I agree. Okay, what’s something that your past self would never have believed you’d be doing or feeling today?

Pamela: Wouldn’t believe that after six months, I would be talking to you, Maisie, in this podcast because I was a huge fan. I still am a huge fan of your podcast, and I can’t believe that after just six months, I’m here talking to you. So that’s definitely a big thing. And also, you know, having a coaching certification and potential for a whole new future opening up is, it’s incredible.

Maisie: It is, and I think especially when you’ve got that whole new future opening up to you based on the foundation of this amazing relationship with yourself.

Pamela: Yes.

Maisie: Right, which is very different to when people are trying to plan a whole new future and create opportunities for themselves, but it’s coming from that place of I’m not good enough, I’m not smart enough, I’ll never succeed, and whatever those negative inner voices are saying. So all this work that you’ve done on rewiring your inner voice, I just again, really celebrate you for it.

Pamela: Thank you. Thank you. I am proud of myself.

Maisie: Good. So if someone’s listening, and I know there’s going to be plenty of people listening to this who are also struggling with their inner critic, what would you want them to take away from your story, or what wisdom would you offer them?

Pamela: I would say that it is possible to change. It took me 50 years, but I got there. So it’s not, you know, don’t always accept that this is going to be the rest of your life. And if you want to have a fantastic workshop that teaches how to do it, join the membership. 

Maisie: Oh, thank you for that. But that’s so great. Like, you know, we just don’t have to accept it.

Pamela: Yeah, it can be changed. You just need the tool. I didn’t have the right tools, and I was given the tools, and I applied them and it worked.

Maisie: Yeah. That’s so often the thing. We just need the tools, need the resources, but meanwhile, when we don’t have them, we’re busy beating ourselves up for, you know, we’re beating ourselves up for one thing and then we’re beating ourselves up for beating ourselves up and we just get caught in that thought spiral. So it’s all about interrupting that. Amazing. Is there anything else you would like to add before we finish up? 

Pamela: Just that I’m, joining the membership was one of the best decisions I’ve made and I’m really happy to be in there, and I really plan to continue for a while.

Maisie: Great, because we’ve got some really fun things coming up. I think you’re going to love them.

Pamela: I know, there is one I’m really looking forward to.

Maisie: Yeah, we got the boundaries one coming up soon, but we’ve got there’s more in the pipeline. I’ve got all sorts of plans. So I’m looking forward to it. It’s going to be a fun year next year.

Okay, well, thank you so much for coming on and being so generous with your time, but also with everything that you’ve shared. I know it’s going to be super helpful to everyone listening. So thank you and congratulations again.

Pamela: Thank you, and thank you for having me. It was great. Thanks.

Maisie: My pleasure. All right, folks, we’ll catch you next week.

Hey, if you love listening to this podcast then come and check out my membership, Powerful, where you get my best resources and all the coaching you need to transform your inner and outer life. Sign up to the waitlist at maisiehill.com/powerful, and I’ll see you in the community.