This is episode 128 of The Maisie Hill Experience. It’s all about feeling relentless determination.

If you want to do things differently but need some help making it happen then tune in for your weekly dose of coaching from me, Maisie Hill, Master Life Coach and author of Period Power. Welcome to The Maisie Hill Experience.

Alright lovelies, what is happening? I am having quite the week for several reasons. I fell off a horse. I’m alright, just a bit sore. I messed something up in a lesson for multiple reasons and my foot came out of the stirrups whilst I had the reins in one hand instead of two. I was also going around a corner and transitioning into a canter. It was a hot mess and I slid/fell off the horse but I’m alright. Frustratingly our boiler packed up at the same time, so we had no hot water so not hot baths or anything from it.

And my period also started. Not because I fell, I knew my period was going to start. My temperature had dropped the night before which I can see. I wear one of those, I never know how to pronounce it, Aura or Oura rings. So, I could see in the app that my temperature had dropped because basically your basal body temperature is lower in the first half of the cycle from the start of your period to reach ovulation. And then in the second half of the cycle from ovulation to the start of your periods your temperature range is higher.

So, when my temperature drops towards the end of a cycle, it’s a good indicator that I’m about to start bleeding which is helpful for me because my cycle now varies a lot now that I’m 42. So, my last cycle was 32 days, this one was 22 days, and it can be anywhere in between. Usually, it’s kind of in the middle range. So, I have my period, I have no hot water, I fell off a horse. There’s been some pretty other momentous stuff happening. I have done something really unbelievable. And I can’t talk about it here yet, which is annoying for me and it’s probably annoying for you as well.

I promise I will talk about it at a future date and fill you in on all the details that are going to be useful because I’ve kept track of them for you. Those of you who are in The Flow Collective, in the membership, I’m going to be telling you all about it on this week’s coaching call. You get the exclusive because it really applies to the theme for the call which is about taking massive action. But what I will say here is this is something so far out and so ridiculous that my brain is like, what the hell is going on here?

But at the same time, it’s also like, yeah, of course that happens, no doubt. And I just love how those two aspects can exist at the same time. So, this experience that I have had recently has, well, it’s serving as the foundation for today’s discussion. And it’s the unwavering force of relentless determination. So relentless determination means you don’t give up even when it’s hard. It’s not about the absence of obstacles but the unwavering belief in your ability to overcome them and persevering when things get tough and emerging stronger on the other side.

Because you don’t need me to tell you that life is full of obstacles, setbacks and moments of doubt. We can feel discouraged or overwhelmed especially when faced with difficulties, but relentless determination can keep you going and even propel you forward in the face of adversity.

Many of you have gone through hardships in the last few years, really challenging situations that you never would have wished for. And I’m just inviting you in this moment to recognise that, really acknowledge everything that you’ve gone through especially in the last few years and everything that came with it and recognise that you got through it. You might be in it at the moment as well, plenty of my clients are.

So, the work that you did throughout those hardships is going to help you soar, because when you do it when you’re having a hard time, it pays off. In the moment when you’re in the thick of it it’s helpful, but when you’re out of the other end it’s so much more straightforward and even easier because it often requires more effort to begin with especially when times are tough or when the shit’s hitting the fan. And when I think about relentless determination it makes me think about my horse-riding lessons.

So, I was doing some lessons before the pandemic, not so many then the pandemic started, I stopped. And then Nelson and I have started having lessons again in the last six to eight weeks. So, I’m a novice but I’m absolutely loving it. I’m hooked. And when I’m in a lesson and I’m on the horse’s back and we’re just getting started but it’s just plodding along. The walk is lacking energy and it feels sluggish.

As the rider I have a choice in that moment. I can just accept it and go along with it. I can just settle for that slow walk even though it’s annoying and not what I want to happen and it’s not really helping the horse either. So, it’s definitely going to have consequences for the rest of that lesson. So, when I eventually ask that horse to trot, it won’t be as ready for it. It hasn’t warmed up sufficiently on a physical level. And it’s like saying, “Sure, just amble along, we don’t have anything important to do today, it’s cool, let’s just chill out.”

And then I’m suddenly switching things up. I’m like, “Okay, move. Let’s go.” And the horse’s response would be like, “I thought we were just going for a leisurely stroll, what’s the deal, lady?” You can think about this in terms of driving a car as well. It’s like going from first gear straight into third gear. It doesn’t make any sense. You have to go through the gears gradually, allowing the vehicle to build momentum and power in each gear.

Similarly, in my horse-riding analogy I need to work with the horse to generate energy in that walk using my legs, my voice, a whip, my mind, all of those things to encourage the horse to pick up pace, So, I have been learning to not amble along at the start of the lesson. Instead, I try to get as much happening in a walk as possible. Recently I’ve been on horses at the stables who need quite a bit of encouragement. My instructor, Casey, has described them as like trying to get teenagers out of bed and it really is like that.

So, when I’m on one of these horses I’m working with them to generate energy in that walk and just working with them going through transitions, getting them to stop, getting them going with my legs again and just getting that energy going. And throughout this process I’m getting a feel for the horse, they’re listening for me. And then with that strong walk it’s easier to ask for the trot. And then with good energy and a trot it’s easier to transition into a canter or so I have heard because it’s only in my last two sessions that I’ve begun to canter.

I say that. It’s more like begun to attempt to canter. Anyway, relentless determination is like that. It’s about recognising that progress does require effort and some momentum. It’s not about settling for a lacklustre walk when you have the potential to achieve so much more. It’s about getting going, going through that initial resistance and discomfort. It doesn’t mean you’re pushing yourself or whipping yourself and flogging yourself. So just like in the analogy of horse riding, where we build up energy and momentum from the beginning.

The same principle applies to the inner work we do during challenging times. So, it requires more effort to do it then. When you’re in the midst of difficulty, whether it’s facing personal challenges, navigating relationship issues, dealing with health issues. But when you invest in doing some work, it doesn’t even have to be what we could call a lot, but if you can do something in those tough moments, you’re setting yourself up for greater ease in the future.

So, I was coaching a client a few weeks ago and she was going through a particularly challenging time. And she was reflecting on the inner work that she’s been doing whilst going through several challenging situations involving other people, all happening at the same time in addition to having things going on hormonally and health wise that typically make us less resilient than we are at other times. But she was committed to doing this inner work and I commented on how beneficial it would be to be doing this work whilst it’s challenging and how every little thing, I don’t really like describing is as little.

But everything that she was able to do in that moment would support her. But it would also really support her in 6 or 12 months’ time when her hormonal picture will be completely different by that point or in a decade’s time. So, it requires more to do it now when you’re in it. But if you can, it comes with far reaching benefits as well as supporting you in the moment.

So, it’s like when I coach someone who is going through a breakup and they’re going through the shock and processing the loss and the grief. And on top of that there’s rejection perhaps. Not all breakups are like this of course but feeling rejected is a thing that happens. I want you to imagine being in that situation and from that place working on accepting and loving yourself exactly as you are, on not letting the end of a relationship mean anything about you as a person or your self-worth.

Because if you can do it then and there it’s going to be so much easier to do it when you’re out of that rough patch. Because it’s easy to do this work when life is good and everything’s hunky-dory. It’s a whole other thing to do it when you’re in a stress test of some kind. It’s also a whole lot easier when your hormones are helping you out to feel good about yourself and you’re feeling happy and confident maybe around the time of ovulation. But what about when you’re experiencing the doom before your period starts?

I don’t know if I’ve spoken about the doom here on the podcast. I know I’ve spoken about it in The Flow Collective. But basically, right before my period is due, I get the doom. I question things and I doubt that my plans are going to work out even in the face of compelling evidence that everything is ‘working out’. My brain just likes to go a bit wild. Thankfully I know how to manage my mind. And I also know my cycle at a very intimate level. I can spot that this is happening even when my cycle is varying in length, and I understand why it’s happening.

And I’ve also got multiple ways of approaching it, all of which means it’s no big deal. Does it feel great? No, but I’m not dumping a load of additional thoughts and feelings on top of the doom, which is what would happen if I didn’t have all the cycle related intel to hand, there would be the initial doom or anxiety or self-doubt or whatever you might experience. And then all the additional anxiety and doom and gloom and overwhelm that comes from your thoughts about feeling that way and all the stories that get added on top of it.

So, when I work with the doom by attending to my nervous system and noticing my thoughts, processing my emotions, taking care of my inner children, all the rest of it, I’m doing that in the most challenging part of my cycle for me. But doing it then means that it’s so easy to do it on any other day. So, I would love for you to recognise the ways in which you have done this too. Think about your life over the past few years and the challenges and hardships that you faced and every little moment of love that you’ve given yourself.

Or when you chose to do some inner work of some kind. And think about that effort that you put in when it was hard. It’s going to be so much easier for you to do that now. Or if you’re in a rough patch at the moment, anything that you do now is going to pay off tenfold. If you’re struggling it’s so important that you hear that because we’re so quick to think that we need an in-depth self-care plan that is pages long and the equivalent of a part-time job. And that’s all good if you do.

I have one client who does need that right now, that’s perfect for her. But I also have other clients beating themselves up because they’re only able to do a fraction of what they think they ought to be doing. And maybe all those things don’t actually need to be done, especially if it’s rooted in health perfectionism. So, it’s not like one of these things is objectively good and the other is objectively bad, it’s going to depend. But in moments when we want to give up, relentless determination calls us to dig deeper, to tap into our inner reservoirs of strength and resilience.

It’s about that unwavering belief that there is a way forward even when the path seems obscured. And as I said, this isn’t about flogging yourself to keep going. That’s not what I’m talking about and here’s why, because I get that relentless determination might sound exhausting. And there are certainly definitions of the word like unceasingly intense, harsh and inflexible. So, I understand if that’s where your brain is going but that’s because you’re seeing it solely as something that you need to do.

And it is something that you have to do because of course you do have to take action, but it isn’t just that. It’s also your ongoing commitment to this thing whatever it is. You can be determined and committed to something and rest and take care of yourself. At some point in time, you chose a particular path. What you wanted a few years ago could be different to what you want now though. So, is it time to adjust your direction? Does that need to be recalibrated or are you still on it?

Are you still on that path or have you strayed off to check out what’s happening over here to see this other path or something that’s off path altogether? Have you taken a seat on a bench for some reason? Do you still want to be on this path? Was it the one that you saw for yourself or one that others nudged you onto? Are you willing to put in the work if you want it? And if you don’t want it or you’re not willing to put in the work for it, then admit that you don’t. It doesn’t mean anything about you if you change your mind or decided it’s not for you, you get to do that.

But when you think about relentless determination, I want you to consider that it’s more than the action that you take. It’s about how you think in the long term. It’s the intention that you hold within you and the path that you are committed to taking. You’ll encounter fallen trees that block you along the way. You’ll have to find your way over or around them. There will be times when the path isn’t clear, and you just have to trust your inner GPS to keep going. I actually love it when that happens. And there will also be times when you’ve got to take a pitstop and rest or tend to other things.

But all along there is this path that you are relentlessly determined to be on, in fact maybe it’s more about relentless commitment. So relentless determination is where energy and purpose meet. It really is a lot like horse riding, but I think I’m going to need to do another episode all about lessons from horse riding. But when it comes to relentless determination, think about your values, your standards, your purpose and is there a strong relationship between all of these things and your long-term goals, that path that you are on? And then are the details of your day-to-day taking care of that big idea?

Alright my lovelies, that is it for today. I will be back next week hopefully after having a nice hot bath.

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